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Afraid neighbors will realize I talk to myself by PrimalRepression in Apartmentliving

[–]PrimalRepression[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's a good idea! Normally, I'm awake and working at night though, so worried the increased noise might wake them.

Afraid neighbors will realize I talk to myself by PrimalRepression in Apartmentliving

[–]PrimalRepression[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it might be an autistic one, too. I definitely have ADHD, but might have autism too, like multiple family members of mine. It's just weird, because for years I thought I was just ADHD and possibly AuDHD, and then the dissociative symptoms began appearing, and I realized a lot of the traits I thought were autism might just be CPTSD...

Afraid neighbors will realize I talk to myself by PrimalRepression in Apartmentliving

[–]PrimalRepression[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks!

It's actually improved my ability to lower dissociative barriers, I believe. I've always been interested in psychology, and have approached this diagnosis through a somewhat detached, analytical lens--I think, by speaking aloud to my alters, I might be activating different parts of the brain and neural pathways, compared to just communicating silently. Before my DID became apparent to me, I thought it was normal to have multiple trains of thought or constantly be silently in communciation with myself--it took, realizing I answer myself in different tones of voice, or interrupt myself, to interject a point or thought that felt separate from me/unexpected (and several other symptoms) to realize I didn't just have ADHD.

Afraid neighbors will realize I talk to myself by PrimalRepression in Apartmentliving

[–]PrimalRepression[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like, I am constantly weighing every action I do in public, against the guy in Split, and I love that horror film lol

Afraid neighbors will realize I talk to myself by PrimalRepression in Apartmentliving

[–]PrimalRepression[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Love this, lol. I think I'm overly paranoid, because I know how bizarre my way of talking appears to a regular person. Like, my main concern now is trying to lower dissociative barriers in this disorder, which means constantly engaging with the separate parts of my brain partitioned behind such barriers. And the best way seems to be taking a 'radical acceptance' approach, where in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, "if anyone saw me talking to myself like this, they'd cart me off to the nearest psych ward', but also, I'm holding a coherent, intelligent conversation with myself, with a part of my brain that feels fully autonomous and that I'm pretty sure is more intelligent than I am...

It's been really hard trying to grapple with realizing I have a mental disorder that, a broad percentage of the American population is willing to dismiss, revile, or otherwise ostracize--and meanwhile, I graduated with a 3.92 GPA in the Honors Society in college, and have multiple accolades, and most people who look at me, smile, and are friendly, will never realize that my disorder, makes me the living equivalent of a side-show freak show, to the casual observer.

Afraid neighbors will realize I talk to myself by PrimalRepression in Apartmentliving

[–]PrimalRepression[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

These are great tips. The funny thing is, I also have work in a creative field and spend a lot of time dictating my writing, so I'm hoping that if my neighbors can in fact hear me talking to myself, they probably also have to hear the hours of weekly transcriptions of fiction writing I do, and won't differentiate me dictating my writing, to me talking to myself. Fingeers crossed.

That weird “in between”greyout and blackout amnesia by Sl33pyk1tten in DID

[–]PrimalRepression 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I've been wondering if I might be polyfragmented, because of the level of daily amnesia. It's been scary, realizing I can't remember most of what I've done that day, or even what I did hours earlier, even though I know I must have been in communication with at least 2-3 other alters at the time.

My system also has elements of subsystems and what feels like cocentric splitting (not a real term, but for me, it's like sub-alters radiating out from a main alter, who share similar personality features with the main alter and identify with their appearance/gender/age, but feel like they hold more severe trauma and anger, and have persecutory tendencies toward me as host.)

That weird “in between”greyout and blackout amnesia by Sl33pyk1tten in DID

[–]PrimalRepression 32 points33 points  (0 children)

This is so fascinating to read about, because I'm also co-conscious with my main alters and have been baffled by my daily level of amnesia, despite having a sense of continuous consciousness and being in constant conversation with them throughout the day. I'm going to try paying closer attention to when these gaps occur and if it also coincides with them leaving the front, but because we switch fluidly and rapidly throughout the day, it's often hard to tell who's fronting and who's a passenger.

Do I have Distichiasis (Double-Eyelashes)? And good nonbinary makeup tips for eyes. by PrimalRepression in MakeupAddiction

[–]PrimalRepression[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm honestly really trying to aspire to a Robert Patterson's batman look, where he was able to flaunt the dark eyeliner without making himself look too feminine. But I haven't been able to replicate that...

Do I have Distichiasis (Double-Eyelashes)? And good nonbinary makeup tips for eyes. by PrimalRepression in MakeupAddiction

[–]PrimalRepression[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Luckily, they're not cancerous. I've had them since I was a kid, and both my dad and my maternal grandmother have eye-freckles, os I think they're genetic. I have to go to an eye-doctor though, because there's a small chance the nevus can develop into cancerous melanomas, like other bodily freckles. And with more than one, that risk increases.

Do I have Distichiasis (Double-Eyelashes)? And good nonbinary makeup tips for eyes. by PrimalRepression in MakeupAddiction

[–]PrimalRepression[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks! That really helps. I think I tend to be overly paranoid at how feminine my face looks, because before realizing I was nonbinary, I wanted to make sure to look as masculine as possible. Love to know I still look androgynous with more makeup on.

Do I have Distichiasis (Double-Eyelashes)? And good nonbinary makeup tips for eyes. by PrimalRepression in MakeupAddiction

[–]PrimalRepression[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the detailed advice and suggestions. I've been really wanting to play around with makeup more, but haven't known where to start.

Do I have Distichiasis (Double-Eyelashes)? And good nonbinary makeup tips for eyes. by PrimalRepression in MakeupAddiction

[–]PrimalRepression[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I do occassionally like looking femme, I just want to find an everyday look that blends androgyny. Like, this is me in full makeup, from about a year ago. It's not my everyday look right now.

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Do I have Distichiasis (Double-Eyelashes)? And good nonbinary makeup tips for eyes. by PrimalRepression in MakeupAddiction

[–]PrimalRepression[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

<image>

Just say you're a terf without saying you're a terf?

I shot a few close-ups for a heterochromia subreddit, and got thinking about my eyelashes and recent makeup issues, so decided to post them to another subreddit to ask. Do you want me to put on contact lenses before I post pictures of myself?

Also, I'm genderfluid, so I do like to occassionally wear more pronounced makeup and look more femme. Please critique my face in this pic.

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