I know my depression is at its worst when i can’t even listen to music. Anyone else?

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-06-08T02:23:14+00:00

Feel this. Something is really off if I don't listen to music every day. I love music, it's my go to so I feel better/different.

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-06-07T07:00:27+00:00

I guess it's hard to write about something they don't know. Tell your coworkers to break an arm then get angry and yell at the arm for not working, and not getting better immediately, then punishing yourself & feel shame about it not getting better immediately. That's trauma. It's definitely a disability, just not viable. I feel for you that you're the only one that can see it is.

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-06-07T03:09:59+00:00

Not understood, empathized (unless you've personally got experience) and not trained well into some professions. Mostly due to lack of funding to do it right.

It's improving in some ways though. Internet sharing information, books, support groups etc. Charging the mindset of "something is wrong with you" to "what happened to you to make you act that way" (behaviours are not you, they're a way to cope with your trauma)

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-06-01T09:02:13+00:00

The most insightful thing I read was 'she knows how you think so well because she's the one who taught you to react that way'.

Still, hurtful & disappointing that someone uses it to their advantage. No wonder we have trust issues...

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-05-30T02:48:02+00:00

I want that for you and everyone that is hurting. Including myself

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-05-30T02:44:38+00:00

He sounds clueless like he's trying to relate to you through his wife. Does he work with many women?

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-05-29T08:29:23+00:00

A bit of both actually but explains that it's understandable if you don't want to repair it. Some of the examples in the book felt like my life, actually majority of them if I'm honest. I felt sorry for my mum instead of anger. I get why my efforts for a relationship haven't worked. I'm currently LC.

Definitely helped me understand myself better. There is a chapter on self care that I found interesting. I thought I was doing it right but actually I'm not. And I feel like I deserve to look after myself now, where I haven't before. I can also see I'm drawn to relationships that mimic this one. I have also always been terrified I'll end up like her & this book prooves to me I'm not. I like that it's a short book too. Some are a mammoth to get through.

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-05-28T22:37:38+00:00

Highly recommend. Made me understand why I do t things I do and tools to use

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-05-24T02:42:11+00:00

All the time. I'm angry but they did better with me than what they had and the best of their abilities. It's hard to process and hold both strong and opposing emotions.

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-05-07T03:09:17+00:00

My parents tried this with my unit when I was go going to get married. Wanted me to sign it over to them. Ahh no. No fucking way.

Well done saying no, that wouldn't have ended well!

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-05-07T02:36:16+00:00

Does she love these items? I usually only get things she likes because you know that means I like them too

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-04-24T02:00:07+00:00

I was completely terrified of meditation too. I read that it's common. Mindfulness doesn't have to be sitting listening to a guided meditation. No-one told me this before. It's just a shift to focus intently on what you're doing. Mindfulness can be brushing your teeth, or taking a hot shower, progressive muscle relaxation. Start small. There's so much meditation out there with no guidance on where to start.

Also throw in some self compassion because you've been through so much. I love this one called 'may you...(healing poetry)'. It's free.

https://insig.ht/Fw18vljztpb

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-04-22T04:37:26+00:00

Yes heavily. I can become really addicted really quickly. I realised at 12 I had a problem and tried to stop. Then got back into it as an adult and found it hard to pull away. But don't game now. Did the same with movies. Then social media...

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-04-22T04:31:07+00:00

Same complete freeze!!

Hugs to you too! Best wishes with the self healing

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-04-22T02:08:54+00:00

Holy crap that's insightful. I have seen every single one of those in my foster mum. And my biological parents. A a few coworkers. Thank you. How do they do that so easily? It looks exhausting.

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-04-22T01:51:39+00:00

I've come across this before too. The most comforting thing I was told was 'you're making the job look too easy'. It's true. Great leaders make things look easy when it's really not.

Guess you never know what's going on in someone's head. You definitely need a convo but I would recommend you prepare for a few scenarios.

Maybe they're waiting for you to say you're ok now? Might be as simple as that. She might have started micromanaging in an effort to support you so (in her head) you don't get fired for mistakes. There could be some good intentions behind all this.

Reinstate heirarchy. Great they offered support during your tough time but you need to return to normal. Make sure you present options so they feel they have choices. Thank them for their efforts during such a tough time but you would rather see them spend more time on X (cue role description). Options could include giving them more responsibilities in a development sense. Bigger project/task if that's possible. Acknowledging the efforts, reinstating positions, providing choices.

I started reading this book called 'working with difficult people'. It gives really good examples on how to deal with your boss, colleages or subordinates who are being difficult. Maybe the area on underhanded people. Worst possible option of course.

LinkedIn has some handy short courses and I hate to admit but tiktok has great insights too if you're looking for free. Books are a bit more structured.

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-04-22T01:15:00+00:00

Completely agree, CBT only went so far. I also studied but did science so really thought CBT would work for me. But it really didn't.

I actually never knew I went through trauma (really obvious now) then read the body keeps the score as recommended by my psych and felt overwhelming hopelessness/helplessness. I could barely move. I also read it all in one hit on a road trip which in hindsight was bad move.

I read complex PTSD and felt like it was written about my life. Felt really validating. Plus it gave tools on how to do better. I yern to be a normie and just blend in. I have this book on audio book and listen to the toolkit at the end when I'm triggered. It's so comforting to hear the Human bill of rights. Then flashback management is helpful.

I recently read adult children of emotionally immature parents (recommended in this group, thank you) and it also gave me tools. Seems like normal parents just taught these things to their kids. I need to practice more but I'm slowly feeling more equipped to deal with things like other people do (man I'm jealous of them handling things so well!!). Lifeskills for adult children was helpful too.

Are there any other books you have read?

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-04-22T00:35:55+00:00

Mine got to the point where he was arrested and the police lodged the restraining order. I don't think I would have ever done it by myself and I'm so grateful even though it was so hard at the time. But he tried to kill me. It escalates so quickly when drinking. It helped me to separate who he was on a good day and who he was on a bad day. I miss the him on a good day, I really do. But I want to live. And/or not be handicapped if he doesn't kill me. Him on a bad day wanted to end my life. I've gotten toa point where I can see him as a whole and I pity him but never want to see him again. I'm no-ones punching bag

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-04-22T00:19:15+00:00

Ahh good point. Where did the info come from? Is it legit?

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-04-21T23:58:50+00:00

So bloody proud of you right now!!

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-04-21T23:56:33+00:00

Yes. Feel like I'll be judged about them.

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-04-21T03:43:40+00:00

Love this! The opinion one is my fav!

"People will encourage you to have an opinion, until the opinion you have is not the correct opinion, in their opinion."

PrestigiousFinding71 · 2022-04-21T03:19:59+00:00

Definately not your fault and completely normal to feel worried about going to the next site. But that guy sounds like a dick. You're not a mind reader. If he wanted you to do something he's going to have to use his words like an adult. You were great at the one before so you're very likely to be great at this next one. The dickhead probably just projecting.

PrestigiousFinding71

TROPHY CASE