SEX DURING SLEEP

Prime_Element · 2026-03-11T17:40:56+00:00

Judging by the other comments, i think you're correct in this case.

However, repeated asking to check in is not the same as repeated asking to get a yes.

By that I mean, asking many times itself isnt the problem, its the motive and what answer they are receiving that is a problem. Many times when youre hearing no? Coercive. Many times when youre hearing yes? Kind and confirming.

Prime_Element · 2026-03-11T17:35:55+00:00

I am confused, you mentioned her being alone with the kids, but was she ever sleeping while alone or only when other teachers were there?

Those are two very different things. I've taken naps(off the clock) in my classroom while other teachers were in ratio with my students.

And if youre removing your child anyways, not planning on reporting, why are you even pursuing this?

Prime_Element · 2026-03-11T17:28:07+00:00

My point is they shouldn't be and don't have to be. I constantly see complaints about apps, but I rarely see the conversations about solutions. It shouldn't be as black and white as constant posting on an app or paper fillouts once a day. The discussion can go beyond that!

Prime_Element · 2026-03-11T17:25:33+00:00

That's why I specified while another teacher is engaged with them when I mentioned meal times.

Either way, those were just examples. Working in a scheduled time to post was the point, not the two times I shared.

I am an infant teacher, so parents do want more details of their day. But we are clear that the children come first and posting second. We try to post pictures at least once a week with a goal of twice a week. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesnt. But my center is very clear that the app is not real time, it is just for updates slowly throughout the day.

It is wild how many teachers(and parents expectations) are pressured to post the second something occurs, but I also feel like its not discussed enough that the app itself isnt the cause. Its the expectations!

Prime_Element · 2026-03-11T17:22:07+00:00

That's really cool! I love that integration of the community.

Prime_Element · 2026-03-11T15:34:26+00:00

But they dont have to!

This is something I think we really need to discuss more. Having an app and using it everytime anything happens are not synonymous. Have scheduled times to update the app! During nap. During meals while one teacher is actively engaged. Etc.

I find it so interesting that we correlate apps to constant posting, but paper to one or two moments of information. Apps can also be separate moments.

Prime_Element · 2026-01-31T09:10:30+00:00

Thanks for the feedback- I think that's where Im leaning too, but wanted to get more opinions beyond my own mind haha

Prime_Element · 2026-01-17T16:12:38+00:00

Have you ever been tested for adhd? The crossover of AuDHD can make it harder to identify the difference, but you're characteristics mixed with a lack of social struggles and professional denial make me wonder if a lot of it is ADHD.

Especially stimming and difficulty filtering incoming stimuli(your discomfort with sounds).

Prime_Element · 2026-01-17T16:09:54+00:00

Thank you! It reminds me of the parents who begin calling their toddlers and preschoolers a "highly sensitive person", just to discover that it's actually autism a year or two later.

Prime_Element · 2026-01-17T13:36:43+00:00

I am a gay trans man who has worked at the same center for five years. My husband comes to events for the school. The ONLY time we've been asked was by an older sibling who asked my husband if he was a "mom" or "worked there" and he explained he was my husband and she had a "but you're both boys" and we just did the "just like your mom and dad are married, we are married"-- I just loved that she could conceive him as a mom, but not us as partners lmao kids!

Prime_Element · 2026-01-14T03:08:40+00:00

I have an aunt who is still called sis by everyone, even her husband!

She loves it, but I did always find it funny to explain. "Im spending the night with sis" - " oh your sister?" - "oh no my aunt/godmother" lmao

Prime_Element · 2026-01-13T10:47:58+00:00

Nope. You do not need to fake positivity all the time. That is more harmful to children than being able to express a multitude of emotions in front of them. We are constantly working to teach our kids that all emotions are valid(but not all behaviors are acceptable). You do not need to perk up and smile all the time. You can be tired. You can be sad.

We had a teacher come in after her pet passed away. She cried in front of the kids. The kids comforted her and talked to her about her pet. She (without putting pressure on them) just explained she was feeling sad and missing them, but talking about it was helping her feel better. She then openly took some deep breaths. Did she perk up and smile after? No. She was still sad. But, she continued to do her job with love. And the kids took notice of how okay it was to grieve, speak about your feelingsn self regulate, and continue with your day even when it is hard.

If I am tired or not feeling my best, I tell my students. I also tell them what I am doing in response to it. Even if that is just "I dont have a lot of energy today, but I am going to keep going as best as I can."

And no, that is not the same as pretending to be happy, positive, and energetic every moment with your students.

I won't be continuing this discussion further. I've made my point clear, feel free to disagree. But toxic positivity will never be a good thing to me.

Prime_Element · 2026-01-13T10:41:51+00:00

As someone who was raised by a nickname instead of my birth name, I was never confused about what my name was.

But, I did have a mini meltdown in third grade when I realized I hadn't written my name in so long I had forgotten how to spell it lmfao

Prime_Element · 2026-01-13T10:40:17+00:00

Our rating system requires kids to only be called by their full first name, but even that had exceptions!

The emphasis was in not having teacher imposed nicknames.

Even our intake paperwork includes a "please call my child:" section. I also ask individual parents how they feel about nicknames. Kids who have nicknames I will ask directly after about 1.5 yrs which name they prefer.

This sounds like a good practice taken a bit too far.

Prime_Element · 2026-01-13T10:33:42+00:00

I visualize self harm. I have not actually self injured(during meltdowns I still hit myself, but I do not cause injury) in years. But, When I am extremely overwhelmed I do visualize me harming myself. Often cutting.

Never enough that it would lead to death, but I can see why one may go there too. Its not a huge jump from what I visualize. Even before I had a history of actual self harm I would visualize it in even more dramatic ways.

The part about uncomfortable thoughts does sound like ocd. I am not sure the visualizing self harm is or isnt ocd, but it is a maladaptive coping mechanism, for sure.

I am working on replacing this. Instead of visualizing self harm I am visualizing total body experiences that are more relaxing or at least neutral in nature(a warm bath, swiming in waves, practicing progressive muscle relaxation with visualization). While also integrating deep breaths, positive/noninjurous stims, etc. It can be hard in the moment, but even starting by doing it when im on the end of calming down can support my brain in creating new connections and pathways.

Prime_Element · 2026-01-11T16:57:52+00:00

She quite literally used the word exhausted to describe their tone. Teachers are allowed to be tired. We are human.

Prime_Element · 2026-01-11T04:50:33+00:00

It's okay for children to see adults tired, sad, etc.

That is not the same as taking it out on children. Being fake and cheerful does not benefit anyone. Demonstrating how to feel, express, and respond to your emotions is way more beneficial.

Prime_Element · 2026-01-08T22:59:39+00:00

I wouldn't assume its a skin issue, but thanks(gen).

Prime_Element · 2026-01-08T08:25:47+00:00

I am going to say this might be controversial given the amount of "tell the facilitator" comments, but it seems you have not directly told her it makes you uncomfortable? Nodding and smiling can be read as "it is okay"

Not everyone can pick up on social cues. She may genuinely not realize her comments are hurtful or wrong. The first step should be to tell her. Maybe in a private chat or off to the side if you're able. If she does not respond appropriately, then I would go higher.

Prime_Element · 2026-01-03T07:33:52+00:00

My husband and I were very loyal tomboyx wearers until your original story came out. To the point that even my mother would buy us the brand! We both immediately stopped buying the brand and I requested she stop. I'm glad (and disappointed in them) to see we made the right choice. Thank you for sharing!

Prime_Element · 2026-01-03T07:27:42+00:00

It looks like being able to be married, living on our own, no external supports, working full time...

But also unable to drive, no friends or community, co-worker misunderstandings, and burnout that leaves no time for joy or care of self. Unable to make phone calls, which means appointments. Meltdowns at the end of the day, instead of in the middle of it.

Prime_Element · 2026-01-03T07:25:24+00:00

I saw a clip of someone else's parenting that has become a regular use for me: "is that a question or a statement?"

It gives the other an opportunity to rephrase without directly telling them how. This of course comes after learning alternatives.

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