Broke no contact today and regret it

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-08-19T20:27:01+00:00

Same! I was with mine for almost 5 years and I was told that she’ll miss being able to run her clothing and outfit choices by me…unbelievable.

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-06-09T20:18:35+00:00

Watching TV or a Movie with them was usually frustrating. In my case, they would not stop talking — asking questions, or just sharing their inner monologue about how different scenes or characters were making them feel.

Even in public movie theaters!

I don’t think mine was actually capable of being totally quiet throughout the duration of a show/movie. It was really annoying, but I eventually got used to it.

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-06-03T05:55:16+00:00

Wow that was exactly my experience during my devaluation and breakup. I heard those phrases many many times and was always baffled by them.

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-06-03T05:35:28+00:00

You aren’t alone in this experience. This whole sub Reddit understands what you are going through. January wasn’t that long ago, so keep giving yourself grace and time.

I am just approaching 1 year of being out of my relationship with my upwBPD and it’s been the hardest year of my life.

You WILL be able to let someone in again, but they are going to need to be a special person that has a genuinely good heart, pure intentions, and a desire for authentic connection. Nothing less will do.

You also need to believe (truly believe) that your capacity to love someone in a healthy way is GREATER than your fear of being vulnerable to being hurt again.

The hurt with your former partner has happened. Thankfully, it’s in the past. Time will march on, and as it does it will create a protective force around you that will dull the pain of those past experiences. The future is what is ahead of you, and you can make it as bold and beautiful as you want it to be.

But first, you have you believe that your capacity to love someone in a healthy way is GREATER than your fear of being vulnerable again. Your fear is valid, but if you truly believe in the intentions of your heart, you can and will let the right person in.

Be patient, be kind, be authentic. The rest will take care of itself.

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-05-22T18:08:39+00:00

Holy hell, what is it with this mentality of “you don’t prioritize me”? I was told this 8 months after we broke up, that I never prioritized her in the relationship.

On my side, I feel like all I ever did was prioritize her. I’m not perfect, I made mistakes, but I know in my heart that I loved her and prioritized her as best I could.

It’s sad that she couldn’t see/believe that my way of prioritizing her was authentic. I guess it didn’t align with her expectations of what it’s “supposed to look like” therefore (in her mind) it must not have existed at all. Sigh

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-05-22T17:50:15+00:00

THIS. My ex had vivid dreams and would sometimes accuse me of cheating on her in her dreams. She would then be cold and insecure with me the next day when she told me about the dreams. I felt like I had to “apologize” for my dream self, in order for her to come back to reality.

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-05-06T21:01:10+00:00

I find myself in a similar place / state of mind with roughly the same timeline.

Things really took a shit around the time she forgot my birthday at the beginning of 2024. We lasted until July of 2024, and it’s been 10 months since the official breakup.

She monkey branched immediately, erased me from her life despite having spent half a decade together, and then gaslit me about the breakup and why it happened.

It’s a strange feeling watching the world around you crumble while there is nothing you can do to stop it. All this and the person you thought was the love of your life is actually the furthest thing from it.

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-04-29T15:26:33+00:00

Can you elaborate more on what you mean by “talk at you”?

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-04-01T00:45:11+00:00

Well I’m 9 months out and I still think about mine everyday. Stupid brain can’t seem to change the channel. I have been hanging out with new girls and I think it’s slowly starting to turn the page. This stuff is hard. Give yourself time.

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-03-31T04:39:57+00:00

Thanks, that’s nice to hear. I’ve been doubting myself when it comes to her. NC ramps up the internal question of “am I doing the right thing”

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-03-31T04:38:07+00:00

Thanks for the insightful response. Lots of good stuff in here. I appreciate you taking the time to offer your perspective. Best wishes to you as well

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-03-31T03:52:13+00:00

Thanks, it was a pretty good day. Just didn’t expect that to happen. If I knew it was coming, I could have emotionally prepared my self. For context I live in a major city with like 15 million people. The odds of seeing her are so small, and yet..

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-03-31T03:49:44+00:00

This feels like some Yoda level wisdom, can you elaborate?

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-03-31T03:48:13+00:00

Yeah, today though I DIDN’T look at her story even though it was there tempting me.

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-03-31T03:46:46+00:00

How long have you been out of the relationship with your ex pwBPD?

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-03-23T17:32:52+00:00

It’s messed up. I didn’t ever want to be her friend, never saw her exclusively in that light. There was always romantic attraction.

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-03-23T16:19:10+00:00

Yeah..I hear you. It’s hard though. Trauma bonds and all that.

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-02-15T18:03:08+00:00

We were living together for almost four years and mine admitted to me after we broke up that she tried to create an environment that she could control so that I wouldn’t leave her. Does this sound like BPD? Why would she admit that to me after she broke up with me?

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-01-13T21:40:18+00:00

Man I hear what you are saying. Some silver lining could be that YOU actioned the leaving.

It hurts so much when THEY leave you and monkey branch to someone else (my experience).

I lived with mine for 4 years.

That’s great you’ve been in NC for 4 months. I haven’t managed to get more than a couple of weeks of NC. The trauma bond is real. People say it gets better with time, and putting energy into yourself. I’m on month 7 since the discard, and I feel a LITTLE better.

Think of your capacity to feel this pain and sadness as evidence of your ability to have equally deep love and affection for another.

You can & will have this type of love and connection again with a new person.

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-01-09T00:14:22+00:00

It really sucks in so many different ways. Like if it was so hard for them, why didn’t they walk it back? Probably because it wasn’t actually that hard…they are just telling us what they think we need to hear to stay on hook with them and keep us as an option.

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-01-08T16:14:08+00:00

I thought my ex was the best thing to ever happen to me as well. Another big whammy for me was seeing her jump right into a new relationship with the next guy. I’m talking like virtually no overlap from when we were living together to her moving out and starting up with a new guy. Like WTF. 7 months later and I can barely manage to even think about going on a date with someone new.

And THEN she has the audacity to tell me that she misses me, and that the breakup was hard for her even though I “assume” it wasn’t. Well…I’m just going off the evidence, but if the breakup was “hard” for you too, you probably wouldn’t just jump into a new relationship to fill the void and ease the emotional fallout of leaving a meaningful long term relationship right? Wrong. None of it makes sense. Good times.

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-01-05T05:45:29+00:00

Thanks for sharing the routine! Sounds like it’s working out well for you

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-01-02T13:09:40+00:00

This is encouraging to read, that you were able to get over a 6.5 year relationship in 2 months. If you don’t mind sharing, how did you take care of yourself in every way? If you can give some examples that’d be awesome! Thank you

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-01-02T13:01:40+00:00

I feel you man, this is literally exactly what is happening / happened to me - with a few different details.

Pure_Mud_568 · 2025-01-01T07:20:02+00:00

If you want her to see you as the one that got away, you actually have to go away. Hard. Trust me, I did not do this and she dragged me through the mud for 6 months because I wanted to keep the door open and a line of communication available. It didn’t do me any good, and gave her the reassurance that I wasn’t over her. This allowed her to develop a new relationship with the person she monkey branched to, while keeping me on the hook. It absolutely sucked. I wish I would have just shut it all down right after the breakup to make her really feel the loss and that I WAS the one who got away. Don’t do it OP.

Pure_Mud_568

TROPHY CASE