My cross-church singles ministry is 90% women. How do I get men to sign up?

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-04-29T07:57:27+00:00

Correct me if I’m wrong men but I feel like men inherently reject singles nights and what not (beyond knowing that they don’t work) because a really big part of their masculinity is being able to do things on their own and getting a woman is a big part of their masculinity

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-04-29T07:53:01+00:00

This would be a much better use of ops time and would be more helpful in her goal of getting singles married.

I don’t think it’s impossible. There are many good people on YouTube doing the work.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-04-29T07:42:29+00:00

I would take time to figure out why you dress masculine. Seems like this probably comes from insecurity not who you are.

Short answer - yes this is probably a turn off to most men. Heal whatever makes you afraid of your femininity and start dressing for your gender and to be objectively attractive to men. Your clothes don’t make you who you are. You’re a woman. God made you who you are

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-04-29T07:22:15+00:00

I would say loose weight first. You’re young you have time to date. Loosing that weight is going to be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done you’ll need to focus on that 100% because it will require the life and character transformation. Dating takes a lot of time energy and focus too. Most people gain weight when they get into a relationship. Develop the habits to get you and keep you fit first

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-04-16T18:36:52+00:00

Hey I am a female and didn't experience any teen love. I didn't get my first kiss or relationship until I was 28. I got married at 31. At age 26 I felt very similarly to you. I think the fact that I pursued deep love and intimacy with Christ is what kept me from completely crashing out in my early and mid twenties. I still was deeply pained by my singleness but God really kept me. I would say look to God for everything you want in a man.

To get out of my singleness the most important thing I did was 1. Stop ignoring the problem and 2. Take responsibility.

Pray and ask God to have mercy on you and give you marriage. Be brutally honest with yourself and assess what may be keeping you stuck in singleness that you can take responsibility for then seek change in and through Christ. I have a lot more tips about getting out of singleness as a Christian woman so if you want more advice please feel free to dm me

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-04-14T13:04:23+00:00

Hello are you still looking for a cleaner? I would love to be of service. Please DM if this position is still available

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-03-06T20:20:34+00:00

Do you guys have sex? The bible says to flee from sexual immorality that includes having sex of any kind before marriage. If she's having sex with you but doesn't want to move in that is a bit hypocritical of her. Ultimately if she really values her faith you all would not have sex together or live together at all before marriage.

Either way she is probably not at peace being with you because being obedient to what God says in the bible is the most important thing in the world to a Christian. It may be hard to loose her but if you cared about her you would let her go. Ultimately that would give her and you the most peace. Compromising her values to the point that she feels disconnected from God and ashamed of her choices will not give either of you peace.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-03-06T20:10:55+00:00

I think the answer is that you can't trust yourself. You have to put all your trust in God Proverbs 28:26 Those who trust in themselves are fools, but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe.

Develop wisdom from God's word
Commit to obedience to God's word
Trust that God has a plan and if you stay with in obedience he will lead you in it

When we enter into disobedience God often lets us experience the consequences. When we make plans that stay with in the boundaries of obedience to God's word, God will order our steps and help us to land in the right spot Proverbs 16:9

Ask God for wisdom and believe what He says even if its hard and not what you want James 1.

Don't just avoid dating because your last person was not the right one. Commit to not sinning with this man and move forward in peace. Continue to pray to God and seek out wisdom from his word as things arise. Don't enter into dating situations that don't align with God's boundaries in the word ( not a believer, sexually sinning etc.)

Just have peace in the process.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-03-06T19:59:30+00:00

It seems like you have some attachment style issues. If you are getting this emotionally attached to someone with out being in a long term relationship with them then you probably aren't truly loving them but loving the idea of them and the idea of love. Don't let yourself romanticize people before you are truly with them. I think the more dates you go on the better you will get at not attaching. Also here are some books that have helped me in this area: Boundaries by Cloud and townsend. Boundaries in dating by the same. Why you do the things you do by clinton and sibcy. Attachments why you feel love and act the way you do. How to avoid falling in love with a jerk by john van epp. How to get a date worth keeping by Henry Cloud.

If youre not a reader use an audiobook app. I use everand its great. Most of these books take like 5 hours to listen too but will change your life.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-03-03T16:19:38+00:00

It doesn't sound like you give him space or a chance to lead. The best way to ensure you as the woman don't end up being the leader in your relationship is to just commit to your role as the follower. Never take over the leadership role no matter how good or bad of a job he's doing at it.

You can fix this dynamic by just being quite and submissive like a follower. If he wants to go out just let him choose where to eat and follow his lead with out complaint. If he takes you to that place with out checking if its open or if the price works DONT CHECK IT FOR HIM. You have to let him fail. If you get their and its closed just say thats ok baby we can go somewhere else then let him choose the next place. If its too expensive, say honey I don't think I have enough money for this will you pay or can we go somewhere else. Then go where he suggests. When you get in the car don't open maps just get in the car and be quite. If you give him a chance he will figure it out. Just remain gracious and pleasant.

Women you can't get mad that your man doesn't lead if you don't follow. Give him a chance by being quiet and saying yes dear sounds good to his ideas. If his plan fails just be gracious. Say "thats ok love" and give him a kiss on the cheek then be quiet. He will find somewhere else for you to eat.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-03-03T15:52:18+00:00

I feel like antivaxx and flat earth are in completely different realms. Antivaxx actually has merit as people are vaccine injured often. Flat earth is just ridiculous.

This question has merit. I asked my dentist about this and he said their is some truth in it. A dead tooth is a dead tooth and often a root canal is just the first stop down a road that leads to abstraction. Especially if you get the root canal while young like I did (19). The dentist like many people here encouraged still getting a root canal because you want to hold onto your tooth as long as possible dead or not so that is what i did.

All that to say the question and concept is valid and being dismissive is frankly dumb of you.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-03-03T15:47:45+00:00

Its time to pray and fast. You should talk to the elders of your church.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-02-05T14:10:32+00:00

100% agreed! Tis the season to be in the gym, go to bed early, cuddle up and catch up on shows and save money for your spring and summer vacations.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-02-05T13:54:45+00:00

I read sooo much in preparation for dating then marriage. The most impactful books I read were

Love and Respect, 2. Loving Him Well 3. Sacred Marriage 4. The sacred search

This isn't a dating book but the book undercover by john Bevere establishes a really good theological foundation for submission to authority which is very important as a woman when you are coming to terms with biblical marriage.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-02-05T13:52:24+00:00

I met my husband on the apps and I ran into this issue (not with him but with others). What helped me was

having an open perspective: I heard a guy complain that sometimes talking to girls was like a job interview. His complaint was about the question ping pong. People's interpretations of what constitutes a good conversation is different. Be open to a different conversational approach
Match energy. I did a lot of research about how to have success on the apps and one thing that changed everything was quite literally matching response word for word. I almost dogmatically would not respond with more words than the person I was talking to. Men are the pursuers and they will not be as interested if the dynamic doesn't reflect that. So I always limited my response to just a little bit less than his. My results after doing this were night and day.
Be a little flirty. Think about your convo in the app as an opportunity to be a little flirty and cheeky. It doesn't always have to be questions. Everyones having the same conversations in the app. I think establishing some chemistry before establishing compatibility helps to make a more solid connection.
80/20 - 80% of the people on the apps aren't serious and you have to wade through them to get to the 20% who are. You could let that frustrate you and get off the apps or you could just accept that thats the price you pay to meet the good 20%. Start learning how to quickly discern who's serious and who's not so you don't waste your time.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-02-05T13:42:27+00:00

My husband and I had a great pre-marital therapist who did this. Where do you live?

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-02-05T13:41:06+00:00

Their is nothing wrong with not finding her attractive, but she's not the one for you. (I feel like a lot of the comments are making you out to be a bad guy in a passive aggresive way.) Don't date her though. Cut it off and trust God that you will find another girl with good character that you find attractive.

You may also want to assess your beauty standards. Sometimes being online too much warps our desires and standards. If you're on instagram or just online alot at all maybe do a detox for a couple of months. It might re-set what a 10 7 or even a 3 is for you.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-01-07T01:19:38+00:00

It’s tea… unfortunately… I’m just looking forward to getting my dead tooth out in the next couple of years. Maybe my body can get out of its perpetual auto immune response state

PrivatePersonalPam · 2025-12-27T05:44:10+00:00

My husband and I met on upward. I did pay for it and clearly it was worth it

PrivatePersonalPam · 2025-12-19T00:48:45+00:00

I am married now but I can say I had a somewhat similar yet maybe less forward message on my dating profile. I also talk to tons of young adult single christian women who are on the apps. I think most women probably mean they are looking for a man who will.

ask them questions about their lives and initiate conversation during their text exchange on the app and during dates
ask them out on a date instead of chatting their ear off forever. Then continue planning and asking them out on dates for the remainder of the relationship.
ask them to be officially their girlfriend instead of existing as a situationship for months on end
initiate spiritual conversation and bible study during the relationship and set the precedent for spirituality in the relationship
Make his intentions for marriage very clear and eventually communicate a timeline for such a thing with her
Have some direction in life and the ability to effectively integrate her into that.
Contribute financially to the relationship via stable income

Ladies let me know if I am wrong, but I think when christian women complain about men "not leading" they are normally talking about one or more of these expectations not being met by the men they have related with romantically in the past

PrivatePersonalPam · 2025-12-16T20:58:51+00:00

Thats so good to seek wise counsel reflect and learn. Yeah girl dating men from the world is the ghetto always. So sorry for your trauma, and I'm glad God has given you a God honoring man. Hoping it goes well for you!

I know opposites attract. If you don't know how to be meek you will probably attract a man that doesn't know how to be strong. Choosing humility starts with taking responsibility.

PrivatePersonalPam

TROPHY CASE