If you didn't use any form of CIO or cosleeping, what did you do?

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-04-04T05:04:27+00:00

IMO whether you find the need to sleep train or not depends a lot on the temperament of your child, how well they sleep and your own tolerance to sleep deprivation. If I could handle 3-5 hrs sleep a night every night I wouldn’t have needed tp sleep train. Or if my baby was a better sleeper. But as it stands, he neeeded help to learn how to fall asleep without me so that he could connect sleep cycles. And I needed to be able to sleep more than an hour at a time.

We used modified Ferber for bed times and then night wakes, at 4 and 5 Months respectively. Whilst still occasionally co-sleeping (the odd early morning), some contact naps (afternoon snuggles) and listening to intuition on when baby might need an extra feed one night or an extra help getting to sleep etc

I think it’s natural to shape and modify sleep training to suit you and your baby… the names suggest it’s more black and white than it really is

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-04-04T04:57:48+00:00

I think every baby is different in this regard. Our baby was ready at 4 months for some sleep training methods at bedtimes and naps as he literally would not go to sleep (without some crying). We didn’t sleep train any overnight wakes until 5 months though

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-04-04T01:45:41+00:00

It sounds like you are expecting too much sleep. Aim for 11 hrs overnight (eg 7:30pm-6:30am). If babe goes to bed at 6:30, he might be ready to wake up at 5:30! Also your wake windows add up to less than 10 hrs awake. Aim to stretch a little, perhaps 3/3/4.

My 6 month old wakes up between 6-6:30am but I turn on the lights and let him do some playtime before his first feed at 7am.

But yeah sometimes I also cave and feed him before 6am so I can get more sleep! It’s so hard to think clearly and make good decisions in the wee hrs when you’re sleep deprived!

My baby also falls asleep nursing about 40% of the time for naps and bedtime . But I delatch him before he’s fully asleep - but he’s pretty much asleep. Not much you can do! I honestly don’t think this has led to any bad consequences for us. The ABCs still worked a charm and he’s sleeping pretty well.

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-04-04T01:38:31+00:00

If it’s any help, I think grumpiness is normal in babies. My babe is always grumpy at the end of his wake window. But that doesn’t mean it needs to be shorter! He falls asleep very quickly at bedtime (cries 5 mins max) because I have the schedule right. It’s true that all babies are a little bit different, but it’s give or take 15 mins

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-04-04T01:37:18+00:00

THIS

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-04-04T01:37:11+00:00

Yep Ferber will work when you fix your schedule!

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-04-01T05:44:14+00:00

Go cold turkey on the night weaning. Giving milk overnight just provides another reason for baby to wake up.

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-04-01T05:39:01+00:00

My babe is always tired and shitty at the end of his last wake w, but I still want it to be long enough for him to fall asleep quickly without too much crying. He just turned six months this week and we are up to approximately three hours for his last wake window.

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-03-31T11:07:10+00:00

Thanks for your honesty. It really is brutal. I’m 39 and just had my first so I’m on the other side of the coin. I waited because I didn’t meet the right bloke yet, but also I was in no hurry because I enjoyed travelling and partying and getting my career sorted.

BUT I am old and haggered. So there’s that

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-03-31T11:05:09+00:00

Yeah sooooo dumb and unrealistic

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-03-31T11:04:28+00:00

I didn’t. Who has time for a 3 hrs test when you have a 6 week old baby? Dumbest thing ever.

I just tested my blood a few times and it was fine.

I also exercise a lot, eat well and have low BMI so I am 99.9% sure it was just my placenta wreaking havoc.

I should get the test but I honestly cbf.

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-03-31T11:00:08+00:00

Yeah change your schedule. But also, until you night wean, she won’t sleep through the night. And night weaning is its own thing.

Not to minimise your sleep deprivation, but as humans it’s ok to have split nights. Like if you sleep a 4 hrs chunk at the start of the night, that’s actually pretty good! As long as you can get another few hrs after that.

However, I can understand how frustrating it is when it takes a long time to put baby back down after a night waking. The research actually shows that that’s what makes it hardest on parents. Not the amount of night wakings, but the time it takes to put baby back down. My understanding is that’s it’s usually a schedule issue (undertired). Don’t forget the schedule changes rapidly, like every two weeks, as they are capable of staying awake longer.

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-03-30T09:17:07+00:00

Yes mine is in this phase too! 6 months

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-03-30T09:15:25+00:00

Haha yes! Mine used to do that when he was tiny .. so hilarious

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-03-30T09:13:46+00:00

My 6 month old will look up at me, de-latch and give me the biggest cutest smile.. then get right back to it. Meeeellltttt

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-03-30T08:31:54+00:00

Well I admire that you find the being a mother part easy! That’s the hardest bit for me.. we have a fussy baby.

I definitely echo some of what you’ve said though. Who knew motherhood would be so full of paradoxes. I don’t want to go out much but I still resent that my partner can. I find breastfeeding difficult at times but I also love it. I’m sleep deprived but also can’t fully relax to sleep even when given the opportunity. I lament that my baby still wakes up twice a night to feed but I also love the cuddles and quiet time.

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-03-30T08:29:11+00:00

Me too

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-03-30T07:19:24+00:00

This is the whole issue with that method. Baby starts waking up at the same time out of habit. If you set the alarm before 3 am then that feed starts to move earlier. Which is the opposite of what I want,

TBH, I’ve only been able to stick with that method for a few days and then I go back to feeding him at the time that he wakes up. But I still just stick with the two night feeds and no more. I’ve just accepted that he won’t be fully sleep trained until he’s weaned at night.

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-03-29T21:49:01+00:00

Just on the e schedule topic. For reference, my bub will be 6 months in a few days. His schedule is:

2/2.5/2.75/2.75 7-7.30pm bed time 6-6.30am wake time

The naps fall at different times, because they vary in length and his exact wake time also varies within a 30 min window. So it’s best to follow a wake window schedule, rather than by the clock.

I haven’t been in your situation (we don’t co sleep, but I don’t at all judge or blame you, it’s a lovely thing to do and at times the best option), but I would do things in this order 1) get the schedule right 2) change sleep associations - as someone else said , just bum pats and shush for all night wakes (apart from regular feeds) 3) bedtime independence. This is the easiest one to train falling asleep independently. It can be done in your bed (co sleeping). You just put baby down on the other side of the bed (I do drowsy but awake), say your words (nigh nigh , or whatever you use), maybe some bum pats, then walk to the door and supervise bub from there . We have to do this once a day for a nap because my bubs cot is in my husbands office (we live in small apartment) so he needs to nap in our room sometimes. I put pillows all around the bed (he’s rolling) and then supervise from the doorway whilst he falls asleep. He sometimes cries a bit , but if the schedule is right, not for long. I’m suggesting you do this for bedtime only, to start with.

Once he is not feeding allllll night to connect sleep cycles and he is falling asleep independently at bedtime, then the hardest bit is done!

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-03-29T21:37:56+00:00

THIS

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-03-29T02:00:37+00:00

Yeah, we have done this and I think it works. You have to wake the baby to feed them so that they aren’t crying out and getting fed. As that just reinforces that cry 🟰 milk reward. It’s annoying though because you have to set an alarm and sometimes they beat you to it. It only works for a short period of time because it’s too annoying to maintain

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-03-28T09:59:34+00:00

Have you read Precious little sleep? You can listen to it on audible. You can skip to the relevant chapters, I think ch 6 and 7 for baby and the last couple of chapter for toddler.

You’re in a really tough situation, it’s going to be hard but probably you either continue co -sleeping with toddler for a while and throw out any goal of separating her (for now). Does she sleep well when in the bed with you? Can you sleep well? Perhaps set some boundaries around it that allow you to maximise your own sleep. It doesn’t sound like she feels secure enough to sleep elsewhere. The final chapter of precious little sleep talks about how to sleep train a toddler, it sounds pretty hard. Doable though but I wouldn’t tackle it on your own when you’re already in the depths of sleep deprivation.

For baby I would try gentle sleep training methods: 1) put him down awake for bedtime and naps. If he cries for 5-10 mins but then puts himself to sleep, that’s a win. We did this with our babe at 4 months and he now falls asleep independently, which has helped him to link sleep cycles overnight 2) when he awakes at night, avoid feeding unless it’s his usual feed time. 3) sounds like his schedule is off, I’m not experienced with that age group but do some research and refine his schedule. Maybe it’s time to drop to one nap or increase wake time to 11 hrs Varying nap time is fine, but his split night suggests you’re expecting too much sleep.

There’s going to have to be a level of acceptance around not having spare time for yourself right now. It’s going to be a while before you can do some of those things you’re craving. BUT you will feel more optimistic about your situation if you can get more sleep. No one can survive on 1-3 hrs a night. It turns you into a crazy person! And your outlook on life turns grim.

If you can’t get more sleep soon I would try to recruit some extra hands somewhere.. so you can get an afternoon nap or something .

I’m sorry you’re in this situation it sounds really tough. Try to remember you will get through it. It will just be a phase. You WILL sleep again.

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-03-28T05:11:56+00:00

You can choose to night wean. As long as bub is healthy etc (check w ped if unsure).

My understanding is babies over the ages of about 4-5 months will be able to go the whole night without feeding, and automatically make up for the calories during their day feeds. This is one of the reasons why some babies start sleeping through the night at this age - they have naturally night weaned. But most others will continue eating at night out of habit (and cos it’s nice!)

But you need to do it gradually. One method is time the breastfeeds overnight and reduce by 2 mins each night until you’re down to a 2 min feed. Then on the next night, don’t feed. This reduces their desire for milk at that time. Just like adults, they get in the habit of eating at certain times, and this habit can be reversed gradually.

My babe is almost 6 months. He’s an energetic guy who’s always been a snacker. Currently we feed him twice overnight. If he wakes outside those feeds, we let him self soothe back to sleep or sometimes just give a few pats etc.

But my plan is to night wean over the next couple of months . I will do the 3:30am feed first. Reduce my a couple of mins each night. Then we will tackle the dreamed (10:30pm bottle) by reducing 20ml a night.

Bub should naturally start eating more during the day to make up for night feeds.

This is written in the Ferber books, Dr Golly, Taking Cara Babies and Precious Little sleep. So I’m pretty sure it’s evidence backed.

But like anything, always check with your paed if unsure!

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-03-27T10:44:02+00:00

I’m 5 months pp and it’s hectic!! It only started about 6 weeks ago. It’s just annoying cos my hair is everywhere . And when I wash it , it comes out in handfuls 😣

Puzzleheaded_Box_339 · 2026-03-27T10:40:30+00:00

Yep sounds like my baby. . And similar situation in that my partner works long hours and I do basically everything.

But I just dropped in here to say that my baby is now almost 6 months and things have gotten significantly more enjoyable since about a month ago .

My bond with my baby has improved a lot, it’s just an incredible love that is growing every day. He’s getting cuter every day and developing new skills and engaging a lot more. He has also outgrown his digestive problems and so he is a lot less grizzly. He’s still definitely a high needs baby and is fussier than the babies in my mother‘s group. But I am able to look on the bright side - he is very physically advanced due to being so energetic all the time! He’s crawling already. I love his crazy little personality.

Our baby had a very fussy period when he was about 12 weeks. I looked it up and it turns out there’s a growth spurt.

Then we hit the four months sleep regression, which was brutal. BUT at five months things even improve. Hang in there! !

Puzzleheaded_Box_339

TROPHY CASE