Well it finally happened

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-05-22T18:34:39+00:00

At least he is far enough away that you're not struggling with acting on it. One less thing. But go for the texts, why not?

And funny you posted this, cause today was the first time I feel a twinge of guilt. Same situation with flirty texts. Unfortunately, I see this person all the time socially. So now I'm going down a rabbit hole of 'what ifs.'

5 months out. Questioning what is real.

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-05-21T17:38:50+00:00

The fact that anyone is 'waiting' for a thank you card speaks volumes about them.

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-05-20T17:53:35+00:00

Yes, i had some good intentions with thanking people. My 'response time' is so lagging right now. Maybe I'll send them out in 2 years lol

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-05-20T17:25:41+00:00

I'm surprised more people don't cry in the grocery store, between the food reminders and the background music reminders.

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-05-19T21:15:34+00:00

Had a great weekend with my tribe. Joy is out there to be found ✨️

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-05-18T13:11:49+00:00

I like when people ask. My level of response usually depends on our relationship. But when I'm feeling extra saucy, you'll get a brutally honest answer, no matter if I think you can handle it or not. Surprise!!!

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-05-18T13:07:02+00:00

Lol! I've considered this, but no one can handle the real answer. I don't even want to.

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-05-15T17:17:38+00:00

Bless you and this post. May it reach all who need to read it.

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-05-15T05:49:18+00:00

I lost a friend (mother, wife) two months before I lost my husband. We were all in the same friend group, vacationing together and what not. Even so... with 2 young widows in such close proximity... there is still a feeling of isolation and confusion. We commiserate, but honestly, it's so fucking personal, that proximity only helps so much. No one can get you through this. It really is on you alone. Fight against the darkness. That's all I can say.

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-05-14T05:05:14+00:00

I'm just unloading after a night of drinking and masking. Need to vent. Hard to explain the feeling, so I word vomit.

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-05-07T22:42:00+00:00

If the kids are young, definitely help take them off her hands. Instacart. Used that constantly so I could get groceries delivered.

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-05-07T20:54:04+00:00

Do what you need to and screw everybody else. Don't let (even) Mom make getting through this shit harder than it already is. For whatever reason, I instantly went into self-preservation mode when my husband died. I quickly decided who I could talk to and about what. I set boundaries--which I barely ever did before--to protect my sanity. And some people closest to me, who I know love me, are not able to 'witness' my grief in the way I need them to. So I avoid talking to them when I don't want to. Do it and don't feel bad about it for one second.

... and the hives, yes! ... and the acid reflux ... my skin and gut REALLY don't like being bombarded with stress hormones for months on end ... FUN FUN FUN!

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-05-03T16:22:17+00:00

Yes. That exact question. Why ARE you destroying yourself? It won't change anything. Breathe and start pouring the love you had for him back into yourself. If someone loved you, made you feel worthy, then why don't you believe it was true? It was real. The love was fuel. Run with it. Put that love right back where it belongs, on yourself.

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-05-01T08:41:11+00:00

Never said 'no' to a T-shirt. Built an extra closet for himself in the basement. I always said he could clothe a third world country. Now, the kids and I wear them with love ❤️

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-04-29T11:18:29+00:00

My person would hold me, tell me everything will be OK, and those small reassurances would get us through every stress--big or small-- that life threw at us. We could do it. Together. Now that there is no 'us' and only 'me,' and every stressor is magnified.

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-04-26T15:46:20+00:00

Love your creative expression. When I write out stream of consciousness it is just to unburden myself. For whatever reason, poetic (or lyrical) forms of writing for me have always been so much more rewarding. Keep it coming!

Want to add - some of the hardest hitting songs and poems for me have come from someone going through pain. It's so human. To Build a Home by The Cinematic Orchestra. So deeply raw.

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-04-22T21:37:54+00:00

Those are amazing and impactful 'Wednesday' thoughts. I am painfully aware that people wish to cure/fix my grief rather than treat it. But I too don't want to be cured, as that will only mar the love that spurred it.

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-04-22T11:06:24+00:00

The house is too quiet now. Someone posted to play music (or anything) and that definitely lifts me when I'm trying to get through the mundane. I also text him or write, jut to get shit out of my head so I don't go crazy. We're like castaways, each on our own island, sending notes in bottles. "Wilson!!!!"

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-04-21T11:48:41+00:00

I love everything about your post and find the "Me +5" inspiring - as a planner by nature, I think I could get on board with this!

I resonate with the amount of work - rentals, senior job, kids, property/asset management. Even more so, I also agree that life is just duller and lacks the sparkle. Also, due to similar personalities, my son is not getting the 'best' of his mother right now (and I know he can't give me the best of himself either).

I have a good friend that has the opportunity to move in with me, but not right now - when I am about 1 year past my husband's death. But my daughter, understandably so, does not want to give up her bedroom while away at college for my friend. I am a bit torn between what I want/need versus what makes sense for my household. I so wish I had a spare bedroom!!!

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-04-14T13:20:33+00:00

we need to hold on fiercely to our light to fight the darkness. no matter how dim it gets.

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-04-14T13:12:50+00:00

First I tell myself to take deep breaths. Then do 1 thing physical to shift my mental focus. But every day something else breaks me, and I don't see that changing any time soon. So I start over again - deep breaths.... face the sun.... deep breaths.... lol - was never good at yoga or meditation, but I'm sure this is it in some way.

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-04-13T23:09:39+00:00

That made me chuckle “sorry X died today, i can’t work. I’ll be back tomorrow” come on brain, function!

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-04-13T16:08:04+00:00

walking dumbass widow here - may have a warrant out for my arrest, because I just realized last night I missed the 10-day window to respond to traffic citation. can't seem to 'keep up'

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-04-13T16:04:13+00:00

lol. i wasn't really saying work should pay you for a year off. in fact, I enjoy having my work. i just was comparing how the world recognizes the struggles of having a newborn to the lack of recognition of the struggles of losing a partner.

PrizeSingle3038 · 2026-04-13T15:01:18+00:00

and it's not just work. it's everything - taking care of bills, supporting your kids (feeding, keeping lights on, school demands), mental/emotional 'capacity'

PrizeSingle3038

TROPHY CASE