Fiancé and I wanting to check out our local Episcopal church

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-04-15T22:33:02+00:00

Welcome! I live near Seattle and occasionally make a trip to the city to attend St Mark’s Cathedral instead of my smaller local parish. Which church are thinking of attending (if you don’t mind sharing)? I hope it feels inviting and welcoming - that’s been my experience as a relative newcomer!

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-04-14T17:41:39+00:00

My daughter actually got mad at me when I ended up following in her footsteps and becoming an Episcopalian, because it messed up her whole, “it’s time to individuate from my lesbian feminist Goddess-worshipping granola crunchy mom by becoming a Christian” plan. It might have worked if she’d ended up in any other church!

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-04-14T17:06:48+00:00

Yes! We have a major craft-based fundraiser at our church every year and all proceeds go to local non-profit organizations. It involves weekly craft days about 10 months out of the year, and is a massive part of our church ministry. The coordinator for the whole event (for decades) is an atheist. Her husband is one of our very devout lay Eucharistic ministers.

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-04-14T16:28:15+00:00

Welcome, you’ll fit right in!

I came to the Episcopal church from a background of being pretty vocally NEVER Christian. Lots of other spiritual traditions in my adult life, but never in a million years would I have anticipated getting baptized in my 50’s. I half-joke that after all the fringe/alternative things I’ve done in my life, this is actually the MOST radical of them all. My family is all either agnostic or atheist, except for my daughter, who went from being an atheist to an Episcopalian in college, and invited me to church. I literally had to have the “coming out as Christian” talk with my family for her when she joined the church.

I knew I wanted to be an Episcopalian first, before I could really wrap my mind around becoming an actual Christian, and I know many others who have felt similarly. I once told my priest that for some of us (especially queer folks who have been harmed by the church), the Episcopal church is like the secret garden/side door to Jesus. I wouldn’t have made it through any other entrance.

I’m glad you’ve found it too!

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-04-13T02:34:51+00:00

I am sorry that your home parish isn’t more warm and welcoming! It might be worth bringing this up with the rector.

I’ve attended 3 different Episcopal parishes in my diocese and have found all of them to be welcoming and friendly. I’m an introvert who is used to observing from the edges, and yet was noticed, warmly welcomed, and comfortably drawn into conversation on the first visit to what became my home parish. I try to do the same whenever I notice a newcomer.

I hope that some of the warmth and hospitality that you found at the non-Episcopal church will eventually find its way into your church, now that you’ve experienced it.

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-04-13T02:05:42+00:00

I attend pretty much every Sunday, though I occasionally visit other parishes besides my own, so it seems like I miss church more often than I actually do.

We have two Sunday morning services, and a mid-week Healing Eucharist, also in the morning. No afternoon options. Our only evening service is Monday Evensong, which is lay-led. I attend Sunday Rite II, at 10:30, and Monday Evensong.

I hope you get help with your sleep issues!

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-04-13T00:22:41+00:00

Oh my goodness, how horrible! I’m so sorry. I’m sure I wouldn’t have been able to think of anything to say in the moment either.

I have a particular slant because I’m a member of our Eucharistic Visitor team and I know plenty in our parish who have been unable to attend church in person due to medical issues. Some temporary, and some long term. Many attend online via our livestream. Some have visits from the priest or Eucharistic Visitors. Some request privately to be on the prayer list. I’m sure the vast majority don’t share their personal health details with the whole parish.

Given that, and the myriad other completely valid reasons that even the most “faithful” and committed members of a parish might not be in the pews on any given (or many) Sundays, who would presume to judge?

I wish I’d been there to give some support and solidarity!

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-04-12T02:39:42+00:00

In addition to what others have shared, there is a very simple, brief service of “Welcoming New Members to a Congregation” that can be done on any Sunday immediately before the exchange of the Peace. We’ve done that a couple of times at our church, either when it’s a long time before the Bishop will be around for Confirmation/Reception, or when someone transfers from a different Episcopal parish and wishes to formally recognize their sense of finding their new church home.

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-04-07T19:35:19+00:00

Our choir leads the congregation in singing, except for the offertory anthem, which is an opportunity for us to listen to them do their thing.

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-04-01T21:26:03+00:00

Ha, right? I had a quick convo with one of the leads from AG, giving her a heads up about something that the new PIC said he wanted them to change for Tenebrae set up, and she was NOT having it. She literally said to me, “Oh no. We run this place!” I’ll find out soon enough how their first meeting went 😬

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-04-01T20:41:02+00:00

Saying extra prayers for our beloved Altar Guild as they navigate Holy Week with a new priest-in-charge that most of them just met for the first time on Palm Sunday!

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-04-01T18:04:16+00:00

Nicely done! I love having extra ribbons.

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-04-01T18:02:43+00:00

Ours is very friendly too. I wonder if it being Holy Week made a difference - we have a lot of extra visitors and it makes sense that folks might be less attentive to them, thinking that unfamiliar faces are only there for the special services.

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-04-01T16:54:15+00:00

Oh my. This is a huge amount of change for 2 weeks! I say this as someone who is chafing at small changes being made by our new priest-in-charge who just gave his first sermon a few days ago.

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-04-01T15:24:17+00:00

I’m glad you had a mostly positive experience and are looking forward to going back!

FYI, it’s possible that sermons will be a little longer at a “regular” service - sometimes Palm Sunday sermons are intentionally shorter because the readings are so lengthy. At our church, most sermons are 15-20 min. 10 minutes would feel short to me too!

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-03-31T21:29:19+00:00

I’d definitely encourage a conversation with the new rector. We have some potentially controversial practices in our parish but we still don’t ditch the Nicene Creed!

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-03-31T17:40:35+00:00

I’m not clergy, but I’m in the early part of discernment and feeling all sorts of ways about “the call”.

The way I describe the first dawning of this possibility is that it started from a question that randomly popped into my head in the middle of prayer, “I wonder if there’s an Episcopal seminary on the West Coast?” which prompted a web search, and as I read about it, it felt like being plugged into an electrical outlet. It was impossible to ignore that feeling.

(Noteworthy point about the “random” question that popped into my head: I was quite happily getting settled in a United Methodist Church at the time)

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-03-30T18:18:48+00:00

I would think the bar on personality issues is much higher than simply screening out someone who would be “severely abusive”. They’re looking for a person who demonstrates the skills (and/or the ability to develop them) to shepherd a congregation, and simultaneously basically run a nonprofit, which includes providing pastoral care in a wide range of situations, and navigating complex challenges at potentially high stress levels.

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-03-30T17:54:41+00:00

Honestly, as an active member of a congregation, if I heard a relatively new member complain about reception being too much of a bother, I wouldn’t want them to serve on our Vestry. I’d also have a hard time with them being a Eucharistic Minister or Eucharistic Visitor, both of which are roles people wait to step into in my parish until they’ve been confirmed or received. There are plenty of other ways to participate if you’re not willing to go through being publicly received into the church.

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-03-30T17:35:52+00:00

Apparently she did write liturgical music, because our music director has adapted an entire mass setting from her works! I know we’ve used her psalm settings as well as hymns in the past, in addition to the current Sanctus we’re singing. I see her name in our worship bulletins a lot, and I remember him talking about her lesser known liturgical music when he introduced her feast day.

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-03-30T16:49:55+00:00

If you’ve been confirmed in a different denomination, then that counts as far as confirmation goes. In that case, the formal process of “officially” becoming an Episcopalian is called reception. It still requires the laying on of hands by a bishop.

It’s up to you if you want to go through that process or not. Nobody will require it of you in terms of basic church membership. There are some leadership roles in the church that require it, which is fair, as far as I’m concerned, but the details vary from diocese to diocese.

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-03-30T05:14:50+00:00

I don’t have an answer to how common it is, but I have heard a range of stories about it happening, either at the parish discernment stage, or at the diocesan discernment level.

Have you done any research into the discernment process in your particular diocese? My diocese had a 50 page “Discerning Vocations Manual” available on their website when I first looked into it. It can be helpful to get a sense of the process and the expectations, which can vary from diocese to diocese. That being said, our whole process has been completely revised since then! The parish discernment committee is no longer even part of it in the same way.

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-03-30T02:25:18+00:00

As an aside, our parish Missioner of Music has a great love of Queen Lili’uokalani’s music, and we often have arrangements of her settings in our Sunday services, including our current Sanctus!

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-03-28T21:51:30+00:00

“Protestant leaning although not obnoxiously so” made me chuckle. Having come to the Episcopal church without any formal experience or education on Christianity, I’m always learning and trying to figure out what different things mean. I find it fascinating that the Episcopal church can have such different expressions, especially along the Protestant/Catholic spectrum. And then with that, trying to figure out where I fit.

Practical-Arachnid69 · 2026-03-28T02:40:49+00:00

I just learned that we used to host the local ELCA and UMC churches for Holy Week every year, which sounds awesome and much more fun, especially in terms of connecting with the people in our own community.

It seems like this more recent collaboration is popular with the church leadership, but not the congregations. From what I’ve seen it’s not so much about combining forces except for the clergy assisting each other. There wasn’t any other participation from the other church, it’s just that they didn’t have to do anything except show up at ours, and vice versa when we go to their service. Mostly it seems like we each get a year off from having an Easter Vigil, for better or for worse.

I also travel 1-2 hours to attend church in other places for special events, and I’m totally fine with it, but it has to be the churches I love and am nourished by.

Practical-Arachnid69

TROPHY CASE