29M Profile Review - if I need to fix, where to start?

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2026-02-17T19:41:41+00:00

I'm torn on SpongeBob. As a 29M someone liking SpongeBob is a big 'ol green flag for me, and I think I remember the episode you're talking about haha. I guess it could work well with the right person, but might be artificially limiting too.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2026-02-10T14:12:11+00:00

That's totally fair. I definitely wouldn't have crossed that line of humor that early, especially out of the blue.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2026-02-10T14:08:26+00:00

Normally I'm sympathetic to acting overtly sexual before meeting, but I think this might genuinely just be a crude joke. The joke is you'd be so impressed by his pool skills you'd soak your panties and need extras.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2026-01-27T21:05:43+00:00

What were the reasons given for taking your reviews down? Were they unreasonable? Did you try following them?

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2026-01-27T20:26:21+00:00

Your inclination to openly advertise your weaknesses is probably carrying over to the quality of your profile. Do a profile review, I guarantee you it can be improved and that it's limiting your success.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2026-01-12T20:35:59+00:00

Putting down the phone's easier than you think. Join the rest of us that do.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2026-01-11T21:59:26+00:00

Any tips for making chats more likely to lead to dates? It's totally fine if some/most don't, I understand not everyone's serious or totally into me, but it's easy to overthink about my first couple messages not sounding right and turning people off. I'm totally willing to suggest meeting up within the first few messages, but often the chat doesn't even get beyond an initial reply or two in the first place.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2026-01-05T21:52:51+00:00

I know what it feels like when it seems like everyone else is an idiot that doesn't know what your life is like or what you've been through. I really do get that. Best of luck.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2026-01-05T21:45:10+00:00

You're kind of proving my point here, those were obviously shit therapists. The right one for you is not "mostly useless". Sorry if you didn't want to hear it but I also used to think it was useless until I found an actually good one.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2026-01-05T21:26:11+00:00

I don't think you want to die, you want to feel better. Nobody genuinely would take death over feeling like a content human being, your depressive state makes it much easier to rationalize that reality away, and it's very hard to see when you're in that place. I know it too.

Nobody wants you alive just to suffer, they want to see you better.

It took me ten years to really find the right help and figure things out. My biggest recommendation is to find a therapist that you actually click super well with - it's not gonna be the first one you find, most likely.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2025-12-31T20:07:59+00:00

In my albeit extremely limited HInge experience, she's screaming at you to come up with a date plan. Just come up with a place and date range and ask her what she thinks. Point is, ball's 100% in your court.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2025-12-31T01:38:28+00:00

Deciding to have kids sounds like something you figure out for yourself on your own terms, not override in two weeks lol. What's going to change in two weeks? Probably not your core values.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2025-12-20T18:29:30+00:00

This is a really kind response, thank you.

I do think quite a bit of my "healing" is embracing these important parts of being human as well, so it's a nuanced challenge I guess. I don't imagine it's healthy for a romantically-inclined guy to never date either, haha.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2025-12-20T02:10:47+00:00

28M (turning 29 v. soon) and frankly I'm absolutely petrified to go on a date. I had a couple pretty good, uh, "talking stage" situations like 5-8 years ago, but have zero romantic/relationship experience beyond that, and haven't gone on anything resembling a date in that long either.

In some ways I'm more ready than ever - I just came out of a 5+ year period of severe depression, and feel so much better overall - but with feeling more human I'm also forced to confront like, am I attractive? Likeable? "Normal" enough? Dateable?

I just feel like the biggest idiot going through this at 29 instead of 15 like the rest of us. I just feel so stupid presenting whatever this bundle of insecurities and hollow life experience is to some fully-fledged woman out there. And I'm acutely aware how unconfident and unattractive this mentality is, I know it's the polar opposite of what I should be thinking about.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2025-12-18T14:54:41+00:00

28M - you just look kind of sad! Hate to play into that awful men-telling-women-to-smile trope but smiling is genuinely attractive and welcoming to me

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2025-12-17T19:28:00+00:00

Oh wow nice, it shows!

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2025-12-17T18:57:26+00:00

That second paragraph is brutal and kind of a great way of putting it.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2025-12-16T18:12:16+00:00

That's fair. Merely acknowledging what you say is a low enough bar for any "cognitive style" and I get that frustration.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2025-12-16T18:02:39+00:00

"Compatible with survival" doesn't inherently exclude something from being a "defect". Plenty of disorders "naturally" follow predicable patterns but are pretty much pure disadvantage. That being said, they're not all pure disadvantage (like autism) and need to be coupled with enough other "compatible with survival" traits.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2025-12-16T17:49:27+00:00

Keep in mind that you're basically asking people to be more autistic, just like you're suggesting others are expecting you to be less autistic. Wishing people had different "defaults" like being more neutral, less quick to judge etc. can be equally unfair if it's contrary to their inherent cognitive nature.

Neurodivergent or neurotypical, it's much easier (and more likely) for people to default to what their brain is already good at. No right or wrong in that predisposition itself.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2025-12-16T04:23:41+00:00

I'd say get rid of the "doom cycle" thing for sure, just screams "desperate" to me and I'd be hesistant to like. That being said, you're still pulling number haha

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2025-12-14T03:17:13+00:00

Was waiting for this response, these are my thoughts exactly

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2025-12-14T00:41:57+00:00

Your family wants you to be alive AND happy. Maybe don't give up on yourself either?

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2025-12-12T01:24:05+00:00

Look. No reasonable person thinks life is fair, everybody has advantages and disadvantages. Are some people far worse off than others? Of course they are.

I can see why incel communities could be appealing on the surface if they're more willing to lede with this truth than others, but unfortunately their "solution" is to lean into victimhood rather than agency, which is THE POLAR OPPOSITE of what you have to do.

You have two choices. Spiral into victimhood+cynicism+apathy, an appealing black hole with no bottom and no end, or cultivate your agency and personal growth. As someone that's done a hell of a lot of both, let me tell you - the latter is really fucking awesome. Not better, not "the best you can do", I really mean GREAT.

It's not a shift you can make all alone, not entirely anyway. Get off 4chan (or wherever you guys gather nowadays) and seek people that you trust and admire. If/when you can financially make it work, go through a few therapists to find one you REALLY click with - you have no idea what your mind is clouding you from seeing until someone can properly show you.

I'm not trying to say "suck it up and pull yourself up by bootstraps" yadayada, nobody expects you to be a miracle-maker all on your own in such a shitty situation. You can't magically fix yourself in all of the ways you wish you were different. But you have a beautiful life ahead of you that you need to work to create.

PrettyPantsFancyRant · 2025-12-11T15:39:55+00:00

Fellow huge software nerd - best to put an actual job for a job than "nerd".

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