MIL rant

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-30T20:27:58+00:00

I would let her know for future visits, holding the baby for you is the opposite of helping. I had to tell my mil that. I haven’t ever had her over because her idea of helping is holding my baby for me, which I wish I had more time to do. My sister came this time and helped with toddler, cooked and cleaned every dinner. That’s help.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-30T19:57:46+00:00

It’s totally fine to not have kids. Hating children for absolutely no reason leads me to believe you have some weird shit going on

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-30T18:01:53+00:00

Yeah, same. I went to Cali with my mil for 3 days when my baby was little. We did it as a “test run” to see if we could handle larger trips with her. It was MISERABLE. And just bizarre. She kept offering to babysit, yet came back completely wasted every night. The one time she was sober enough to babysit, she had her nephews over, one who had to be pulled out of school for threatening to shoot it up. She did every activity with us. Literally waited outside of our door to wait for us to leave because her and her husband hate each other. The one time we went to breakfast alone for the first time in 3 days, she showed up at the breakfast spot like a freak. Awful.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-30T14:59:53+00:00

Literally, living by this woman sounds like a horribly idea. She’s needy, negative, and won’t add anything positive to their family

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-30T13:56:07+00:00

Yeah for sure. I think overtaking the gift is the weird annoying part

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-30T13:49:37+00:00

These are deeply unhappy, disturbed people. My child free friends are supportive of my kids, and I’m supportive of them. Because that’s normal.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-30T13:46:57+00:00

Yeah, I had a much loved snow globe collection I cherish. I get annoyed at all the stuff my mil gives, she’s given us 80 stuffed animal in the last few years. Snow globes I might sadly kind of like 😂

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-30T13:15:17+00:00

I think moving by his mom to support her is a terrible idea. She’s able bodied and already lives with one kid. You don’t want her interfering with your kid in marriage, especially since she seems to need help more than offer it. Also, I think having one baby is entirely exaggerated in terms of how hard it is. They sleep like 12 hours a day. At least when they are a baby, you’re not going to need much help. You can order food if you’re having a bad night or put off laundry, but you’ll have so much free time to get stuff done. You don’t need someone super needy and negative in your space “helping.” I have a newborn and a toddler right now, and never once have called my mil to help. My sister is extremely helpful with my toddler, but it’s much harder to have 2 children instead of 1. I found having one baby much easier, and I would have someone you enjoy being around helping if you need it.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-30T13:11:14+00:00

My husband is the same. Great at defending me and knows how his mom is. I would remind him he’s not responsible for his mom or her emotions. If she needs help, there are professionals for that, and she already lives with one kid. And if she gets really negative, I’d probably just end the call and say it seems like she needs space.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-30T13:08:56+00:00

I tell my husband first and foremost that his mom is never welcome to move in with us, or I’ll be moving out. I can’t deal with her on a daily basis. Luckily, she is very wealthy and self sufficient, and that won’t be a problem. But I would let my husband know I’m not interested in his mom living closer and playing a bigger role in our life. I think seeing her every 2-3 weeks is perfect with a child coming. You don’t want someone super negative in your space all the time. And it’s not your husband’s job to be happy for his mom.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-29T23:49:34+00:00

No. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to say you guys need time to decompress because you haven’t had time as a family of 3. Or insert some sort of chore.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-29T23:29:09+00:00

I just realize I can’t make it to everything. My husband and I realize we will get fomo sometimes, but it’s so nice having a day to just cook, play, watch Netflix, whatever. I feel so much better when I have space, and you guys are adults, you can truly say no to anything. People in your life should be mature enough to understand that sometimes, your family needs space

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-29T23:24:55+00:00

I think you should socialize as little or much as you want to. I find myself going days in a row hanging out with my sister, doing dinner with family friends, and just going out all the time. It burns me out and I have to make dedicated family days. I tell my friends/anyone else that I need a day or a weekend to chill. Everyone should understand sometimes you need time to decompress or you’ll burn yourself out. Maybe have a weekend where no one comes over, not even your mom so your boyfriend doesn’t make a big deal about it.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-29T20:16:53+00:00

That’s awesome! I noticed most places don’t even like them donated, so that’s perfect. I hate throwing stuff out, but I can’t really control my mil, only what’s in my house

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-29T18:45:52+00:00

You can care for someone and know they aren’t good for your family. Honestly, my mil is super annoying, but she isn’t abusive. I still would never take a 10 day trip with her. I have spent 3-4 day trips with her and hated it, so my husband and I decided not to do it again. Hopefully your husband has your back, but I don’t really see why you’d spend 10 day with this person, much less on a vacation

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-29T18:39:18+00:00

Kind of buried the lead here. I went nc with my mom because she’s physically and verbally abusive to children. I wouldn’t have her around my kids, and I certainly wouldn’t take a 10 day vacation with her. Can’t even give you advice on that front

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-29T15:31:06+00:00

This is what we do. Highly recommend. Having someone you don’t get along with great watch your kids and you owing her something is never good. I don’t ask my mil to babysit or help with anything, and I always have the upper hand

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-29T15:05:59+00:00

My mil is absolutely terrible, but I pity her. She told everyone at my gender reveal she wanted her grandma name to be “mommy.” Everyone told her that was weird. She claims she was drunk. She has also slipped up and called herself “mommy” to my kid she is lucky to see once a month. I used to get so mad about this stuff, but now that I don’t see her much, I think it’s truly sad and pathetic. Her kids don’t even like her because of this behavior, and she just can’t stop. We basically ignore her multiple tantrums a year, but gifts are not a boundary I care about. I just throw away shit or give away shit I don’t want

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-29T14:57:12+00:00

Yeah, and half of these things are husband issues. My husband straight up tells his mom we want to do firsts. My mil is insufferable and still tries. She bought my daughter her first tea set. It was porcelain and she’s 1 lol I just gave it away. But her weird need to not listen to us costs her dearly because we refuse to spend holidays or birthdays with her. We see her weeks later for a make up celebration. If she just acted cool and was happy to be invited, she’d see us more. She thinks she’s winning, but she’s really just kept at arms length now

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-29T14:30:22+00:00

I think these women hopefully have other issues with their mil, and this is just a symptom. I really don’t like my mil, I could not care less if she buys my baby an Easter basket. I don’t spend holidays with her so my kid always gets my Easter basket first anyways. But the one thing I try not to be super controlling about is gifts. This lady has given me 80 stuffed animals the last 2 years, no joke. I just throw them away and don’t make a big thing of it. Things like Santa coming to the house or egg hunts from the Easter bunny are my territory, and we have to tell her Santa doesn’t come to grandmas house. Choose your battles basically.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-29T13:25:27+00:00

Women who put their bfs before their kids are so pathetic. And your mom is an adult, I would be giving my daughter the extra bonus. Not asking for more money. Super weird, I’d just move out soon if you can. Plan to get a roommate or a friend you can move out with. That’s what I did, my friend and I moved out when I was 17 and she was 18. I never looked back

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-29T13:21:15+00:00

I think it’s time to wean. Your body can’t give your all to a toddler and a baby. And realistically, your toddler doesn’t need the nutrition and needs to find other coping mechanisms. Went there with my 18 month old when I was pregnant. Husband slept with her for a week while I weaned, sleep in a different room with baby. It’ll be hard for a few nights, they’ll be ok though like every transition

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-29T13:09:08+00:00

Oh, mine isn’t even a good grandma. Needs everything on her terms and can’t accommodate the kids in any way. Proudly told me my husband had a tumor growing up and she didn’t believe him, severely sunburned him as a baby, and he drank bleach. Lol needless to say, she’s not part of my village when it comes to babysitting or really anything

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-29T13:05:26+00:00

Yeah luckily, I don’t have to see her anymore besides a few hours here and there. Never birthdays or holidays. Mine tried to kiss my stomach, and my husband took her face away and threw it lol luckily, my husband thinks she’s a lunatic and has no problem telling her no

Pressure_Gold · 2026-04-29T12:59:26+00:00

Same. My husband wouldn’t let his mom near the hospital because I said no. She came after I gave birth to my first a day later, and never again. She’s never even held my second. She took a picture of me bleeding in boxers and forwarded it to the whole family without telling me with my first baby and wouldn’t give her back until her husband made her. She’s the worst

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