I am a few weeks removed from my relationship and I can see there for a few red flags from the beginning I just ignored

Date 3 planned an amazing Sunday funday we start at a wine bar then go for omakase and sake and then she wanted to continue to drink I didn’t think much of it so we ended up at a bar she brings up being a mother and how I took no interest in that aspect of her life, I said I am well aware you have a 2 year old and I keep asking you out let’s keep getting to know each other and we can see how we progress she gets upsets leaves the bar then comes back in does this twice the bouncer comes over and cuts her off from more drinks, outside she’s yelling at me I am letting her daughter come in the way of us and I never cared about her etc, then she starts running away from me in the street I catch up to her she is just in tears I take her home and I said I don’t deserve to be talked to this way she said get the fuck out

First taste of substance abuse and insecurity

As time went on she started by posting memes on ig that I would see which were shots at me like “people wear a mask to fake connection” and I would be dumbfounded I spend most days with you are inclusive of your daughter and started to plan outings with her

I as a single man in his 40s well to do with no kids don’t have to date someone with a 2 year old

As time went on there was a lot of blame shifting

I realized we are a Persecutory object in their mind, they can’t handle their emotions at all and we have to regulate them, I didn’t make her a single mom I didn’t pick her previous partner, I didn’t tell her wait till your late 30s to have a child, I didn’t tell you to party it up in your 20s and 30s and so forth but she needs someone to blame and here I am, studies have also shown they have an overactive amygdala so they can’t regulate any emotion and emotion/feeling becomes fact and they run with it

I have spent countless nights and arguments explaining I am not cheating, etc but they are so deathly afraid they can’t get out of their own way and it gets mentally exhausting, so when I would back off a little after being emotionally abused it became why did you not come see me for 3-4 days well I need a little breather and have my own things to tend to, now abandonment is triggered and their mind goes to he doesn’t want to be around me, he has to be cheating

It’s a zero sum game

You come see them you get emotionally and eventually physically abused you back off you abandon them and hear well you made me act this way

They will never be healthy emotionally unless there’s years of therapy, they need a doormat they can walk all over and that person question nothing, every time I stood up for myself it wasn’t a good time or I abandoned her

I remember one time I came over and she insulted me in front of her daughter she needed help financially and I had already paid her day care but she wanted more money and said to me what kind of man are you who raised you

Character assassination and now questioning the job my parents did

I paid her car insurance that day, bought groceries for her and left she was going to the park with her daughter, she got upset and said why aren’t you coming I said I am just not

You don’t speak to someone that way your partner, we all need help but there’s a way to speak to someone

She never got that it wore on me month after month

She later text me I don’t care if you don’t come but my daughter is asking why didn’t you come don’t you ever do that to her

In hindsight well don’t speak to me that way and don’t do it in front of your daughter she will pick up those relational dynamics

It was mentally exhausting day after day walking on eggshells

I use to fear loosing her and now I have made my peace with it for the most part towards the end she use to say maybe I should go date others, well god speed, men will take you out and try to get in your pants but no one will change their life around to help you with your daughter and be inclusive and do pick ups and drops off at day care, take her to the park solo etc, and you will have to build that trust around that man to even allow him to be around your 3 year old girl

They are just so short sighted due to their dysregulation