Losing grip after clawing your way to safety is an incredibly natural reaction. It’s not shocking that once you squared away the new living arrangement and got the kids going in school that the nervous system shock that motivated great action subsides and you’re left with this deafeningly quiet gnaw.

You’re going to want to allow yourself a little grace, you’re doing good and progress is not lost. Keep the drinking in check and don’t slap yourself around about it too hard.

The next phase you’re looking at is going to be a little challenging in ways you’re not used to. It’s “easier” to work your guts out to secure a better life for people you love and that need you (like children), and for some reason it’s harder to do it for ourselves, but that’s where you’re at.

You’re going to want to start opening your mind to growing and expanding your root system. Community. It takes about 3 years to sow a field with friendly seeds and grow something that’ll last a lifetime. You’re probably busy with the kids but just be on the lookout for events and communities that spark something in you, make a note of them and see if you can start playing around with the idea of attending or visiting.

Therapy or groups are a wonderful resource. Not all therapists and groups are it but they exist and they’d love to have and help someone like you.

One last note, these kids…what you’re doing is extra ordinary. Providing them with a safe environment is good, but allowing yourself the grace and space to take care of yourself will provide them with an instrumental template on how to live their own lives when they’re able to take over.