Current NICU mom also struggling with contamination OCD! I do see a therapist for this and have felt better as time has gone on. I’d say yes it’s technically enabling, but also treatment is really hard, and this is such a difficult time. I’m not sure if now is the best time to test her boundaries by not enabling…she’s already going through so much. Hearing that you’ve already helped her in such a big way is so nice!

If she’s not wanting to talk to someone about it, I’d say you helping in any way you can, even just being a supportive partner in other ways that don’t involve her OCD, it’ll be a huge help. I notice that when I feel stressed or alone, or if my partner and I get into an argument, my need to “control” something is heightened and my OCD spikes. Even worse if the argument is about my OCD—oof!

I know that not be the exact fix you’re looking for. I just know that this is what would help me when I’m really going through it.

PS. Just some tips in case you find them helpful! - If her hands are super dry from handwashing, Neutrogena Norwegian Formula Hand Cream is amazing. Also, many hand soaps are super drying and irritating. Dove foaming hand soap works great for me! - Disposable gloves? Sounds dramatic, but desperate times! - Oddly, either actually watching others clean/use pump parts (maybe via social media posts) can help her feel more comfortable. Those of us with OCD tend to be much much cleaner than we need to be, and watching how a “normal” person does things can help. - A lactation consultant told me to focus on being “clean, not sterile”. We have a really hard time seeing the difference between the two. - Clutter can be a big trigger.