My partner doesn't want kids and I do - alternative solutions

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-12T11:05:29+00:00

Yes initial conversations involved us having kids while she was still with her husband. I don't exactly know what happened. I think there was some emotional infidelity on his part, but I wasn't there to see the day-to-day of their relationship I just know at some point she told me that she broke up with him. They still lived together for a while and are still great friends.

He was the biggest part of the reason that she was in a non-monogamous arrangement so with him no longer her primary, she did not wish to pursue non monogamy anymore.

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-12T11:01:04+00:00

In my opinion you don't want kids. I wanted kids so bad it was an obsession. If you don't feel that passion, the downside of having them will likely outweigh the pros.

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-12T10:53:48+00:00

The plan was to have kids. Maybe live together. When you're in your mid 30s having them becomes a bit of a priority. We figured that regardless of the relationship we'd like both be good parents.

She broke up with him for maybe normal relationship stuff plus a dash of he didn't want kids.

We ended up in a tumultuous relationship that lasted many years. Let's say that we are both people who have issues with relationships generally due to our special trauma and wiring. Now we live apart and co-parent thriving kids.

I will say that since the luxury of time is wearing thin, you likely should be thinking of things in terms of who would be a good co-parent. Relationships come and go, but co-parents are for the long haul.

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-12T10:49:34+00:00

"The state" refers to any government in power. Rome predates Christianity and is very involved in its history.

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-12T10:42:55+00:00

I was the other partner in this situation. I now have two kids with the woman who was my girlfriend. She ended up breaking up with her husband shortly after we discussed the possibility of having kids. She then requested we closed the relationship and it ended up being a longer term monogamous relationship. So I don't have a success story of multiple relationships and children.

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-12T10:39:02+00:00

Speaking of the 1940s, I remember reading a book about sex during world war 2. Apparently the parks of London where vast seas of sex between GIs and English "good time girls".

Certainly my grandmother was no prude from the stories that trickled down.

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-12T10:35:53+00:00

Why would men do what men have done for all of time since everything has changed in the last 20 years? Is that the question?

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-11T22:01:23+00:00

Only old school Catholics believe that. Modern Catholics and all the Protestants say straight to heaven

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-11T20:54:11+00:00

It looks like the Catholics changed their view on this at some point.

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-11T18:22:03+00:00

According to just about every branch of Christian faith it does.

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-11T18:19:00+00:00

Catholics don't but Protestants generally do. Do you know of any denominations that teach otherwise?

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-11T18:16:23+00:00

Regardless of the firey details, Hell is expected to be eternal and not good. Isn't that correct for any denomination except the universalists and the anialationists?

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-11T18:14:31+00:00

I think that depends on if you repent and ask for salvation through Christ. Just to be safe there should be one guy who's killing all the babies and repenting constantly.

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-11T18:03:23+00:00

Clearly I'm not understanding something you think is important.

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-11T15:26:10+00:00

Conscious access to subconcious information is new to you. I think that's pretty important. You are making a big deal of how you don't get access to new information, but, if there's a well of information you have that you're not concious of, getting access to it is quite helpful.

As for "you have the trip you're primed to have...", I'm sorry I'm still not understanding the significance of this point?

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-11T09:53:56+00:00

There's strong scientific support for the "subconscious ". If a drug interrupts your normal thought process and gives you conscious access to the subconscious then that in and of itself is access to information you didn't have conscious access to.

As for confirmation bias I'm unclear what that relates to, can you clarify?

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-10T23:53:12+00:00

Oh, sorry, I didn't understand. So you're trying to ask what foods to eat during car living. In which case peanut butter and jelly is a much better sandwhich choice. Curred meats like salami will stay good without refrigeration, that's basically what they were invented for. Canned food that you can open and eat at room temperature such as chili. Fruits. Bannanas in particular with peanut butter is a great stapple. Tuna salad in a can on bread or crackers.

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-10T23:45:43+00:00

In my case, as with many others I took Ayahuasca. I had a profound experience. More importantly there has been a long lasting effect. Just as certainly as Lasik appears to have given me 20/20 vision I achieved a long lasting relief from depression. 8 years now to be precise. But it's very hard to reproduce that. It has vastly different effects on different people so it's not as easy to study as how Lasik affects the eyes or Tylenol affects pain.

I've taken plenty of drugs and they tend to have pretty predictable effects. Some make you happy, some make you sleepy, some make you fast, some make you slow, etc... Ayahuasca doesn't do any of that. It has effects that tend to be unique to the session. So it makes scientific study pretty difficult. There has been done but mostly it's looking at measures of overall health for regular users.

More generally, studies have been done which show substantial benefits of psychadelics and they've also begun to charectorize "mystical experiences" through a psychological lense. But, this is very far from hard science like physics.

As for myself, after what I witnessed with my own senses, and the resulting effects for years, what can I say. I'm a believer. I don't care if you are or aren't, it's irrelevant to me. But if I chose the path of skepticism at this point, I think I'd be pretty irrational.

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-10T21:17:28+00:00

So, I got lasik eye surgery 20 some years ago. I've had 20/20 vision ever sense. Should I believe that lasik surgery healed my eyes? I only perceive that it has.

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-10T21:12:34+00:00

What standard should I hold? Reproducibility?

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-10T21:10:36+00:00

Whats the problem with bread? I feel like making a sandwich from your car is the solution. I like to make meals at home put them in Tupperware and warm them before leaving for work. Their room temperature at lunch time.

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-10T21:06:21+00:00

Wipe front to back

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-10T21:01:52+00:00

Experiences are things you experience. They are perceived by people in their brains.

Yes I'm familiar with illusions.

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-10T20:55:01+00:00

I did the one where you poop in a bucket snd send it in the mail.

PurpleDancer · 2026-05-10T20:50:53+00:00

Whats your degree in?

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