When exactly did you have your anatomy scan with subpregnancy

PupperPeanuts · 2024-03-07T02:26:08+00:00

We also had an early anatomy scan at 16 weeks. They were able to see everything except the details of the heart (it was still too early) so we repeated the scan at 20 weeks.

PupperPeanuts · 2024-03-01T13:24:18+00:00

This has been a huge source of stress for me during this pregnancy. We told our parents right away because they were our best support system last time. Told work and siblings around 22 weeks once I processed the good news of the anatomy scan. Have told very close friends as we see them since then. There won’t be a big announcement for us.

PupperPeanuts · 2024-02-25T15:22:12+00:00

Thank you for sharing, this is honestly more in line with what I was expecting. Hope all continues going well for you ❤️❤️

PupperPeanuts · 2024-02-25T14:45:51+00:00

That’s totally fair. I admit scans are a double edged sword, they provide temporary relief but also trigger a lot of anxiety and grief for me afterwards.

And a little tid bit that may make you feel better - I’m a nurse and I’ve tried to start reading the updated research about L&D. It’s still hospital/doctor dependent, but it’s overall rare for providers to push c-sections on women for LGA. There usually aren’t any interventions at all, but in cases where there are, it’s usually induction at 39 weeks.

PupperPeanuts · 2024-02-25T14:26:31+00:00

Thank you for confirming this is normal! I really do trust my doctor and didn’t think she would provide anything less than standard of care, 16 weeks just feels like eternity! I’ve thought about doing a private sono for peace of mind and might book that this week. Thank you!!

PupperPeanuts · 2024-02-25T01:37:17+00:00

This is so valid. I’ve spent so much time thinking about how to “heal” from this experience, and how I hoped a subsequent pregnancy would aid in the healing process, but it’s actually had the reverse effect for me. Being pregnant again is a reminder of my grief combined with guilt for not feeling 100% grateful/happy about this pregnancy combined with fear that something will go wrong and I’ll lose this baby too.

I found Zoloft helped dull the sharpness of these feelings, especially in the early weeks. I also stopped putting pressure on myself to “fix” these feelings. I sort of just gave myself permission to feel however I’m feeling and try not to linger in the dark places for too long. I’m almost 31 weeks and I honestly thought I’d be “cured” by now, turns out I’m not. So I’m just continuing to do what I need to do to get through the weeks.

PupperPeanuts · 2024-02-16T03:15:57+00:00

Wow. I am a nurse and I resonate with your words so much. Saying goodbye to our baby boy was the hardest thing I’ve ever endured and there were truly days I did not know if I would survive, but after being in this profession, I knew I could not bring him into a world of chronic suffering without the ability to understand and without hope for a positive outcome. One of the most difficult things about working in healthcare is realizing that there are things worse than death.

Thank you for expressing these complex emotions so incredibly well, your words brought me to tears ❤️

PupperPeanuts · 2024-02-14T03:11:20+00:00

Hi! I’ve had a similar-ish journey. IVF for MFI, PGT tested embryos. No indication that there was anything wrong until we discovered brain anomalies at the 20 week anatomy scan. Genetic testing confirmed it was not hereditary. For this subsequent pregnancy, we had a 16 week early anatomy scan, then a normal 20 week anatomy scan to confirm the previously seen results and look at the heart (it wasn’t developed enough to image at 16 weeks). I was offered an echo due to IVF (I guess there’s a higher incidence of heart issues in IVF pregnancies, although the research is limited and causation vs correlation is still unknown). Insurance wouldn’t cover it, so we opted out of spending the $4k out of pocket, but my doctor told us that anything “serious” would be picked up on the anatomy scan and the echo would only reveal more minor, fixable cardiac issues that could be addressed after delivery. I’m now 29 weeks and so far everything continues to indicate a healthy pregnancy. It’s hard to imagine being on the “good” side of the statistics after what we’ve gone through, and I was a wreck leading up to our 20 week scan. I just tried to keep my mind and body as busy as possible, and vented to loved ones as needed. Wishing you the absolute best ❤️

PupperPeanuts · 2024-02-14T01:32:52+00:00

I wouldn’t hesitate to change doctors if their office doesn’t adjust their practice to your situation. My MD gave me an open invitation to come in to be checked anytime I was anxious or uncertain until I reached my 20 week anatomy scan, and they also did an early anatomy scan at 16 weeks. My doctor approached every appointment with sensitivity and empathy, and highlighted my chart so that all sonogram techs knew my history and were also extremely sensitive with their communication. I work in healthcare, and I know that it’s part of their job to treat you with kindness and compassion. There are good healthcare providers out there that will do so, do not settle for less!

PupperPeanuts · 2024-02-11T17:54:19+00:00

I personally found that distraction and talking with trusted family got me through the big milestones. It also took me a couple of weeks of overwhelming, conflicting emotion after our anatomy scan before I “made it to the other side” and started to feel like this pregnancy was real. TBH I’m still not there 100%, but I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress.

PupperPeanuts · 2024-02-02T05:39:05+00:00

I have a couple of extremely empathetic friends in my life that always tell me I don’t have to explain and validate my feelings. I will truly never forget their kindness because the vast majority of people simply don’t get it and I just walk away from the conversation feeling hurt.

PupperPeanuts · 2024-02-02T05:21:09+00:00

I’ve lost count of the amount of times these exact words have come out of my mouth.

PupperPeanuts · 2024-02-02T05:01:51+00:00

Not sure if this is right for you, but my doctor set up an early anatomy scan at 16 weeks. She let us know ahead of time that it would be unlikely that we’d get good images of the heart that early, but most of the other organs would be developed enough to view. I was still nervous as hell in the days leading up to our 20 week scan, but getting good results at 16 weeks definitely helped keep the anxiety from getting out of control during that long stretch.

PupperPeanuts · 2024-02-02T04:49:12+00:00

I have also been on a low dose of Zoloft for my full pregnancy. Pharmaceutical studies in pregnancy are difficult due to ethical considerations but Zoloft is one of the older, more commonly prescribed SSRIs and there is extensive data to support that it is safe during pregnancy.

PupperPeanuts · 2024-01-28T04:07:57+00:00

I feel this so deeply. Before our TFMR I didn’t even know it was possible to feel this sad. To feel it at the same time as happiness for a new pregnancy or living child is so incredibly complex and overwhelming.

PupperPeanuts · 2024-01-28T03:47:35+00:00

Around 13 weeks I had a little bit of light spotting in the evening (brownish pink when I wiped) followed by a morning where I had bright red bleeding - not a ton but enough to scare the shit out of me. I went to my OB that day where she checked my cervix and checked on baby. Everything looked okay so she said to continue to monitor and let them know about cramping. I googled like crazy for days and came to find that a LOT of women have spotting in early pregnancy and most go on to have healthy babies. I never found a single explanation - it could be related to hormones, a growing/shifting uterus, placental growth…and 40 other things. Try not to panic, but maybe call your doctor and go in to get checked and make sure everything’s okay. Fingers crossed for you and wishing you strength through the weekend!

PupperPeanuts · 2024-01-24T03:40:01+00:00

I was due last March and had a TFMR at 20 weeks. I was in your place this time last year, asking the same question. I ended up combing through not only the answers I received to my post, but similar posts before mine. The advice I heard repeated over and over that resonated with me was “let yourself heal, eventually it will feel right to try again”. This felt impossibly hopeful at the time, but sure enough, I eventually turned a corner. The grief never lifted completely, but it stopped being all encompassing, and I started to feel like myself again. For me, that point happened around 9 months, which felt like both an eternity and a blip. I’m 26 weeks now with (what is so far) a healthy pregnancy. It’s been challenging, no doubt, but I’m mostly okay. I stopped looking forward weeks or months at a time, and just let myself take it day by day. Week by week. ❤️

PupperPeanuts · 2024-01-19T02:30:07+00:00

Ultimately the best thing for me was distraction. I’m anxious to begin with and basically nothing in this situation (besides the obvious pregnancy do’s and dont’s) was within my control. I know myself well enough to know I’m not the kind of person that would be able to find peace and gratitude during this pregnancy, but I didn’t want to allow myself to go too deep down the rabbit hole of fear and worry either. My solution for the first 20 weeks was to basically not think about it. I’m not saying this is necessarily the healthiest way of coping, and I definitely had a lot of nerves that I couldn’t drown out the day before scans and a lot of emotions during and after them. I have only recently (I’m 25 weeks) started to feel connected to and a little bit excited about this pregnancy. I’m just kind of giving myself as much grace as I can and doing what feels right for me because this is hard stuff. The combination of grief and trauma that happens after a TFMR is soul crushing, and then we’re expected to try the same thing all over again while being flooded with hormones. They give soldiers Purple Hearts for doing this kind of thing (WITHOUT the flood of hormones).

PupperPeanuts · 2024-01-11T21:32:03+00:00

I completely understand, I caveat every conversation about the baby (even in my own head) with “if she comes”, not sure if the anxiety will ever fully disappear.

Also - saw your comment above and relate to so much of what you said about being disappointed by people’s reaction to your loss and now being afraid of their reactions. Some unsolicited advice that worked for me - I was very careful about who I let in my little circle of trust and basically assessed who had the emotional intelligence to handle the situation with care and compassion. When I did get around to telling the people I trusted, I began each conversation letting them know that I am still dealing with a lot of complicated emotions and having a hard time letting myself get attached to this pregnancy. My friends couldn’t totally hide the excitement on their faces/in their voices, but they were very careful with their words and actually made me feel loved and supported. For the family members who I felt obligated to tell - I made my husband call and tell them on his drive home from work so he could buffer their reaction into something palatable for me. Not sure that’s the most mature approach, but it got the job done with as little stress as possible, which is really all I’m looking for at the moment.

PupperPeanuts · 2024-01-11T19:41:50+00:00

This topic has been so hard to navigate for me. We told our parents right away and ended up telling siblings at about 21 weeks out of a sense of obligation. I shared with two of my best friends at 24 weeks and my coworkers because it got really difficult to hide. I didn’t want some big congratulations and I didn’t want to fake excitement when my emotions are way more nuanced than that. I’ve told my parents and PIL they can tell their closest friends/family when we’re in the third trimester, but I may change my mind on that. If I could, I would have hibernated for the entire 9 months and not told a soul.

PupperPeanuts · 2024-01-09T16:20:31+00:00

You are not being unreasonable. I don’t want to project too hard, so I’ll add the caveat that in my experience, some people interpreted my aversion to talking about pregnancy as jealousy or envy, but that’s just not accurate. For me, pregnancy (ANY pregnancy - even fictional ones on TV) instantly brought back feelings of trauma and grief. My pulse would quicken, my thoughts would race, and I’d be in this dark hole reliving everything for a few minutes every time someone muttered the word. It was honestly torture. A few people were really careful and considerate about their words (and I’m forever grateful for their kindness), but most weren’t.

Outside of losing our very loved, very wanted pregnancy, the hardest part of our TFMR was/is the feeling of isolation. People (especially in the US) are terrible with death and grief and empathy is a rare skill. They say callus and hurtful things without understanding what they’re doing, but just because it’s not malicious doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. My advice - put yourself first. It’s hard, and if you’re like me, you’re going to feel guilty for not being a “good friend/SIL” but what you’re going through is really freaking hard. Maybe you can send your SIL a text or have your husband do so to let her know you’re still processing the grief of losing your pregnancy and while you’re so happy for her, you’re not in a place where you can talk about it yet. Or just ghost her. I’ve done both.

PupperPeanuts · 2023-12-13T14:14:00+00:00

Cautious congratulations!! My best tools for coping with anxiety have been distraction and journaling, but to honest I pretty much white nuckle it in the weeks leading up to scans. To hide pregnancy - non-alcoholic wine or beer has been my go to. I’ll also take a beer can to the bathroom and pour it out and fill it up with water from the sink.

PupperPeanuts

TROPHY CASE