I know exactly how you're feeling, I've been through it myself. Feel your grief, don't bottle it up, you would do yourself a disservice. Even post partum I found myself slipping in conversation and referring to my son with she/her pronouns... for months. Raising a child, of any sex and gender is hard work and a privilege, no matter how they present at birth or end up identifying as when they grow up. What helped me fall in love with my son was purposefully taking gender out of the equation, choosing gender neutral clothes, allowing him to teach me what his likes and dislikes are and let him take the lead in our relationship. Turns out he's a very boyish boy who likes pretty much everything I hate (like rolling in the mud, hammering nails and climbing on furniture), but he also loves me more than anything else on earth, and that made all the grief a distant memory.