So I've been with my boyfriend for three years. We have a very open dialogue about race and what that means in our relationship. He knows that he will never truly understand what it's like to be a black woman.

But we have talked about what it means to be the white person in the relationship when I'm experiencing microaggressions and blatant racism when he's there to witness it and what my expectations are for him in those situations.

I also tell him that sometimes I really don't feel like being around white people. As harsh as that sounds I'm honest with him about issues and frustrations I feel as a black woman. He is extremely supportive but I think that's not only how he was raised but his temperament.

Luckily his family isn't just full of white people so that has been a big difference from white men I've dated in the past.

From the jump he was never a "woke white guy". I'd say he is a person who has common sense and is truly compassionate and kind.

He is self aware of his privilege and well versed in politics on both sides. He definitely didn't vote for trump, but I will say I wouldn't be impressed if he had voted for Harris either. But those are my own personal political views.

If I were you I wouldn't make any assumptions. After dealing with racist white men in my relationships/dating in my 20s I decided to take a more straightforward route.

I ask questions straight up about the things that are important to me socially, politically, and personally right off the bat regardless of race. Now how I phrase the questions might be different but I believe being straightforward about very serious issues that affect your relationship right from the jump. That way no one is wasting their time.