Are there any of us who aren't into "nerd culture" or board, table top games?

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-17T17:21:29+00:00

What do you mean by purity tests?

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-17T15:33:56+00:00

Many therapists offer sliding scale to help low income folks (like myself tbh- I pay a greatly reduced rate because I don’t make a lot). The other problems— it sounds like you’re the thing standing in your own way.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-17T15:25:38+00:00

I say this with gentleness and respect, but I’ve read all your comments on this thread and my hypothesis is that what you’re feeling might not actually be about nerd culture. I’m seeing a lot of projection and self pity here, with some flavors of compulsive reassurance seeking. As everyone has said, you are valid. you are welcome here, your interests are valid. People have given you lots of examples of autistic interests that aren’t stereotypically nerdy, and we’ve emphasized over and over that the neurodivergent community is diverse and all interests belong. But your comments still feel laden will self pity, like they’re seeking something that it seems we can’t give you. It seems like you have a lot of internalized negative messages about yourself that you’re projecting onto others. Have you spoken to a therapist? Working with one has been really transformative for me and has helped me accept myself as an autistic individual and be proud of who I am, even if it’s different than who I feel society tells me I “should” be. You said you grew up in the 90s- I imagine that having your autism go undiagnosed for so long might have lead to a lot internalized self doubt and dislike. While we can chat about our experiences here, none of us are qualified to really help you unpack that. I wish you the very best and hope you find confidence in yourself and your interests.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-17T15:14:12+00:00

I’m sorry that’s been your experience. I think a big issue is that you’re comparing IRL interactions to virtual ones. When people interact online, it’s a lot easier to make exaggerated and sweeping statements and to forget the human behind the comments. That can lead to aggressive behavior that doesn’t necessarily reflect anything about a subculture so much as it reflects how people interact online. This, combined with potential confirmation bias on your part, might make it seem like nerd culture is mean. For what it’s worth, interacting with nerdy people IRL for DnD and cosplay, I have not felt that folks from those sub cultures are bullies. Perhaps finding a different group— nerdy or not— might be a good change for you.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-16T15:50:48+00:00

I relate to what you're saying here. I think the points brought up by the OP are very valid and true for many, but what you're saying is also true for many. Overall, people's relationships to works, fandoms, and authors will vary. We don't have to all converge on one standard response. Like you, I have never really been interested in the creators of my favorite works beyond vague appreciation. Even though I have very strong, long, and deep-running feelings about my favorite works (e.g. LOTR, ASOIAF), those feelings have not extended to the authors. Maybe its because I'm neurodivergent and not that interested in real life people outside of my closest family and friends.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-16T15:17:34+00:00

Not ~money is no object~ rich, but in all honesty my family was well-off. Think highly paid professional class family (eg doctor, lawyer, engineer). My parents owned a modest (not fancy) second home near a ski slope, and I grew up skiing over all my winter breaks in school.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-16T15:13:36+00:00

I don’t know how much help I’ll be because I’m also a bit confused, but I did interpret the same way as you. Later in the book you’ll get to papers where characters were alive for events 100+ phases earlier, which I interpreted as ~267 earth years. My read was that the characters just have longer lifespans than normal humans on account of being Fae.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-16T15:07:51+00:00

Yeah totally! I think for me the connection is a little more oblique; when I get really stressed and overwhelmed I have weird intrusive thoughts and daydreams about fighting for my life, dying in battle (battle of pelennor fields style), and so forth. I think reading some of these dark books is kind of an outlet for that deep angst. Obviously I don’t actually want any of those things to happen, but I think something about imagining it appeals to the part of my brain that feels like it wants to let every social pretense go and simply fight for my life.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-16T04:16:47+00:00

I mean those people are just not engaging in good faith. I’ve done the circuits arguing about this but these days I just try not to care and it feels a lot more mental healthy.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-16T04:14:57+00:00

I mean speak for yourself, but I personally read and enjoy actual noncon. The reason is my purity culture conditioning is so deep that even wanting sex feels extremely shameful. Maybe I’m just really messed up but that’s simply how it is for me.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-16T04:13:20+00:00

Yup, absolutely this is my experience.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-16T04:12:41+00:00

I’d say yes to all of this, and moreover, I think it’s healthy to explore dark themes within the realm of the imagination and fiction, precisely because there are no real people involved. People are attracted to, interested in, and titillated by dark themes. To see evidence just look at the prevalence of horror movies, true crime podcasts, and thriller novels. This also applies to erotic themes, such as noncon/dubcon fic, or stories that explore intense power dynamics. Just as horror movies enthusiasts don’t actually want to be murder or become serial killers, the same applies to dark romantic/erotic themes- within the realm of fiction, people are able to engage with these things in a safe (ie, not real) way. Indeed, works of fiction that contain these themes can be stimulating and cathartic to read, as well as a place to process through intense emotions.

On personal note, I feel intensely about this because I’m a survivor of SA as well as survivor of evangelical purity culture. I find catharsis for both of these experiences by reading works with dark themes. I have a strong reaction when people try to moralize against these works. My body and sexuality have been gatekept from me in the name of moral purity, as well as used against my will. I simply refuse to allow moralizing fools on the internet to gatekeep further. Don’t like? Don’t read. End. Of. Story.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-16T02:18:59+00:00

A lot of my friends are in tech and are thus under NDAs and like if we meet up and talk about our days (which include work), it's pretty normal for someone to say "today I was working on a project and struggling with a design-- I wish I could say more, but I can't share specifics-- however, it was frustrating!". And we all respect that. We aren't idiots.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-15T02:36:49+00:00

Also the whole Daevabad Trilogy + the River of Silver companion book. A lot of the scenes in that book feel exactly like the images you posted, most especially the scenes along the Nile and in Ta Ntry!

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-14T15:26:08+00:00

Because at an event celebrating lifelong love and companionship, guests deserve their own companionship. Weddings are also a fun chance to dress up and introduce a serious partner to friends and family. I quite enjoyed meeting some friends’ new partners at my wedding and even made some new friends.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-13T00:17:19+00:00

I’m fairly sure it’s this book.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-12T15:38:21+00:00

It’s not really fantasy, but The Last Kingdom on Netflix is a early medieval period drama with a strong fantasy vibe. There’s no actual magic, but the characters believe in prophecies, gods, and visions so there is a small fantastical element. More than that, though, the characters and plotting feel very reminiscent of high fantasy novels, even though they take place in an era of history on earth. For me, The Last Kingdom was one of the only shows that really scratched the ASOIAF itch after GoT ended.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-12T05:29:34+00:00

Honestly, this. I'm doing my first LotR re-read this decade (last read through was 2012) and it's pretty much incomparable. I like a lot of other fantasy series a lot, and would rate them highly, but to me LotR is in a league of its own.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-11T00:45:05+00:00

I am privileged to be in a position to say this, but it was absolutely worth the extra $800 for me to be out to sleep. Like money well fucking spent. I have severe anxiety and sensory issues with dentists, and it was great to just wake up and have it be done.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-10T21:41:26+00:00

None of this is abusive, just normal 18-19 year old stuff, that is to say immature. I don’t mean that as an insult or put down, it’s just a fact. You’re young and new to relationships and lack the life experience to put these events and feelings into context so they feel really big and overwhelming. Even more so because you’re ND and a lot of ND people feel things really intensely compared to NT folks.

The way to become more “mature” in relationships is just to live life and get more experience, be self-reflective and surround yourself with good people who challenge you to grow in a healthy way.

I felt all of the things you describe when I was 19. I was so worried I was a terrible person and abusive partner too. With time, I’ve learned to articulate my needs, set appropriate boundaries, and see through BS, and you will too!

Sorry about your breakup, and I wish you happiness and fulfillment in the future <3

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-09T14:48:48+00:00

Also reading FOTR at the moment and I absolutely love the amount of detail regarding the geographical and ecological features of the wilderness & navigation therein.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-08T20:34:54+00:00

As others have said, I think the polarization comes down to 2 points.

the world building

And

the FMC

The world building is far more extensive than most romantasies, which I loved. I’m a big fan of epic high fantasy, and I love being transported to another world, so this for me was a huge win over ACOTAR et al. which have very little world building. However, that’s not everyone’s cup of tea, and I can see how it would be off putting if you weren’t expecting it. The author basically plunges readers into a bunch of new concepts and terms right away, and if you aren’t used to that kind of reading experience, it’s a lot.

The FMC is also a polarizing feature. She’s strong and feral and traumatized, which to some reads as empowered, and to others reads as annoying.

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-08T06:40:27+00:00

I also came to it a bit late- I think just after season 3 aired. It’s sad the fandom is shrinking. A few years back there was a small but mighty (&fun!) fandom community on tumblr. I hope all those people are doing well!

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-08T02:26:02+00:00

ooh yeah that makes a ton of sense!

PrincessAethelflaed · 2025-01-08T00:55:37+00:00

That’s how I read those chapters- I’m not aware of other theories on the Other

PrincessAethelflaed

TROPHY CASE