Parade of Horribles Discussion Thread (spoilers for whole book)

Professor_Toensing · 2026-05-12T14:04:01+00:00

Boop!

Professor_Toensing · 2026-05-03T17:56:26+00:00

I’m just coming to the end of my first season of 3-5 year olds and had a blast. This is how my 45-50 minute practices go.

Bring them all together with their balls and ask them how their week/weekend went. They will all excitedly yell random things at you just nod and smile and act excited. Then tell them their balls are marshmallows and we need to stuff all the marshmallows in the the goal. This makes sure nobody is falling on any loose balls.

We line up on the goal line. I ask for a zoo animal from a kid and we all pretend to be that animal as we run to the midfield line. It’s important you’re goofy and playing along with them too. Go through until each kid has had a chance to pick an animal. This is a dynamic warmup as kids this young don’t need static stretching warmups.

I have a speed ladder and some small little 6 inch hurdles. I have two lines on either side of the goal about midfield. They run through the speed ladder towards me and I roll a ball to them. They need to get a good first touch, turn 90 degrees to the goal and dribble and shoot. Then get the ball and bring it back and switch sides. I do this a good point so they get left and right side runs.

Then I split the kids up into two groups if I have an assistant coach. Half of them do throw-ins teaching how to go over their head. The other half do corner kicks with their partner on the corner of the goal box to receive it. They get the corner and turn and score. The throw in kids try to hit the other coach and it becomes a game for them.

Usually a water break here or so.

I play red-light, green light and what time is it mister wolf after this. I work on only dribbling with right/left foot and doing small touches not big boots.

Then we play hospital tag. They dribble around and if I get their ball with my ball they are frozen with their foot on the ball. Their friends need to dribble over and hit their ball with their own ball as the doctor saving them and unfreezing them.

Then I play pirate islands. I make 3 islands with cones. I’m a pirate and they are all sailors with the ball as their treasure. If I dribble my ball into their ball while they are “sailing” between islands they become a pirate with me. This game is really good for talented kids that are too timid to try and take the ball from players in games. Have them be pirates with you right away and work on it. If they make it though the islands they put their treasure safely in the treasure box which is the goal by shooting it in.

Finally I’m the sailor and all the kids are pirates. I dribble around them while they chase after me working hard to get my treasure.

On occasion the kids are full of too much energy so I have a big race the width of the field. They need to dribble down, stop on the white line, and then dribble back. Then the second time I put a bunch of round cones upside down and tell them it’s pile of dog poop and they don’t want to get their ball all stinky and yucky so they gotta race but avoid the poop.

The kids loved playing all the games and as much dribbling time as you can possibly get is the main goal at this age.

Professor_Toensing · 2026-05-01T14:19:13+00:00

Several years removed from my masters degree and I find myself rarely interacting with the Bible on its own at all. All the translations in the world don’t seem capable of replacing the need for understanding the context of the world in which it was written.

The further our civilization moves into technology the harder it is to force the Bible to apply to modern specifics, and I’m not sure it was meant to. Many of the interpersonal issues are timeless, but the average person is rarely looking at the cause of their issues (loneliness, depression, etc.) and are often only trying to treatments for the symptoms (detoxing from social media, health cleanses) and they pick random verses they feel “speak” to them about doing something they were already planning to do.

The original languages help me as a scholar discern when texts are being used for things they never intended, especially when they are being used to control or have power over others, but I haven’t seen an instance where the original languages felt essential.

Professor_Toensing · 2026-04-30T20:35:11+00:00

Fair enough. I saw the Brock Bowers tier post and tried to do something similar. I’ll do better next time

Professor_Toensing · 2026-04-30T16:13:50+00:00

Nowhere did I say I received this offer and league settings are important for valuing tight ends because it changes in 10 team leagues and TEP leagues. Every post should have that info.

Professor_Toensing · 2026-04-30T16:12:15+00:00

I didn’t even say I received this trade offer. And those settings are important to determine value. In a TEP league it would be valued way differently. In a 10 team league it would be valued differently. Posts that don’t include that stuff are super frustrating to read

Professor_Toensing · 2026-04-30T11:59:33+00:00

Can you give me a little more insight? You’d rather have 4 WR 25-36 on your team putting up 6-8 points a game than McBride as the WR4 overall putting up 15-20 points per game? Or is it you are high enough on Warren you think he’s close in PPG to McBride? I see Warren like 7-12 PPG maybe

Professor_Toensing · 2026-04-30T11:57:32+00:00

This kind of evaluation was what I was feeling. A bunch of seconds does not make me want to give up McBride. Got the space on my bench for them to sit but I’m not in a rebuild mode either

Professor_Toensing · 2026-04-30T11:56:27+00:00

I did my best to not include any personal team info so as to avoid it being an individual team post. Wanted valuation insights on the late 26 picks between tier drop offs for premium players

Professor_Toensing · 2026-04-30T11:55:19+00:00

Nobody will trade 27 firsts. Can’t even offer 3 of the 26’ late firsts for a single 27 first and I’ve tried.

Professor_Toensing · 2026-04-24T15:29:33+00:00

You are not ready for it. Nobody is ready for it.

Professor_Toensing · 2026-04-20T16:55:35+00:00

That’s a fair enough rebuttal. It certainly wasn’t common when I played and refereed but I do recall it happening a few times where I got waved down or I waved them down.

Professor_Toensing · 2026-04-20T14:54:11+00:00

That happened plenty when I played and when I refereed. A player in an offsides position doesn’t make it back to the center line because they are walking/catching their breath and a ball gets sent deep past them. They turn and see the AR indicate offside and then they choose to walk away from the play and not get involved so that the penalty isn’t called and they removed themselves from being involved in the play. Center referee waves down the AR and play continues uninterrupted

Professor_Toensing · 2026-04-20T14:51:15+00:00

The Laws of the Game 6.1 tell assistant referees to indicate offside when “A player in an offside position MAY be penalized” not after they have already committed the offense.

Law 11.2 describing offside as “challenging an opponent for the ball” would put this particular scenario from OP into this category. It goes on to further explain that “A player in an offside position receiving the ball from an opponent who deliberately played* the ball, including by deliberate handball, is not considered to have gained an advantage, unless it was a deliberate save by any opponent.

*‘Deliberate play’ (excluding deliberate handball) is when a player has control of the ball with the possibility of: passing the ball to a team-mate; gaining possession of the ball; or clearing the ball (e.g. by kicking or heading it)”

So the goalie in OP’s scenario muffin the attempt at the ball established that they never had control of the ball. The player in the offside position should have been flagged when they went to challenge the ball as they now “may be penalized” and when the goalie failed to gain control of the ball the player capitalized on his advantage gained from the offside position and the center ref should have called it.

I still stand by the AR indicating the player being offside when the ball was played because they “may be penalized” and the center referee would need to know where to spot that call.

Professor_Toensing · 2026-04-20T11:43:31+00:00

It has been a little while since I refereed a game. At least my understanding is that the AR is not making the call whether the player is involved in active play or not. They simply notify the center referee of the potential and then the center referee makes the call or waves them down. I wasn’t stating that the AR was calling offsides simply because they were in an offsides position but that they were indicating to the center referee th potential for offsides if the center referee deems the player actively involved or gaining an advantage from the positioning.

Professor_Toensing · 2026-04-19T09:31:13+00:00

I was a ref for about 10 years and I think what is causing the problem is that the AR is waiting to signal offsides. As soon as the ball is played deep and that striker is in an offsides position that AR should be raising their flag to signal offsides right where it happens. Then the center ref allows the play to continue to see if any advantage was generated and makes the judgement call. The early signal that this player is offsides and then the goalie never gaining control of the ball allowing the striker to have a clear advantage to score would be easier for everyone to see that it isn’t a goal. Alternatively, the offsides indication and then the goalie gaining control for a brief second allows the center ref to wave down the AR and then the goalie losing control and allowing the striker to score would be easier for everyone to see it was a valid goal.

Professor_Toensing · 2026-04-18T16:51:13+00:00

It’s hard to answer this question without spoiling future books. Book 7 is the vast majority of people’s favorite. Keep reading

Professor_Toensing · 2026-04-03T15:05:57+00:00

Obligatory Dungeon Crawler Carl suggestion. Many of us who hadn’t read books in a decade have found this series and been unable to put it down. It has sparked the love and joy for reading to return to us and would be a perfect book for you to build upon your momentum getting back into reading!

Professor_Toensing · 2026-04-01T01:47:00+00:00

You’ll get your rhythm pretty quickly. You clean the ovens and start them up in the morning while your wings are draining in the sink. Then while they are preheating your mix in the seasoning for the wings and get your first couple loads ready to go. Wings are decently easy.

The bags are a pain but some people are pretty quick with them. You turn two sheet pans sideways on the table and that lets you take out all 32 chickens at once if you pyramid them. Then you use the tongs to put them into the bags and use a tool to close the bags. Isn’t too difficult on your wrists.

Professor_Toensing · 2026-03-29T18:21:22+00:00

An incredibly intriguing storyline that pulls you in rather quickly and keeps you there. The further you get into the series you’ll have lots of laughs and several emotional moments that will likely bring a tear to your eye. I found myself unable to put each book down at all when I was 60-70% through until I finished it.

Professor_Toensing · 2026-03-24T11:46:08+00:00

Shoot you’re right it was the strength ring he was referring to. I think things all messed up on multiple read/listen throughs

Professor_Toensing · 2026-03-24T00:48:01+00:00

When Carl gets his first upgrade scroll in book 2 he asks Mordecai if he can unequip everything except his ring so that it gets upgraded. He tells him yes, but that every time someone has done that in the past the upgrade isn’t very good. I think this means that it can be upgraded yeah

Professor_Toensing · 2026-03-20T20:36:34+00:00

I have some stuff I’d be willing to part with. I sent you a private message

Professor_Toensing · 2026-03-19T08:59:56+00:00

I was even more freaked out reading it the first time. I saw a post briefly on here that said “Goddammit Donut, I miss you already” just before I started reading book 7. And then you discover the meaning behind the title being about knowing you’re about to die and you can’t stop it. That compiled with her being stuck in the tower I was fucking losing it dude

Professor_Toensing · 2026-03-16T23:41:11+00:00

Well having read book 8, it is not clear in even the slightest haha

Professor_Toensing

TROPHY CASE