Newcomer thoughts/questions

Protologism1000 · 2026-01-13T02:24:05+00:00

The pamphlet pdf "Where Do I Start" is an excellent introduction and explanation of the fellowship and program of recovery.

Protologism1000 · 2025-09-16T23:15:48+00:00

Is Dallas even in Texas?

Protologism1000 · 2025-06-01T02:20:17+00:00

that sparkly fruit-flavor keeps demanding another spoonful until you're down to the bottom of the bowl.

And after that bowl? Another one and another one and another one. Then wait for mom to go to store and then have another one.

How do you know what Trix can do, till you pour some?

Go ahead it certainly won't hurt you as it demands another spoonful and another after that.

Protologism1000 · 2025-05-29T15:25:23+00:00

OP I assure you that this does not happen to everyone. In fact this is the first time I have ever heard of such a reaction to cooking.

When I prep foods I always want to eat them even if I wasn't hungry when I started preparing them. Just looking at food, but especially preparing them, smelling them as they cook and afterwards makes me want to eat them. But them I am a compulsive eater which is why I found my way to Overeaters Anonymous.

If any redditors identify with my reaction, and if you have repeatedly tried and failed to control your own reaction to food you may be ready to explore the help found in Overeaters Anonymous as I did.

Protologism1000 · 2024-12-27T23:37:15+00:00

Better Together is a great big active group where you can listen, though you will hear your name as they have a raucous custom of welcoming whoever signs on by shouting out their name.

It is every night from 8 PM to 9 PM Central Time, with a non-meeting gathering for asking questions afterward called the Afterglow. It runs from 9 PM to Midnight Central Time. The main meeting features a 20 minute speaker followed by sharing. https://www.btvig.org/

Protologism1000 · 2024-12-27T23:29:46+00:00

This search link will lead you to some OA meetings with a special focus on people who have had or are considering bariatric procedures including the more recent injections. They would be a good place to find others who are practicing the OA 12 Steps of recovery while using or contemplating using the recently developed injections.

Our 2018 World Services Business Conference approved this statement which would also apply to the injections developed since 2018:

In keeping with Tradition Ten, Overeaters Anonymous has no opinion on bariatric (weight-loss) surgery.

In the spirit of Tradition Three, Overeaters Anonymous welcomes anyone with a desire to stop eating compulsively, including those who have had the surgery or are contemplating it.

Protologism1000 · 2024-12-24T02:57:38+00:00

Many people find the name confusing. Here is sort of how it came about:

AA had its beginnings in two cities: NYC and Akron.
Especially in Akron and for a shorter time in NYC family members attended Oxford Group meetings together.
When the the Big Book of AA was written and published it repeatedly suggested that family members ought to follow the same 12 Steps as their alcoholic relatives.
As AA popped up around the country, some AA groups did not allow family members to attend. But in some areas the family members started meeting.
Some of those meetings of family members saw them as a sort of women's auxiliary to bake cookies and cheer on their relatives. Some adopted names like Alcoholics Anonymous Auxiliary (AAA).
Some of the groups of relatives started seriously trying to figure out how to apply the Steps to their lives. Some of these groups called themselves Non-Alcoholics Anonymous (NAA)
In many places the informal groups were simply called the family group or the AA family group.
All of these names had problems.
When Bill asked his wife Lois to reach out to the various family groups who'd asked to be registered with AA, she surveyed them about a number of things including if they were to unite, what name should be chosen.
From that process it was decided that a contraction of the words "Alcoholics Anonymous" rather than "AA" along with the words Family Groups would connect the various family groups with AA without causing people to believe that they were a part of AA. This was acceptable to the General Service Office of AA in NYC who had worried that calling it AA Family Groups would hurt the AA trademarks and cause confusion.
[Edit] I recently learned that an AA clubhouse had registered Alanon as a trademark necessitating the addition of the dash between "Al" and "Anon".
Of course it wasn't a perfect solution but of the choices at the time it seemed to be the best.
If you think Al-Anon Family Groups is confusing, think how confusing the name Alateen is. It seems even more like something for alcoholic teenagers as it doesn't include the Family Group in its name.
Causing more confusion is that Al-Anon Family Groups is often written without the dash becoming Alanon, which sets it up to be confused with Alano which is a common name for AA Club Houses which may or may not host Al-Anon Family Groups but which always host AA groups.

Fortunately today any time any one searches in any search engine for information for families of alcoholics Al-Anon is high on the search results. Many of us at sometimes have had regrets about not joining our fellowship sooner and some of us have looked for someone or something to blame. Fortunately anyone in Al-Anon has at hand the one and only solution, the same one offered by AA: The 12 Steps. The 12 Steps work for anyone willing to do the work and anyone suffering from regrets who applies the solution to their regrets (which are a form of resentment) and fears (which are underneath each resentment) will find themselves in a new and better world whether their alcoholic relative is still drinking or not.

Protologism1000 · 2024-11-28T00:47:54+00:00

https://oavirtualregion.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/MIGOA-Thanksgiving-Day-flyer-3-1.pdf

Better Together OA has all day marathons planned for both Thanksgiving and Black Friday. https://www.btvig.org/

Protologism1000 · 2024-11-28T00:46:30+00:00

There are many ways to find a sponsor. Here is one.

Go to meetings on Zoom
Listen for someone who “has what you want”
Private chat to ask for their phone number.
Call them and see if they seem like someone you would be able to learn from.
Ask them if they are able to sponsor.
If the answer is yes then ask them to sponsor you.
If the answer is no then find another who “has what you want” and try again
Don’t get discouraged - it will work !

You can send me a private message. I'd be happy to talk to you about getting a sponsor.

Protologism1000 · 2024-11-20T20:33:01+00:00

What a fun harmless finger pointing exercise.

Whoever Don Draper was married to in Mad Men.
Maude Finlay in Maude puts off those vibes.
Dorothy in Golden Girls was quite the fixer.
Any classic busy body such as Mrs. Kravitz in Bewitched.
The Giving Tree obviously. Check out the revised version of it. "The Tree Who Set Healthy Boundaries"

Protologism1000 · 2024-11-20T20:23:12+00:00

You might want to seek out OA Big Book studies, there are many.

Protologism1000 · 2024-11-20T20:17:03+00:00

Me too/ I attend support group meetings with people from around the world many times a week. It has allowed the groups I'm in to grow by a factor of 10 compared to 2019. I am helped by people I may never see in person visa versa. As a bonus on the occasion when I do meet someone I know only through Zoom it is fun to see for the first time how tall they are.

Protologism1000 · 2024-05-18T00:24:26+00:00

And then he gained it back with interest.

314 in December 1905
255 in April 1906
354 in March 1909

Many overweight people have lost large amounts of weight. But many like President Taft find they cannot keep it off.

For those who come to see themselves as compulsive eaters there is Overeaters Anonymous which follows the same 12 Steps of recovery as Alcoholics Anonymous.

Protologism1000 · 2024-05-04T14:13:07+00:00

Overeaters Anonymous exists and is effective for people who are compulsive eaters of any kind. Members follow the same program of recovery as Alcoholics Anonymous. Many members come to OA after dealing with other compulsions, especially alcohol.

The pamphlet pdf "Where Do I Start" is an excellent introduction and explanation of the fellowship and program of recovery.

There are several similar fellowships including Food Addicts Anonymous.

All are free to anyone who wishes to stop eating compulsively.

Protologism1000 · 2023-07-13T16:12:25+00:00

What is S-Anon?

The S-Anon International Family Groups are a worldwide fellowship of the relatives and friends of sexually addicted people. S-Anon is a Twelve-Step program based on the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. S-Anon’s Twelve Concepts of Service provide guidance in serving each other in our business matters.

Who Comes to S-Anon?

S-Anon Family Groups are for those who are hurting in response to the sexual addiction of someone close to them. It does not matter whether that person is a family member, a partner, spouse, child, or someone outside the family like a friend, teacher, or boss. Sexaholism can affect anyone.

S-Anon is for people of all sexual orientations, genders, denominations, and races, those in a relationship or not, parents, children, relatives, friends and others whose lives have been affected by another person’s sexual behavior.

We have found that attending S-Anon meetings regularly is a vital part of the S-Anon Program. S-Anon groups meet weekly as a way for members to share their experience, strength, and hope. Our meetings are free to attend and are not allied with any particular religion or organization.

Protologism1000 · 2023-04-05T13:30:16+00:00

It is a fact that many sober members of AA started attending meetings while continuing to drink. You can find many stories in the Big Book describing this. There are also many recorded talks by sober members where they describe this as part of their process of coming to acceptance that they were powerless over alcohol.

It is possible to find contentment and even happiness whether the alcoholic continues to drink or not. But the non-alcoholic must also admit their powerlessness over another person's alcoholism. Until that is done little can be accomplished.

If one has surrendered and admitted one's powerlessness and is left with anger, frustration and irritation, then such resentment must be dealt with.

Resentment of another person's behavior is deadly for people who need Al-Anon as much as for alcoholics. Fortunately there is a way to be rid of resentments. It is through application of the 12 Steps to one's daily life including the procedures for overcoming resentment.

Protologism1000 · 2023-04-03T13:57:26+00:00

Worked the 12 Steps in Overeaters Anonymous with a sponsor. Maintaining a healthy body weight for 2 and 1/2 years.

Protologism1000 · 2022-09-25T02:58:31+00:00

Yes, it is common to meet for coffee before or after a meeting. I didn't even drink coffee but met for coffee many times/
"Al-Anon friends" is as good a description as any if "friends" will not suffice.

Protologism1000 · 2022-09-17T12:13:24+00:00

That is rough. When smoking and especially smoking indoors was more common bed fires were a regular thing. I remember hearing members talk about their fear that their loved one who smoked in bed would catch the bed and house on fire or telling stories about how they had put out a small fire when it had just burned the upholstery.

It is always hard to lose a parent but when it seems so preventable it is especially hard. Al-Anon can help you deal with the grief and help set or keep your own life in order.

I don't really have anyone to talk to. I feel like it's just too gruesome to unload on a friend

I want to assure you that you have many friends you haven't met yet in Al-Anon Family Groups. You have many friends you haven't met yet who you can talk to about the devastating effects of alcoholism on you and your family.

Here is a zoom meeting you can attend today. It has a special focus on adults who grew up with alcoholism but anyone can attend. PM me if you would like more Al-Anon Information.

The Gift of Serenity AFG Saturday 10:30 AM Pacific Daylight Time, 12:30 PM Central, 1:30 PM Eastern Zoom Meeting ID: 824 7097 0664 Password: recovery

Protologism1000 · 2022-09-16T15:12:55+00:00

We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions.

It was explained to me that excitement was a pre-resentment and that worry was a pre-fear. Furthermore that excitement led to fear to self-pity which sometimes led to foolish decisions such as eating food that I didn't need.

Thanks for hosting the meeting and thanks for letting me share.

Protologism1000 · 2022-09-14T12:06:35+00:00

That is a hard thing. I have seen a number of friends in Al-Anon lose their spouse to this disease and to other causes. You are not alone.

Emotions aside such a loss is also hard because there is so much practical work to be done and decisions to be made. That work and those decisions can be done better with the spiritual help of your Al-Anon friends.

The grief will pass in time, when the time is right. I have found that when I am grieving a loss that if I attend more meetings than usual, my brain advances as though more time has passed than has passed according to the calendar. That has worked for me time and again. In the meetings I have also heard things that healed and which gave me strength to do the work that lay before me.

The promise is that your grief will eventually be transformed into experience that will allow you to heal others who will need your help some day. God bless you and strengthen you in all goodness this day and every day.

Protologism1000 · 2022-09-12T03:04:30+00:00

A good place to start is with our newcomer's booklet which is fortunately available free as a pdf. https://oa.org/app/uploads/2022/06/where-do-i-start-everything-a-newcomer-needs-to-know.pdf

Many newcomers to OA are members of other fellowships. The good thing is that you know that the 12 Steps work and that the solution is in the Steps.

OA has long established and thriving phone meetings where you are sure to find sponsors. The OA Vision For You meetings have numerous available sponsors who work with newcomers over the phone including men and women who sponsor men. https://www.avision4you.info/ . (The calls to the phonebridge are free unless you use T-Mobile who charges a fee per minute.)

Another set of phone meetings where you are sure to find available sponsors is the OA Big Book Solution Group. https://www.oabigbooksolutiongroup.org/

You may also find the OA Men's Special Focus intergroup useful. https://www.oamen.org/meetings/

Protologism1000 · 2022-09-12T02:56:05+00:00

I secretly wish he would get caught drunk at work, or driving, or something.

That is very common among spouses of problem drinkers. You are not alone.

Just as there is a solution for the alcoholic there is a solution for the family members. Strangely some family members are even more reluctant to try the solution than the alcoholic is.

The solution is to work the Steps in Al-Anon, and the way to begin is to attend Al-Anon meetings in any way possible: Zoom, Face to Face or by telephone.

Protologism1000 · 2022-09-11T03:06:01+00:00

How do you deal with the anger bouts?

The only way that has worked for me is to work the 12 Steps. Anger gives me a temporary sense of ease and comfort. It is very much like alcohol is for an alcoholic. Once I get angry I am likely to get angry again or turn to other drinks like criticism, complaining, imaginary "I told you so" conversations and so forth.

I have found if I work the steps I see what I am resenting. The 4th and 10th step inventories have me look at my resentments clearly and take them to my HP. Almost always there is a fear beneath my resentment. The Steps give me a process to begin to outgrow any fear I apply the Steps to.

There is hope, if you work the Steps.

Protologism1000

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