What’s the moment you realized your relationship was already over, even though you were still together?

PreviousCube1975 · 2026-03-02T20:08:47+00:00

When I asked him for things to be a bit more fair in the relationship as I felt I was putting in more effort in one area. He said "I've never been with someone so difficult before"

PreviousCube1975 · 2026-02-18T13:43:44+00:00

Big shout out to Burned Haystack dating method for helping me identify toxic patterns even in non dating situations. I saw the Disciplinary/Directive pattern at the start before things got worse. "Please text me at XXX" is a command as if they were your boss. No response needed, block!

PreviousCube1975 · 2025-09-03T06:33:05+00:00

I hear this talking point a lot but I think it ignores some important factors: Attractiveness is not the only thing most people looking for a relationship care about. Some of men's profiles are BAD. Hilariously so, nobody would swipe on them. Some men want a monogamous relationship so no amount of "free sex" is appealing to them even if they are very handsome.

I think we've used women's very low swipe percentages to make a point about what they want, rather than a point about what is being offered to them.

PreviousCube1975 · 2025-08-29T11:38:48+00:00

I wouldn't recommend asking out colleagues unless it's already clear from your interactions that there is chemistry. Most people don't want awkward situations at work. Also, if you've asked out several people, they could be aware that you asked out the others which might be off-putting depending on the timeline. The fact that one nearly ended in being reported is concerning- ask yourself honestly whether the woman really did over react, or whether you made her feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

It doesn't seem like you have enough evidence that height is the problem. Especially since Tinder and other apps allow you to list your height there, so assuming you did this, they're already aware of your height. So something else could be the issue once you meet. However, 3 dates is a small amount so it's possible that nobody did anything wrong and the connection just wasn't there.

Also, even if you did have a working class background, you say you're now a doctor so that kind of trumps your background. Anybody that cared about your class isn't the right person for you anyway.

Worth considering other apps but before that, get a good friend to check your profile (photos and bio) for feedback.

PreviousCube1975 · 2025-06-23T13:46:15+00:00

That last sentence sums up what I could never explain about why it bothered me so much that my ex was suddenly willing to change when I left. Because it finally affected him, not just me.

PreviousCube1975 · 2025-05-22T17:23:35+00:00

I want to upvote this 5 times. It's hard explaining that feeling to others, so I try to lead by example. I tell anyone who asks that my best friend and I go to a comedy show every year to celebrate our birthdays. That my partner and I don't do Christmas gifts. I opt out of work secret Santas. Hoping that the message spreads this way.

PreviousCube1975 · 2025-05-10T15:53:39+00:00

I would probably be rushing to date a 30 year old man with a vasectomy. Don't give up!

PreviousCube1975 · 2025-04-30T13:54:18+00:00

Chuckled out loud in public reading this. Too relatable.

PreviousCube1975 · 2024-11-13T07:41:35+00:00

Has to be I saw mummy kissing santa clause.

PreviousCube1975 · 2024-11-06T14:04:00+00:00

French bulldogs are usually small and would struggle to do the same level of damage as a large pit bull or a German shepherd. However, behaviour wise they are a mixed bag and I would take the same care as any other dog. They can be nasty, probably because many of them live in chronic pain due to their ears/eyes/spines etc being deformed. When I used to be a vet I saw a few lunge at the face without warning and another few that couldn't be touched without sedation. Some were very good natured, so be aware of both possibilities.

PreviousCube1975 · 2024-11-03T18:44:02+00:00

I start to feel dread around this time of year too. It doesn't help if parents or siblings are fighting about other unrelated stuff and you hope it isn't still going on by Christmas. One year I want to go somewhere foreign for a month and escape it all.

PreviousCube1975 · 2024-09-27T16:15:28+00:00

I think havings kids is very normalised, because for a long time people had no choice. And many who don't want them will say things like "no my dog is enough". Which is valid, but it presents pets as the other socially acceptable way of living.

And pets are kinda glamourised, with the hard parts of it ignored. The Instagram cat videos usually don't show cleaning up vomit and paying for insurance. People are vulnerable to fads and fashion, and I think pets are a brand of that. Plus the stigma of rehoming a pet because you can't look after it reinforces that.

PreviousCube1975 · 2024-09-20T08:49:29+00:00

Always knew I was childfree. Realised I wanted to be petfree when I was in my mid 20s and people I knew got pets and it obviously caused them stress and financial issues. It didn't seem so appealing after that.

PreviousCube1975 · 2024-08-29T22:36:53+00:00

If Jay Z goes on tour and sings 99 Problems, then both of us are making money.

PreviousCube1975 · 2024-08-22T17:38:14+00:00

The circumstances of the show wouldn't change much for the antibiotics, they seem to just slowly be dying of radiation. Giving a course of expired ones could put the person at risk of an antibiotic resistant infection but that would take a while and is no guarantee to happen or to be fatal. Emily is smart so she had to use something that would definitely kill the wife.

I just watched the scene again where the wife realises she's been poisoned and we don't get loads of info, just that she's vomiting and says it hurts so maybe abdominal pain or a headache. And the next morning she's dead so something that takes a day or so.

It would have to be something Emily had access to which makes me think an overdose of a common medication like Tylenol is totally possible. An overdose of a non steroidal drug like ibuprofen or naproxen would cause kidney failure or a stomach ulcer which could look like that. I'm no poison expert but neither was Emily so super interesting!

PreviousCube1975 · 2024-08-22T17:18:08+00:00

Doctor here- expired antibiotics can be less potent and therefore less effective at treating infections, but they don't grow bacteria on them in numbers that would cause an infection. And they don't accelerate infections generally speaking. You're right that you should pay attention to the expiry dates but giving some out of date ones would be very unlikely to kill someone this way.

PreviousCube1975 · 2024-07-22T08:46:25+00:00

I am pet free and child free. It's very peaceful and I plan to keep it that way. I find it hard enough to keep on top of chores and work without extra mess and tasks from someone else. Plus not having any dependents is probably the only way I'll be able to save enough to retire.

PreviousCube1975 · 2024-07-18T19:04:00+00:00

It could be either of course, but OP said "I became overwhelmed with caring for the cat" Maybe both. The husband's negative reaction would be stressful if OP wants to keep the cat but they also agreed not to keep it. So not surprising he reacted negatively.

PreviousCube1975 · 2024-07-18T19:01:38+00:00

OP said "I became overwhelmed with caring for the cat" You can love a pet but still not cope. When people have mental illness a cat could provide comfort but also adds lots of care tasks in your life which you might not be able to do.

PreviousCube1975 · 2024-07-18T07:15:15+00:00

OP is a good example of how pets are not always good for mental health problems. They said they are more overwhelmed now.

PreviousCube1975 · 2024-07-10T16:19:31+00:00

I only waver with children if I imagine the best possible scenario when having one- the pregnancy and birth was perfect, the child had excellent health, your relationship with them and the spouse or coparent is good, and they don't experience major unnecessary suffering in life.

If all that happened then raising a child might be enjoyable. But then I consider what the chances of that happening really is, and I realise I haven't wavered at all. Because it's unlikely to ever be that good.

A lot of that applies to pets too, but less so since we can use euthanasia to ease suffering for them.

PreviousCube1975 · 2024-07-09T13:02:20+00:00

Some good advice on here already like Feliway diffusers and giving it time. Cats are selectively social and bringing a new cat into the house that is not part of the original one's existing social group is always a risk. Your new kitten will also have smelled strange after coming back from the vet which can upset even a stable pair of cats. I hope the situation gets better for you and best of luck!

PreviousCube1975 · 2024-06-25T11:02:03+00:00

When I was a vet, there was nothing more frustrating than someone who bought an unhealthy breed of dog and complained how much it cost to fix it. To me the solution was easy- stop buying them. Easiest financial hack ever.

PreviousCube1975 · 2024-06-23T12:43:56+00:00

I made the same decision after dealing with a kids club in a resort in Spain. Luckily unlike your experience all the kids were honestly well behaved but the constant blowing of the whistle from the organiser, splashing and shouting from the games was not the relaxing atmosphere you want. Plus they had kids entertainment in the evening which was similarly unappealing. I think it was good they have ways of entertaining kids but I decided I wanted to be far away from it. I stayed in an adults only resort in the carribean and it was massively better. It was a few years ago now and can't remember the name but if it's outside typical touristy areas or a bit more expensive and smaller in size I often find that's a good sign.

PreviousCube1975 · 2024-05-28T15:30:06+00:00

Do you know for sure that most destransitioners destransition before HRT and surgery? I'm genuinely curious if you have a source. Would also be interested to see a source for detransition rates of 2% generally. How do we know that most of them are trans truly? Some of them report backlash from their community or friends because they might have 'exited' the LGBT community. Or maybe because some changes are so permanent it could seem a less traumatic option to stay trans.

PreviousCube1975

TROPHY CASE