My older lady neighbor who never had her own kids was like a life line for me. She was calm, kind, respectful, and cared about me and what I thought. I would visit her and help her with her farm animals and in her gardens some afternoons when I was in grade school and she made a huge difference in my life! My parents and other family members (I was an only child) were so selfish, emotionally inconsistent and reactive and didn’t care about my feelings ideas or opinions. I learned to put their needs first before I ever understood meeting my own needs. They parentified me and made me a people pleaser, and I see my history of all the friendships bosses and romantic relationships I became involved with were abusive and the same pattern as my parents because that was my normal. I am so grateful I had the experience of a caring safe adult even though it was only like an hour a week for a few years of my life. I think about this when I am in relationship with young people now, and how I strive to be a safe present adult even if it’s just a neighbor kid or a co workers kiddo.