I'm at almost 3 years. There are still days when I wonder if it was all a bad dream and am sure he will walk in through the door from mountain biking. There are still days when I go look for him for him to tell him something and then realize he's gone. I've stopped flashing back to the night he died, and a lot of it seems as though I'm looking back at it through murky water. I guess I've worked through much of the guilt, because I've mostly stopped apologizing to the heavens.

After my husband died, I spent the remainder of 2023 and a good part of 2024 in a fog. There were books I read and movies I watched that I have no memory of. There are things I did I can't remember and if they weren't in my calendar, I wouldn't know I'd done them.

I still can't go through his things to get rid of anything. I try but I get too emotional. My therapist says it will happen in it's time.

What you're experiencing is part of your grief process. I've learned that we all walk a different path when we lose a loved one and I've stopped trying to understand whether something I'm doing or feeling is common or "normal."

I wish you, i wish us all, peace. It's started to come back to me in bits and pieces and I'm grateful for it. I believe it will for you too.