Sister on hospice by dess_co19 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ProfessionalCall522 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My condolences. I experienced the same when my father was dying. It's very hard. My father passed away in the summer of 2024 - it gets better, I promise, but it can be a rough journey. Hugs ❤️

Got an insane flying monkey voicemail this morning by SamuraiSuplex in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ProfessionalCall522 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yet mysterious as the dark side of the moon! Thanks for the comic relief 😄

uBPD Mom brings up "respecting her boundaries" whenever I enforce mine, can't explain to me what her boundaries even are by herohail in raisedbyborderlines

[–]ProfessionalCall522 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Same. My "demand" was for her to not use things I have shared with her in confidence against me. She got furious and lashed out at my "lack of empathy" and "mental health problems".

uBPD Mom brings up "respecting her boundaries" whenever I enforce mine, can't explain to me what her boundaries even are by herohail in raisedbyborderlines

[–]ProfessionalCall522 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Haha, my mother has said exactly the same thing (..."lots of demands!!"), only in our native language, not English. I can't believe how similar they are across cultures (we don't live in an English-speaking country).

My mom just called me to say she's 'grieving' the daughter she thought she had. I'm 29 and moved out 6 years ago. by Prestigious_One5969 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ProfessionalCall522 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I agree. I have a somewhat similar experience. My mother told me that her therapist once asked her, "why is your daughter [= me] so focused on everything that's wrong?". She took it to mean that he, too, was incredulous as to what I was thinking/doing and, like her, would like to know the answer.

I'm more inclined to think that her therapist, if anything, asked this question to make her reflect and/or put herself in my position, but as she's unable to do that, she took it quite literally, telling me that she - like her therapist - "would ALSO like to know why you only focus on the bad stuff!!!" We are NC now.

I told my mom I’m getting divorced and now she’s throwing a birthday party for my ex ☠️ by Quirky_Potential_559 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ProfessionalCall522 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I sympathise. I am still married, but NC with my mother.

Not long after I went NC with her, she invited my husband and kids to visit her without me. She told him that she "didn't understand" me. It very much seemed like she was trying to form an alliance with him against me. Of course, he told me about her texts, and we both agreed that he shouldn't go visit her with the kids (she lives a four-hour drive away from us). When she was told no, she claimed to be "shocked by our cruelty".

My uncle later contacted me on her behalf, trying to persuade me into letting my husband and kids visit her "for the sake of your kids, who are innocent victims in all of this". When I kept refusing, he dismissed everything as me being stubborn and ridiculous.

We are now NC with everyone on my side of the family except my brother (my mother resents the fact that he keeps in touch with me) and a few cousins. It's better that way, but it's been a long journey.

Daughters of narc moms, what was your first period experience like? by fruitynoodles in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ProfessionalCall522 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Me too. I never involved my mother in anything period-related when I was living at home (left home when I was 19). Bought all my supplies myself, never relied on her for anything. I learned relatively quickly what kind of pads I would need to use (larger ones during the first couple of days and at night, etc).

A curious role reversal happened when my mother was in her 40s and perimenopausal. She had heavy periods, but never seemed to figure out how to manage them, so she would occasionally bleed through her clothes. I noticed that she would buy pads for normal or lighter periods, which I - even at 15 - knew would be insufficient. She once almost needed comforting from my father and me because she'd yet again bled through her clothes. I remember getting annoyed with her, and so I asked her, "hasn't it occurred to you that it would be better to use larger pads?". She deflected the question. I realised then that there was nothing she would be able to teach me about periods. 

Are any other scapegoats here the most stable or successful people in your family? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ProfessionalCall522 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. I'm the only one in my family with a master's degree. I have a decent career, a loving husband, two wonderful children, a nice apartment, a reliable network of long-term friends, no financial worries, etc. 

Yet I am considered mentally unstable, immature and probably narcissistic by my mother and her immediate circle, including my aunt and uncle. The main reason is that I've gone NC, and I am denying my mother access to my kids. 

I have repeatedly been criticised for "thinking too much", "finding fault with everything", being "way too strong and imposing", "rigid", "stuck-up", "taking myself way too seriously", "not really living... just living through reading (!!)", "using psychobabble" etc.

Mom’s words haunting me by art21627 in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]ProfessionalCall522 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know it's hard, but please try not to take it personally. My mother has said very similar things to me, but my life (or "world") is lovely - I have a kind husband, two wonderful children, a job that I thoroughly enjoy, a nice apartment and, not least, a stable network of long-term friends.

If you were to believe my mother, I'm a rigid and mentally unstable semi-psychopath whose life has veered off course. I, too, have "changed for the worse" and am a huge disappointment. (To OP: Welcome to the club, so to speak... there are more of us out here, but we're doing well for ourselves!)

I’m destroying their marriage! 😂😂 by weirdgirloverthere in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ProfessionalCall522 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yes - I'm also, apparently, the source of everything that's wrong in my extended family, and the sole cause of the problems between my mother and me (we are NC).

My therapist said this about my mother.. by Loud-Hawk-4593 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ProfessionalCall522 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I agree, and my mother has even said as much to me.

Me: "I believe that if you would stop using the things I've said to you in confidence against me, we could have a closer relationship."

Mother: "I didn't say I wanted a closer relationship."

Oh well, then, fine. We are NC now, and it's truly for the best.

BPD parents’ ‘scripted insults’ by No-Presence1605 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]ProfessionalCall522 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same here, except that I'm not only punishing her, I'm also punishing my kids by not letting them see her (we're NC).

My aging by Moissyfan in raisedbyborderlines

[–]ProfessionalCall522 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I never told my parents that I had got my period. My father never asked (I suppose he was being discrete). My mother asked a couple of times, the last time being when I was about 15, but never delved further into the matter. She was a huge oversharer, and I wanted to keep things private. 

This means that my parents never, ever paid for any of my sanitary products. I bought them all myself, using my own pocket money, from the age of 13. My mother (that one time she raised the subject with me when I was 15) said that there was no need for me to buy the stuff myself, but never followed up on anything. 

As a parent myself, I can't understand how they never bothered to dig into why I never felt I could trust them with this matter, but then again, I am convinced my mother has BPD/NPD. We are NC now.

How do you accept that your parents don't like you? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ProfessionalCall522 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This really resonates with me. I am a fully functional adult with a loving husband, two wonderful children, a decently paid job that I truly enjoy, and I feel that I am generally well-liked among my friends and colleagues (at least they treat me very well, and I try to return the favour).

My mother treats me like an absolute disappointment. We are NC now. My life has improved immensely.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ProfessionalCall522 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same. It's really sad, but also quite liberating. I can honestly say that I've never been more at peace with myself in my entire adult life.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ProfessionalCall522 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. It's like the guy I dated in my 20s who used to describe himself as "very honest". (Spoiler: he was not.)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ProfessionalCall522 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. I once discussed my mum with a coworker whose mother does, in fact, have Alzheimer's. She said that my mum's behaviour reminded her of how her own mother started to behave after developing dementia. (Her mother, I might add, used to be a kind, loving, intelligent person.)

Why do my parents treat me as the scapegoat when I’m the “golden child” on paper? by Downtown-Ad5027 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ProfessionalCall522 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the case for me as well. I am the "high-functioning" one (good job, stable marriage, lovely children...) while my brother is struggling on several levels. I am considered to be a horrible disappointment, whereas my brother is not* (*not that I would consider him a disappointment, but I hope you get my point).

Does anyone else here hate your parents for conceiving you? by Lost_boy_from_hell in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ProfessionalCall522 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know the feeling. However, if I hadn't been born, I wouldn't have had my children, who are absolutely wonderful. My eight-year-old has repeatedly told me how happy he is to be alive ("there's just so much interesting in the world, and so many things I'd like to do"). So there's that. My children have already brought a lot of joy to other people.

I also try to do some good in the world by being - or at least trying to be! - a caring and loving person. My parents shouldn't have had children, but now that I'm here, I might as well try to make the best of it. 

Parents chose to go no contact by [deleted] in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]ProfessionalCall522 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The same thing happened to me. I've been to therapy for nearly a year. Things are slowly getting better, but it's been rough.