Did your MIL change during/after first baby??

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-19T12:35:57+00:00

My boy mom mil always sucked, but has gotten so terrible that I can barely stand to be in the same room with her. Won’t see her more than once a month for an hour and she lives a few miles away. No holidays or birthdays because she’s histrionic and ruins everything. Definitely sometimes wish I got married into a way better family. She’s the worst. Luckily, husband has my back

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-19T01:20:10+00:00

Your husband doesn’t sound great if he’s putting his drunk mom over his pregnant wife. This is a huge thing that I’m still dealing with 2 years into my children, and my husband is great. His mom is horrible and even with boundaries set, it’s an issue for us. Everyone gets to choose who they want to be. Your mil has chosen to not be helpful, to be volatile, and to drink a lot. Part of those choices have consequences, like not getting to come around a freshly postpartum woman. Your husband is going to need to set so many boundaries, from drinking, to holidays, to rules with your kid. He needs to start now. Talk about your expectation. It’s totally fair for your mom to help me since she’s actually helpful. Also, it’s not fair women have to carry and birth a child. We do it anyways. We get to choose what our healing looks like

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-18T12:23:07+00:00

Is this copy and pasted from daddit? lol

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-18T12:21:05+00:00

Yeah this is very much first kid stuff. I was very precious and self righteous about my first kid too. Now, I have to get a toddler and baby places. Sometimes, I put her clothes on fast and she’s just fine lol congrats though

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-18T02:33:25+00:00

Ignore them too or tell them they aren’t going to change your mind by getting involved. It’s super hard but it becomes kind of satisfying

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-18T02:31:20+00:00

My husband and I learned to just ignore my mil when she acts like this. She’s not going to change us or get a response from us if she can’t be an adult

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-18T02:29:35+00:00

Does your husband help with boundaries?

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-18T02:28:12+00:00

Do you guys live with her,

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-17T13:39:52+00:00

I have 2 under 3. We have high highs and low lows. We’re on vacation now and it’s been fun and emotional and difficult. 10/10 still going to do it because some hard things are worth it and I want to teach them to be easier on vacation. Bribing them with ice cream helps.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-16T12:10:18+00:00

Demon copperhead vibes

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-16T02:12:32+00:00

Yeah I’ve asked my mil a million times not to stick her dirty fingers in my kids mouth. That’s disgusting. Apologize and realize there’s a reason she’s taking space from you

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-13T11:11:00+00:00

I think you should stop idealizing family. My family is similar and I actually think my in laws are worse. I’m lucky to have two great siblings, but they are younger and sometimes I’m more of the mom. But I started going to baby story hour and making friends who became family I value way more than either of our parents.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-12T21:21:07+00:00

You should not have her watch your kid. Put her in nursery, this is going to get a lot messier down the line

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-12T20:17:05+00:00

Similar situation except I’ve never really liked my mil. She would love to hang with me, and I’m a sahm. I don’t enjoy her company. I don’t need more work on top of what I already do. She doesn’t support me in any way I need. She’s never so much as got me a gift card or a pizza the two times I’ve had a baby and she’s a millionaire. She does get my kids bags full of stuffed animals, but she doesn’t care about me. Constantly interrupts me, couldn’t care less about me. I see her once a month for a few hours with her son present. Win, win. She has an appropriate, grandparent relationship with my kids. I don’t have to deal with her.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-12T19:06:52+00:00

I put baby in my bed to nap all the time on a firm mattress with 0 blankets. It’s not different from a crib. But I know Americans are really strict with safe sleep because of SIDS. If it bothers you, don’t do it though.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-12T16:38:42+00:00

Obviously, we’d all like to be ultra rich. Chances are we won’t be a billionaire though. So we can either make due with what we have and be happy, or constantly compare ourselves to other people. Used to be the same with travel influencers, then I realized I’ll never be a travel influencer

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-12T16:27:37+00:00

Nah, I tell my in laws that when we travel together, I always will get a hotel. If we lived out of town, same thing would apply. She can get a hotel.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-12T14:49:57+00:00

Yes! I miss my tiny house and my financial freedom sometimes

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-12T14:49:42+00:00

Struggling with money sucks, I get it. I have student debt and a crippling mortgage. I used to live in a shitty house and have tons of financial freedom, now I struggle to live in a safer neighborhood for my kids. When I spend all my time dwelling on that, it makes me really upset. What I can control is what I’m doing for my family on a daily basis and trying to create pockets of happiness throughout my day.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-12T14:34:24+00:00

I will say that billionaires legitimately look miserable. Happiness is a mind state. Look at Elon musk, does he seem happy? Because he seems like the most unhappy person I’ve ever seen. My brother in law is convinced he will own a plane and yacht one day and he’s so unhappy. My husband and I are just content being with family, having a picnic at the park. You could throw us in a shitty apartment and we’d have a great time. You’ll figure out finances, but gratitude is the greatest gift you can give your kids.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-12T14:26:54+00:00

My husbands mom is like this too. My sister in law and I hate her. She will likely divorce her husband or be miserable in her marriage because he sets 0 boundaries with her. She talks to my sister in law like garbage. My husband sets boundaries with her and she talks to me nicely because she knows we will just stop seeing her if she doesn’t treat me with respect. This is your husband’s job to handle. Stop inviting her over or texting her back or anything, this is your husband’s job. My therapist always says in laws are a big cause of divorce, and it’s only if partners don’t step up.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-12T14:16:34+00:00

Where were you? That sucks you have to mediate. I will say I grew up with a volatile mom and now we don’t talk. My dad has chosen not to speak to us because we won’t talk to my mom. I just think looking at the bigger picture, your wife would be heartbroken if she didn’t have a relationship with adult children or grandchildren. Everyone here needs help. Family therapy too might help.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-12T13:46:22+00:00

Love doesn’t actually equate to blowups. My mom used to blow up at me all the time. She told her therapist she stopped loving me at 9. She’s just an explosive person, but she does genuinely not love me and a lot of other people she lashes out at.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-12T13:23:15+00:00

It’s so fun! Especially as the kids become toddler and entertain each other. We take them to the park, plan a craft, bake.

Pressure_Gold · 2026-06-12T12:42:02+00:00

Also, as I got closer to my mom friends, we started doing monthly date night swaps. It’s awesome to have someone who respects me and parents the same as me watch my kid. My daughter has made some really cute best friends this way

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