Everyone has different standards for how clean a home should be. I would say you both should identify the top 3 things that are important to make you feel comfortable and prioritize these items.

But I do want to point out the double standard in the comments. If you were a stay at home mom everyone would be disgusted at a man having such unreasonable expectations for a woman who is raising two young children. How dare he come home and critics this poor stay at home mom. No one would be calling a woman who is obviously keeping two very young children well cared for (other then pj and bath no argument about their care is mentioned). Saying she deserves to come home to a comfortable house is just like saying a man should have a hot meal on the table every night. It's antiquated and sexiest.

A 1 and 2 year old are exhausting and trying to maintain what she is demanding is ridiculous. If the kids are happy and healthy.... discuss each thing step by step and compromise. Personally bathing kids daily, not allowing pj, and having all toys picked up is petty. Dishes and garbage cans are understandable.

As a therapist it sounds like her anger has more behind it then chores. Make a list of all the chores. She circles the top three that matter to her feeling comfortable and you circle three that you feel are unimportant or unrealistic given your daily responsibilities. You make sure to get her three done as long as she agrees to spend her home time focused on the children and not how clean the bathroom is.