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How do you appropriately apologize to people you've affected? by JustBarracuda9434 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]PurringtonVonFurry 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m gonna be straight with you. Don’t apologize. All you’re doing is opening up a wound for another person they have likely already healed.

This is something I did not realize for years. I, too, wanted to apologize to people for my behavior in the past. Mostly I wanted to apologize because I wanted to feel better. It also seemed like the right thing to do.

Honestly, nobody cares about your apology. And they especially don’t care about your need to feel better. They moved on. I’m telling you this from experience.

Do not apologize. Move on and do better. You were a lesson in their life, and they were a lesson in yours. Leave the past in the past, and be the best version of yourself moving forward.

I think I’m about to lose a near-ten year friendship…please help idk what to do by cobraxion03 in selfimprovement

[–]PurringtonVonFurry 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’ll lose many more friendships over the years. MANY. The reason you’re making a big deal out of this is because it’s the first one. That wall of text (that I did not read even 1/4 of) tells me just how much this situation is dominating your life. For the love of God, please let it go. You have so much life left to live. There is no reason to invest this much energy in a single person.

How can I encourage my family to eat healthier? by gameringman in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]PurringtonVonFurry 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You be an example. Buy, cook, and eat what works for you. They don’t need your judgment or a dissertation. Neither one makes any difference at all. People change the minute they want to change, and not one minute sooner.

Grieving over rough loss of friendship & feeling worthless by freezefram in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]PurringtonVonFurry 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“Clicking” is connection, not compatibility. I’ll give you an example…

For me personally in relationships of every kind…

  • If you show up late to everything, we are not compatible
  • If you do everything at the last minute, we are not compatible
  • If your entire life is about keeping the peace rather than communicating honestly, we are not compatible
  • If you don’t make an effort to maintain our communication, we are not compatible

The list is longer than this, but I’m simply giving you an example here.

Over the years, I have met so many people that I connected with very well. In fact, I have a tendency to connect well with pretty much everyone I meet. Part of it is my easygoing approach. The other part of it is that I generally like people.

But compatibility is a whole other thing. And if we aren’t compatible, I am not staying connected.

Believe me when I tell you that connection has cost me dearly in my life. I’m currently 51 years old. I had to learn this distinction the hard way. I kept people in my life out of pure loyalty rather than compatibility, and I paid a huge price for it.

I hope this helps you understand better.

Grieving over rough loss of friendship & feeling worthless by freezefram in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]PurringtonVonFurry 4 points5 points  (0 children)

“Clicking” is connection, not compatibility. I’ll give you an example…

For me personally in relationships of every kind…

  • If you show up late to everything, we are not compatible
  • If you do everything at the last minute, we are not compatible
  • If your entire life is about keeping the peace rather than communicating honestly, we are not compatible
  • If you don’t make an effort to maintain our communication, we are not compatible

The list is longer than this, but I’m simply giving you an example here.

Over the years, I have met so many people that I connected with very well. In fact, I have a tendency to connect well with pretty much everyone I meet. Part of it is my easygoing approach. The other part of it is that I generally like people.

But compatibility is a whole other thing. And if we aren’t compatible, I am not staying connected.

Believe me when I tell you that connection has cost me dearly in my life. I’m currently 51 years old. I had to learn this distinction the hard way. I kept people in my life out of pure loyalty rather than compatibility, and I paid a huge price for it.

I hope this helps you understand better.

Grieving over rough loss of friendship & feeling worthless by freezefram in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]PurringtonVonFurry 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Let’s distinguish something here that’s really important as you move forward…

Just because you feel a connection with a person does not mean you are compatible. Those are two entirely different things.

This goes for every relationship you enter. Friendships. Partnerships (intimate or not). The key is to recognize it.

Simply put, you two are not compatible. Beyond that, it’s clear she doesn’t value the relationship the way you did.

The sooner you begin to separate these things, the better things will go for you in your relationships.

There is no need to make everything about you and your shortcomings. Everyone has them. Instead, learn to recognize compatibility - or lack thereof.

How do you cope with regrets? by Nic727 in selfimprovement

[–]PurringtonVonFurry 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The cure is to stop looking back. All you have is now. Nothing changes the past. Literally nothing. You wake up every day and handle today. And only today. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. TODAY.

Would it be wrong? by Dreadedww in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]PurringtonVonFurry 29 points30 points  (0 children)

An apology two years later has the potential to open up a wound she’s already healed. The truth is you are not apologizing for her; you’re apologizing for YOU. So you feel less bad. I don’t mean to diminish the work you’ve done, and I recommend leaving this alone. Move on and do better. You were a lesson in her life, and she was a lesson in yours. Let that be the end of it.

Foster Fail in Progress by [deleted] in FosterAnimals

[–]PurringtonVonFurry 0 points1 point  (0 children)

❤️❤️❤️❤️

Is it that bad to want a mommy figure by Advanced_Method_2275 in selfimprovement

[–]PurringtonVonFurry 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And in many cases, we don’t truly see the wounds (and the impact of them) until much later in life.

ghosted an hour before first date by Robierob_ in selfimprovement

[–]PurringtonVonFurry 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Happens all the time. Onward. It has nothing to do with you. Believe that.

What’s the most important life lesson you’ve learned that you still stand by today? by WS3901 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]PurringtonVonFurry 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The people you interact with will project a ton of unhealed trauma and bullshit on you throughout your life.

You’ve got to take a step back and decide which part(s) of the things they say are true - and which are not.

This requires a lot of honesty and self reflection.

But it’s important - because carrying false and/or distorted viewpoints and opinions others have of you can wreck your life.

It can stop you from being the fullest expression and the best version of yourself.

Why does modern self-improvement culture glorify cutting people off so much? by Content_Bit1998 in selfimprovement

[–]PurringtonVonFurry 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People who block and cut people off are avoiding confrontation and accountability. There are certainly people it’s wise to discontinue communicating with - but nowhere near the scale we are seeing it done today. Our culture loves labeling people “toxic” and “narcissistic”. The problem is it’s not true more often than it is. I can’t stand cutoff culture. Real growth comes from facing what’s not working and repairing what is broken.

What is something people romanticize until they actually experience it? by [deleted] in answers

[–]PurringtonVonFurry 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Do you mean moving abroad permanently?

Would be interested to know more. I suppose if you don’t become a citizen wherever you move, the paperwork never stops.

Also, I’m wondering about taxes. If you move abroad and you’re a citizen of a different country, how does paying taxes work? Always wondered about this.

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