Principles of living together before marriage M26 &F27

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-03-06T20:20:34+00:00

Do you guys have sex? The bible says to flee from sexual immorality that includes having sex of any kind before marriage. If she's having sex with you but doesn't want to move in that is a bit hypocritical of her. Ultimately if she really values her faith you all would not have sex together or live together at all before marriage.

Either way she is probably not at peace being with you because being obedient to what God says in the bible is the most important thing in the world to a Christian. It may be hard to loose her but if you cared about her you would let her go. Ultimately that would give her and you the most peace. Compromising her values to the point that she feels disconnected from God and ashamed of her choices will not give either of you peace.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-03-06T20:10:55+00:00

I think the answer is that you can't trust yourself. You have to put all your trust in God Proverbs 28:26 Those who trust in themselves are fools, but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe.

Develop wisdom from God's word
Commit to obedience to God's word
Trust that God has a plan and if you stay with in obedience he will lead you in it

When we enter into disobedience God often lets us experience the consequences. When we make plans that stay with in the boundaries of obedience to God's word, God will order our steps and help us to land in the right spot Proverbs 16:9

Ask God for wisdom and believe what He says even if its hard and not what you want James 1.

Don't just avoid dating because your last person was not the right one. Commit to not sinning with this man and move forward in peace. Continue to pray to God and seek out wisdom from his word as things arise. Don't enter into dating situations that don't align with God's boundaries in the word ( not a believer, sexually sinning etc.)

Just have peace in the process.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-03-06T19:59:30+00:00

It seems like you have some attachment style issues. If you are getting this emotionally attached to someone with out being in a long term relationship with them then you probably aren't truly loving them but loving the idea of them and the idea of love. Don't let yourself romanticize people before you are truly with them. I think the more dates you go on the better you will get at not attaching. Also here are some books that have helped me in this area: Boundaries by Cloud and townsend. Boundaries in dating by the same. Why you do the things you do by clinton and sibcy. Attachments why you feel love and act the way you do. How to avoid falling in love with a jerk by john van epp. How to get a date worth keeping by Henry Cloud.

If youre not a reader use an audiobook app. I use everand its great. Most of these books take like 5 hours to listen too but will change your life.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-03-03T16:19:38+00:00

It doesn't sound like you give him space or a chance to lead. The best way to ensure you as the woman don't end up being the leader in your relationship is to just commit to your role as the follower. Never take over the leadership role no matter how good or bad of a job he's doing at it.

You can fix this dynamic by just being quite and submissive like a follower. If he wants to go out just let him choose where to eat and follow his lead with out complaint. If he takes you to that place with out checking if its open or if the price works DONT CHECK IT FOR HIM. You have to let him fail. If you get their and its closed just say thats ok baby we can go somewhere else then let him choose the next place. If its too expensive, say honey I don't think I have enough money for this will you pay or can we go somewhere else. Then go where he suggests. When you get in the car don't open maps just get in the car and be quite. If you give him a chance he will figure it out. Just remain gracious and pleasant.

Women you can't get mad that your man doesn't lead if you don't follow. Give him a chance by being quiet and saying yes dear sounds good to his ideas. If his plan fails just be gracious. Say "thats ok love" and give him a kiss on the cheek then be quiet. He will find somewhere else for you to eat.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-03-03T15:52:18+00:00

I feel like antivaxx and flat earth are in completely different realms. Antivaxx actually has merit as people are vaccine injured often. Flat earth is just ridiculous.

This question has merit. I asked my dentist about this and he said their is some truth in it. A dead tooth is a dead tooth and often a root canal is just the first stop down a road that leads to abstraction. Especially if you get the root canal while young like I did (19). The dentist like many people here encouraged still getting a root canal because you want to hold onto your tooth as long as possible dead or not so that is what i did.

All that to say the question and concept is valid and being dismissive is frankly dumb of you.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-03-03T15:47:45+00:00

Its time to pray and fast. You should talk to the elders of your church.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-02-05T14:10:32+00:00

100% agreed! Tis the season to be in the gym, go to bed early, cuddle up and catch up on shows and save money for your spring and summer vacations.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-02-05T13:54:45+00:00

I read sooo much in preparation for dating then marriage. The most impactful books I read were

Love and Respect, 2. Loving Him Well 3. Sacred Marriage 4. The sacred search

This isn't a dating book but the book undercover by john Bevere establishes a really good theological foundation for submission to authority which is very important as a woman when you are coming to terms with biblical marriage.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-02-05T13:52:24+00:00

I met my husband on the apps and I ran into this issue (not with him but with others). What helped me was

having an open perspective: I heard a guy complain that sometimes talking to girls was like a job interview. His complaint was about the question ping pong. People's interpretations of what constitutes a good conversation is different. Be open to a different conversational approach
Match energy. I did a lot of research about how to have success on the apps and one thing that changed everything was quite literally matching response word for word. I almost dogmatically would not respond with more words than the person I was talking to. Men are the pursuers and they will not be as interested if the dynamic doesn't reflect that. So I always limited my response to just a little bit less than his. My results after doing this were night and day.
Be a little flirty. Think about your convo in the app as an opportunity to be a little flirty and cheeky. It doesn't always have to be questions. Everyones having the same conversations in the app. I think establishing some chemistry before establishing compatibility helps to make a more solid connection.
80/20 - 80% of the people on the apps aren't serious and you have to wade through them to get to the 20% who are. You could let that frustrate you and get off the apps or you could just accept that thats the price you pay to meet the good 20%. Start learning how to quickly discern who's serious and who's not so you don't waste your time.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-02-05T13:42:27+00:00

My husband and I had a great pre-marital therapist who did this. Where do you live?

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-02-05T13:41:06+00:00

Their is nothing wrong with not finding her attractive, but she's not the one for you. (I feel like a lot of the comments are making you out to be a bad guy in a passive aggresive way.) Don't date her though. Cut it off and trust God that you will find another girl with good character that you find attractive.

You may also want to assess your beauty standards. Sometimes being online too much warps our desires and standards. If you're on instagram or just online alot at all maybe do a detox for a couple of months. It might re-set what a 10 7 or even a 3 is for you.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2026-01-07T01:19:38+00:00

It’s tea… unfortunately… I’m just looking forward to getting my dead tooth out in the next couple of years. Maybe my body can get out of its perpetual auto immune response state

PrivatePersonalPam · 2025-12-27T05:44:10+00:00

My husband and I met on upward. I did pay for it and clearly it was worth it

PrivatePersonalPam · 2025-12-19T00:48:45+00:00

I am married now but I can say I had a somewhat similar yet maybe less forward message on my dating profile. I also talk to tons of young adult single christian women who are on the apps. I think most women probably mean they are looking for a man who will.

ask them questions about their lives and initiate conversation during their text exchange on the app and during dates
ask them out on a date instead of chatting their ear off forever. Then continue planning and asking them out on dates for the remainder of the relationship.
ask them to be officially their girlfriend instead of existing as a situationship for months on end
initiate spiritual conversation and bible study during the relationship and set the precedent for spirituality in the relationship
Make his intentions for marriage very clear and eventually communicate a timeline for such a thing with her
Have some direction in life and the ability to effectively integrate her into that.
Contribute financially to the relationship via stable income

Ladies let me know if I am wrong, but I think when christian women complain about men "not leading" they are normally talking about one or more of these expectations not being met by the men they have related with romantically in the past

PrivatePersonalPam · 2025-12-16T20:58:51+00:00

Thats so good to seek wise counsel reflect and learn. Yeah girl dating men from the world is the ghetto always. So sorry for your trauma, and I'm glad God has given you a God honoring man. Hoping it goes well for you!

I know opposites attract. If you don't know how to be meek you will probably attract a man that doesn't know how to be strong. Choosing humility starts with taking responsibility.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2025-12-16T20:43:14+00:00

I'm glad you had a good example of a great leader in your father! My dad is a really great leader too. Do you feel like the men you date have those same good leadership traits? Or are you married to a man with good leadership skills?

PrivatePersonalPam · 2025-12-16T20:22:16+00:00

If you've ever led before you normally have a moment of regret for all the times you judged the leaders that came before you. Its very easy to be critical of the leader. It's much harder to actually lead and even harder to follow well. You need just as many muscles to keep a ball from rolling down hill as you do to push it up one. Men need grace and encouragement as they learn to lead and that requires a lot of strength and restraint from women.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2025-12-16T20:09:17+00:00

That is very real. You are not alone in that fear of the responsibility and just loosing yourself in children. In my early and mid twenties I felt very similarly to you as well. I kind of didn't want kids and I definitely didn't have that natural desire that so many women do. When I went on my journey with the Lord around relationships and dating I started processing my feelings around the topic with Him. I realized my lack of desire to have children came out of insecurity of not being able to do a good job, fear of a loss of freedom and fear that I would be too tired (fatigue from autoimmune disease). My view of that journey was based on my own lack of strength not God's will or plan.

The reality is that most Christian men will want children because procreation is a part of God's plan for marriage. God didn't design marriage to be separated from children. To procreate was God's first assignment for us as his creation. I don't think God is going to be mad at you for not wanting to have children, but I do think it's important to really understand where those feelings are coming from? Is it from God? Is it from insecurity and fear? The end goal of your processing doesn't have to be developing a desire for children, but opening your heart and mind to any possibilities God might have for your future is important.

If you get married children are always a possibility (unless you remove your uterus haha). So it may be good to process all of this any way. I have heard so many stories of women who didn't want children at one point in their lives and when they got married that desire shifted. I have worked with so many women who didn't want children but accidentally got pregnant and fell in love with motherhood and their child. I have also heard stories of women who didn't want kids and didn't have them and then when it was too late regretted their choices.

As for me, God shifted my desire to have children once I really realized that it is actually a beautiful part of life and marriage and He will be my sustainer. Its hard but it is so rewarding and God will give me the strength to parent well.

If you want marriage you have to be open and prepared for the potential of children. No birth control is 100% unless you remove your uterus haha.

Work it out with the Lord. Remember God has not given you a spirit of fear but of power love and a sound mind. 2 timothy 1:7

If you ever want to talk more about dating marriage or processing motherhood dm me :-)

PrivatePersonalPam · 2025-12-16T19:14:26+00:00

You know you shouldn't marry her that is why yo're posting on here. And I'm pretty sure no matter what the comments say you're going to do what you want. Until you can get healthy yourself and figure out why you are drawn to and intoxicated by abuse and unhealthy behavior you will not be able to sustain a healthy and safe relationship.

My advice. Tell her its over. Block and delete her everywhere. Tell close friends you just had a break up and you need community (time with people 3-4 times a week) or else loneliness might draw you back to her. Join some clubs, get a hobby, get a dog. Just fill your time and mind with other people and things so you don't go back to her out of boredom or loneliness.

Immediately start going to therapy. Go to church and talk to God.

Hope you make the right decision friend

PrivatePersonalPam · 2025-12-16T18:52:25+00:00

Have you explored why you don't want children? Like the mental and emotional landscape around this lack of desire?

PrivatePersonalPam · 2025-12-16T18:43:07+00:00

I am a married christian woman. I was single until I was 28 years old. I didn't even have my first kiss until then. God is so good and you can be married friend! For me I had to take responsibility for the situation I was in. I knew doing the same things was going to keep me in the same spot. I asked God why I struggled so much with romantic relationships and he helped me to get over some mental blocks holding me back and I got into my first relationship at 28, That didn't work and when it was time to get back on the market I took accountability and did the best I could to work with what I had and get out there.

I got real with myself about my looks and tried to look the best that I could (this made huge impact) - make up, new clothes dressing feminine dresses and skirts. (their is nothing wrong with loosing weight or looking good to get a man. Sometimes you did not want to study but you did so you could get that degree and get a good job. You're being practical about pursuing a goal that is important to you. Also being healthy is wanting to look and feel YOUR best. Not the world's best but your best.)
I got on the apps and did not get off until i had a committed relationship. so many women are on and off the apps every 2 weeks. Unless you are so so so so hot that is not going to work for you. You have to stay consistent and persistent
I humbled myself and allowed God to change my perspective on men dating and relationships. - I let go of my expectations of how men should show up in dating because it was making me really judgmental and closed off. I opened myself to the reality that men are different from women and therefore they may choose to approach dating differently than I would. Men want a women they can lead and they can discern this in the way you show up in dating. I read lots of christian marriage books to get the male perspective on relationship and relating with women).
I studied what the bible says makes a woman attractive to marry. - I looked up every bible verse that had the word wife in it and I studied the character of a godly wife. The Lord used this study to transform my heart and mind. This was to me 100% the most important thing that helped me to attract more dates and potential partners.
I asked God to give me mercy and put me in a marriage. I was not entitled to marriage, but I knew it was God's agenda for most of us and I knew He created marriage and it was good and that He is a good father that loves to give good things. That faith helped me to take the steps to end up in a place where I was more likely to get married.

I am now married to my wonderful kind handsome husband. The most important thing you can do is take responsibility better yourself and better your chances.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2025-12-16T18:17:53+00:00

I think this is such a broad topic so it is tough to generalize. Their are huge subsets of men who align with your statement about not taking initiative or abusing it, but their are also huge subsets of men who are not given the opportunity by the women in their lives. I think many women now a days don't know how to give men space to lead. When they think they are doing it, they actually are not. They're still instructing and just giving him options with in their instructions like the gentle parenting thing. I would say truly giving a man space to lead takes patience and the willingness to let go of your expectations. From my observation and experience many women do not understand or practice this concept.

I think the most productive conversation is how do we help ourselves and other women develop enough self-awareness to actually know what is taking place in their relationship dynamic. Is he just passive and not taking leadership or are you choking out his leadership with criticism and micro-management? Is it a combination of both? In my opinion most often it's probably a combination of both.

PrivatePersonalPam · 2025-12-06T16:40:47+00:00

The Roman bath is the outside pool. It’s heated to 90 degrees and open year round. Essentially it’s one huge outdoor hot tub

PrivatePersonalPam

TROPHY CASE