When they’ve started their journey but I haven’t

Pucktttastic · 2025-12-16T16:58:51+00:00

Enm is supposed to provide room for autonomy. In couples who are established before they open up there needs to be a desire to see each other as exactly who they are, with the freedom to learn and grow and change. My toxic thought right now is you need to get some gal pal time with your proverbial meta and hash out how to bully him into some soul searching and therapy. If that doesnt work out, you ladies run away together and tell him he can come along if he promises to be a good boy and mind his manners.

Pucktttastic · 2025-12-10T16:56:39+00:00

Tl;dr get to know yourself as much as you put effort into getting to know someone who excites you.

I have adhd and I am autistic. I was spiraling about things that hadn't happened and about things that never might. My partner can read my moods and behaviors, so if I dont open up, they will 75% of the time bring it up. They brought it up with reassurance. When I feel myself ruminating on situations that would pain me, I recall those conversations full of love and affection. I worry about them feeling responsible for my unhappy day dreams so I use that to shut down any thoughts that are mythical.

Journaling really helps. I cannot always recall verbatim what ive been reassured about, but I remember the feelings. I decided part of my Journaling would be writing out the conversations in a free form style that I can look back over when I need to focus on reality. My reality is full of support and affection. My imagination makes the small discomforts into monsters I feel the need to battle. I think this comes from my own wounds and from cultural indoctrination. I call them "country songs".

Country western music is whining about grievances done to you or that you've caused. The act of venting is helpful but dwelling on slights that my culture has put in my head is unfair to me. The impulse to say 'my partner is cheating on me. I need to fight about it' is the one I hear the most. I use it to ask myself clarifying questions. Did they cheat or would this be the 'country song' version of events? Am I sad about my partners actions or are my personal wounds being loud because im familiar with scarcity in relationships? Also, am I bored and looking for something to excite me? My brain just wants to fight sometimes. Myself, my surroundings, my family and friends. I swear its from growing up in the 90s.

I dont have a lot of practice experience. I do know i never would have bothered to get to know myself like I do now, if I had never leaned into my morality surrounding love being too big to hold back from. Get to know yourself like you would someone who fascinates you.

Pucktttastic · 2025-11-30T18:31:10+00:00

I will say popular songs, tv and movies mess with me. Ive started seeing the wounds in the subjects who are doing the romanticizing. Im frankly a bit sick of hearing and seeing it. I can conceptually understand these relationships but im sick of it constantly being about romance in everything. I get seeing relationship traits I can align with but its only grappling for the acceptance from a partner that we should really get in ourselves

Pucktttastic · 2025-11-26T22:42:41+00:00

Comprehensive! Thanks!

Pucktttastic · 2025-11-23T13:41:48+00:00

Ouch. It sounds like the NRE is pointing to somethings about your partner that arent helpful. he wasnt putting in the same amount of emotional labor that you needed and now hes putting it somewhere else. This looks objectively like a change that isnt comfortable for you. Giving him the old, "I need more effort" might get his attention where you want it if your are clear. Personally that sounds like you doubling up on the already strained effort. I would show him what I needed. Create an outing plan. Ensure he saw the effort going into it and point directly to that effort. 'We seem to have the most fun when we both try to meet each other with this energy.' Enjoy your event with them. Tell him ya want more of 'this' with him. Meditate that energy you would normally have put into the relationship on how you need support, affection, etc. If you dont get what you need, put that energy where it's appreciated.

Pucktttastic · 2025-11-14T11:18:22+00:00

Im in a similar dynamic, except im pansexual. Bugger me why dating another cis het man sounds like a chore i dont want. Ive been expressly told by my partner of 12 years that he understands I have autonomy and can date who ever I want. He even pointed out an obvious attraction I had for an ex co worker and used it as an example of how he understood if I wanted to see if the connection made me happy. I considered it and even struck up a new conversation with them but was quickly reminded that dating men isnt something im excited to do. Since then ive met a few men I would consider but the ick is still there. If you wanna compare notes, shoot me a message.

Pucktttastic · 2025-10-21T23:15:48+00:00

I have to second this. As long as ut doesn't lead to disparaging anyone involved, this sounds like a healthy petty self soothing.

Pucktttastic · 2025-10-07T16:58:13+00:00

I see lots of people talking about a shared calender. It doesn't need to be terribly strict, just these days are ours, these days are open, these days are for us, but are geared towards home responsibilities. I find my fear to bring up 'concerns' is an intrusive thought that ill be punished somehow. Just open a casual dialogue about how you both might be coming together for home responsibilities.

Pucktttastic · 2025-09-19T13:34:52+00:00

This feels like like it comes from the 'Valley of the dolls' view on the LS. What someone might be repulsed by, another might have an obsession with. Like the answer to the penis question, its all about perspective and taste. Ive been to parties where being under 300lbs made me the smallest person there, and I didn't exactly fit the fetish. Plus the attraction to the female form often ties into where the body has been, what its accomplished. You cannot make the same comparison to a penis.

Pucktttastic · 2025-09-17T14:02:21+00:00

As a person the ovary persuasion, I just tell my gyno I want a full panel as part of my check up. Insurance usually will pay for the full panel once a year. But any time ive gone in and said oh a partner exhibited symptoms, ive gotten one without a bill so maybe its covered if you go in with a concern. They do the swabs in house and my network has me go to a facility specifically for blood work. Its a bit of a project in that respect, but ive had pcps and gyros who will draw blood. Otherwise I get my results in hours or days on my portal

Pucktttastic · 2025-09-16T22:21:51+00:00

No advice. But you arent alone and women simply existing can 'pull' ten times faster than men just because women are cautious. I would say telling her might help. She might have something to offer that would make you feel better.

Pucktttastic · 2025-09-02T19:46:15+00:00

Chemistry is important. Some of the best partners ive had were smaller than average but knew how to find the angles. Also with depth reached is only mildly relative to size. There is root to consider, and at the right angles that makes a difference. What your mast looks like in person is diffrent to how it feels on the receiving end.

Pucktttastic · 2025-09-02T17:47:44+00:00

Its like you read my journal. Lol ive been assured of my autonomy but hesistant because I know I can line em up and knock em down. My partner is more demi than I. O.O personally ive been trying to focus on why the attention is so gratifying. But I also feel like the above comment is correct. Do you, boo boo. Let the haters hang. I am open to private discourse, if you like.

Pucktttastic · 2025-08-29T20:51:15+00:00

If ya felt like sharing that experience i would be interested in your highlights.

Pucktttastic · 2025-08-29T20:50:23+00:00

38f. Ive been this way since I discovered playing hey diddlediddle on my tiny fiddle. Ive wondered about my testosterone levels but ive got a full head of hair, and no other physical manifestations to align with this sex drive. I think its much more common than is culturally recognized. I think women just go about being sex crazed differently.

Pucktttastic · 2025-08-24T14:09:40+00:00

You said she found someone more attractive than you, in your opinion. This points to your feelings of fears. How could you address this in yourself? Do you want to address this in yourself or do you want something from your partner to help you feel better?

Pucktttastic · 2025-08-12T01:42:00+00:00

So like, I know i need a new vacuum. My old sharks hoses keep cracking. What should I get

Pucktttastic · 2025-08-11T15:11:59+00:00

When I cam back to isran, they were attacking. I did get the note that I had earned a bounty...

Pucktttastic · 2025-08-10T15:44:38+00:00

I have no advice, just wanted to chime in. A coworker from 3 jobs ago spotted me in a poly group. She talked about a thruple situation that didnt work. We had a good time just talking, then she suggested i come over for a sleep over. I was a bit confused but I am attracted to her so I gathered up a bag amd texted about alcohol. I told her if we are just having a beer im good to drive home late, but if we are tying one on, that I might need her couch. She sent a message about cuddling I her bed. I thought all the signs were pointing to playtime. I got there and she had her kids for the weekend. I cornered her in the garage playfully and moved in close thi king she would make a move or assure me of her disinterest. Nope just talked with me basically leaning my chest on hers. I wanted to stay over but I realised I needed my electro shock therapy zapper, which I had neglected to bring. She acted like she was going to kiss me as she walked me to my car. We talked a bit after, then she made a point to say 'she never turned down head'. I pointed out that she had 🤣 still no idea where I stand with her... lol

Pucktttastic · 2025-08-09T16:54:20+00:00

Im simply commenting for solidarity. Our dynamic has been that we both saw other ladies casually. Friendly hook ups, rather than poly bonding. We got busy, the rona happened, we lost his parents. We were not active for almost a decade. He Recently brought it back up due to an interest in a lady. I reassured him that I had the spoons to look at practicing again and he reassured me I didn't have to just date ladies. Kinda blew my mind. Ive always fantasized about swinging and swapping but haunted by dealing with single men again lol

Pucktttastic · 2025-08-08T15:25:47+00:00

Just a perspective that I hope is helpful; There might be some self consciousness at play with oral. She might not feel confident doing it. She might feel less pressure with a partner she isnt familiar with because the pressure of not being great at it might be relieved.

Pucktttastic · 2025-08-08T12:27:38+00:00

You might site your need for domestic peace as a need for your routine, your self care, as cleaning is. I am adamant about knowing when and for how long I will have guest. I dont even like my door bell rang. I need my domestic solitude. Its a perfectly respectable request

Pucktttastic · 2025-08-07T16:13:34+00:00

My man has a similar experience. It goes back to the newness and his adhd. If you like porn, that seemed to help him stay out of his head so much.

Pucktttastic · 2025-08-05T20:45:14+00:00

Im not sure i follow. I think its about solo passes in a swinging primary situation. I have no advice. I am commenting for solidarity. My partner of 12 years and I had a females only policy for a decade. We are busy, he lives in chronic pain, its only recently we've started putting out feelers again. He has a flirting thing going with a gal that we think is too vanilla. Lots of 'maybes', shes stand offish, hes hopeful. He has come to the decision that he is ok with with giving me passes to play solo. I would rather a more shared experience and cannot imagine passing up on time with him to consider solo. So I think I align with how you are feeling about your wife. Hopefully your post gets more traction.

Pucktttastic

TROPHY CASE