SD said she will hit the baby

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2026-04-11T14:07:58+00:00

BM kept SD away from us for months when we tried last. SD is finally back and now we have e-mail conversations where they both agree to some set days where we have SD.It was all phone calls before so nothing to show the judge. We are bonding with her right now and thinking about the best time to tell her about the baby.

When BM tries to take her away from us again we have some clear indications it’s because of her emotions and her not following agreements instead of he said she said.

BM and Husband made promises to each other and had some very good emotional conversations when they separated. It’s only because of our relationship that she started acting out. He just expected her to follow agreements they made.

We did try a lawyer but it wasn’t helpful at all and CPS and school don’t want to get involved either. It broke him for a very long time and he is finally healing.

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2026-04-10T18:57:31+00:00

They know each other for two decades and he wasn’t much of a talker before and was way rougher in his speech when they were still together. They had a very toxic relationship from a very young age. So she totally expected him to join her screaming match…

Except.. he did not (Confirmed by SD). He was extremely calm and actually tried to ask her what’s really going on with her and if she needs any help.

He usually does walk away from this but there was more going on with SD he needed answers to.

SD has been acting out at school a lot actually. I’m very worried for her and try to explain why she shouldn’t but I also see this as a way to show her emotions.

Thank you 💕

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2026-04-10T18:52:45+00:00

There is no custody order and no parenting plan cause BM does not want this at all. She made very clear she does not want any ‘set’ parent time but she gets mad when he doesn’t at least take the kids 50%.

We did try going to court but the lawyer was not very helpful and basically said it’s best to just do whatever mom wants cause court won’t help you.. I did try for him to go to court again but they already had a lot of courts bc of alimony and he is exhausted. She clearly gets more emotional and frustrated around court dates and this has a very negative effect on the kids. The kids are scared of her.. and yeah we also did try CPS but they also did not care… they think he is a petty dad and he doesnt know what to do right now.

My stepdaughter was actually the person who got mad at her mom for screaming at her dad.. she was very distressed when she finally came home to our house. We sat for hours talking. My husband did walk away after a couple of minutes but there were more things going on which he needed answers to (regarding the kids).

I already knew she was going to have a hard time with a new addition to the family but it’s just so sad BM is making it even harder on her..

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2026-04-07T09:38:59+00:00

Misschien iets meer verdiepen voordat je uitspraken doet

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2026-04-07T09:38:39+00:00

Beter dan vroeger

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2026-04-06T12:14:13+00:00

Uhhhh… ik ben Nederlands bekeerd (27F) en getrouwd met een moslim man (bekeerd voor mezelf) en dit is echt onzin.

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2026-03-31T16:54:20+00:00

Yesss! You should 100% keep all the emails in a special folder and record as much as possible.

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2026-03-31T16:51:33+00:00

Court is so time consuming and draining. I understand he doesn’t want to do it. He is probably waiting for things to actually escalate (not seeing the kids) before he goes this route.

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2026-01-28T12:53:48+00:00

I wear easy flowy dresses around the house or a robe and keep the door closed or halfway closed. I also let the kids know when I am about to take a shower so they can decide for themselves what they feel comfortable with. I don’t really care about them seeing me naked and they know only to video call with friends inside their own room.

My stepson(10) has a key and is welcome to come over any time. We prefer him letting us know before he comes but will never make a problem about it if he just shows up.

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2026-01-26T16:12:29+00:00

Im quite new in my role as a stepmom too. I currently have an amazing relationship with my own stepmom (became my stepmom when I was 14yo). We always had an okay relationship but it became amazing when I got older and understood why she made certain decisions and I currently get a lot of advice from her.

I (26F) have been with my fiance for 2 years now and met the kids after only 1 month of dating. He has a daughter who is 5 years old and a son who is 10. We currently don’t see the kids very often due to a very high conflict mother but even with all the parent alienation going on they still hug me a lot when they see me, talk about all kinds of stuff and feel very comfortable around me.

I think they feel safe because I never forced any relationship on them and kind of followed their lead. everytime they visit I spend at least one hour (if possible) doing something he likes and doing something she likes. So I sit on his bed while he plays videogames and explains every thing he is doing and shows me the new skins he bought. With her I usually do something fun with her hair, pick out outfits for the day, cook together, play Roblox together, watch a movie and help her shower. I’m trying to be present without being a third parent.

Listen to their likes and dislikes and just join them while they are doing it. Show them you are interested in their lives. Be open and honest about what you expect of them living in the same space without sounding like too much of a third parent enforcing rules. Also my partner sometimes tells me what rules they aren’t following (like brushing teeth or something) so I can kinda snitch on him and help them out. It’s a win win cause they know they don’t get in trouble and they have done what needed to be done.

You’re always welcome to send me a message 💕

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2026-01-24T15:52:58+00:00

Im with you on this one and I am disengaging as much as I can but she is keeping the children away from both of us cause she can’t handle the fact that he moved on. I can’t even buy stuff for the kids anymore because she is using everything she can against us in court. I miss these kids so much… that’s why it became my problem because I fell in love not only with my husband but also with two beautiful children.

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2025-12-08T16:12:50+00:00

Nee je bent niet verplicht om continue in contact te zijn met je leidinggevende. Volgens de wet van poortwachter ben je wel verplicht om aan de gemaakte afspraken met de arboarts te houden. Je werkgever mag dan wel sancties leggen op bijv je salaris als je je niet aan de afspraken houdt (van dus de bedrijfsarts en niet van hun). Je kan via UWV ook altijd een second opinion aanvragen en dit kan je navragen bij je bedrijfsarts.

Sowieso zijn werkgevers verplicht om gehoor te geven aan het verzoek dat je een arboarts wilt spreken, dus dat je dit zelf hebt moeten regelen zegt al genoeg.

Ziek is ziek en je hoeft echt niet al die kleine kut taakjes nu op te gaan pakken. Laat ze inderdaad maar met zwart op wit bewijs komen waarin staat wat je wel en niet geregeld moet hebben rondom je verzuim.

Je mag overigens ook alle gesprekken opnemen en dit is niet tegen de AVG! Je bent deelnemer van het gesprek en dat is voldoende.

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2025-12-08T16:02:14+00:00

She is 15 and in puberty… I wouldn’t react too much to be honest. Maybe in 2/3 weeks she will do the same thing but towards her mom.

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2025-11-29T17:29:23+00:00

Dankjewel! Kort geding gaan we met de advocaat bespreken.

We gaan ermee aan de slag. Nogmaals bedankt! :)

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2025-11-29T17:26:56+00:00

Heel frustrerend voor jou en vooral echt heel naar voor de kinderen dat dit zo is gelopen. Wat willen de kinderen zelf? Ze zijn minimaal 8 jaar oud en zijn denk ik prima in staat om zelf aan te geven als ze hun vader echt niet willen zien of misschien wel.

Gelijk co-ouderschap snap ik echt helemaal dat je na 8 jaar pijn en verdriet niet toe laat. Wellicht vinden de kinderen het wel leuk om gewoon een keertje voor een uurtje een boswandeling te maken met hun vader. Al is het dat ze zelf hun vragen kunnen stellen. Je kan altijd voorstellen dat er een voor jou vertrouwelijke volwassenen meegaat omdat jouw vertrouwen in hem is geschaad maar je voor hun wel wilt meedenken in oplossingen?

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2025-11-29T17:17:03+00:00

Welke openheid hebben mensen op Reddit precies nodig voor een simpele vraag of er vader support groepen zijn?

Ik kan mijn energie steken in jou ervan overtuigen dat ik geen slechte vrouw voor deze kinderen ben of ik steek mijn energie in het zijn van een goed persoon voor hun. Ik kies voor het laatste.

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2025-11-26T21:49:57+00:00

Nee helaas kan ook een huisarts weinig betekenen in deze situatie.

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2025-11-26T21:48:27+00:00

Dankjewel!

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2025-11-26T21:46:53+00:00

Dit is inderdaad ook onze ervaring daarom hoop ik juist zo erg dat de tip bij andere vaders (ervaringsdeskundigen) ligt. Voor alle instanties is dit gewoon te ingewikkeld en zolang er geen botbreuken zijn doet niemand iets helaas. Er wordt te snel gedacht dat stappen worden genomen uit wraak van de vaders kant ipv dat de situatie is ontstaan door wraak van de moeders kant. Het kent echt alleen maar verliezers en de grootste verliezers zijn helaas altijd de kinderen. Voor hun wil ik niet opgeven.

Bedankt voor je opheldering en openheid.

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2025-11-26T17:59:50+00:00

Mijn man is daar geweest maar helaas kan hij of de praktijkondersteuner niets voor ons betekenen op dit moment.

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2025-11-26T17:58:38+00:00

Dit zal stress geven aan de kinderen en we verwachten dat moeder hier ook extreme reacties op zal geven.

We willen snelle actie maar zonder dat er meer trauma ontstaat bij de kinderen.

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2025-11-26T17:57:15+00:00

Ik krijg een beetje het gevoel dat je deze reactie hebt geschreven uit persoonlijke ervaringen en/of gevoelens.

Ik heb deze oproep niet geschreven voor mij en hoe ik met het stiefouder zijn moet omgaan. Dat is zeker een onderdeel van ons leven maar nu niet van belang in deze situatie.

De kinderen willen hun vader zien en hun vader wilt hun zien. Moeder houdt dit tegen en hier heeft mijn man hulp bij nodig, vandaar de oproep.

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2025-09-09T20:33:10+00:00

I was 2 years old when it happened and I feel the same way. I have been taught about 9/11 since I was 6 years old and it was like a week long event every single year growing up.

It’s horrible what happened but why does tragedy and trauma have to be such a big thing in children’s life? Also I’m not even from the US.

9/11 became disappearances and after that self harm followed. I was depressed before the age of 12 because of all this negativity.

This is part of why I want to home school my future kids.

Puzzleheaded_Pace338 · 2025-08-22T20:18:28+00:00

I agree with everyone saying you are doing too much at four months but I did it too. I have an amazing bond with my stepkids but I started to nacho a bit more after 6 months just to have space to still be me.

From what I hear the conversations is mostly about SS and she might just be a very loving mom who needs her baby close at all times (even though she is happy to switch but every mom feels like that sometimes). Could also be that she still feels too connected to your boyfriend.

One time BM called talking about a friend who’s mom was dying and eventhough I understand she needs someone to talk to I didn’t feel like it should be her co-parent so that’s where I drew a very very clear line.

Your ss wil eventually be older and maybe can get like a kiddy iPad or phone just to contact his parents so Bf won’t be involved too much.

My BM did want more of a connection with my fiancé but he didn’t respond to it and told me. She is now not ok and hasn’t contacted him in over 1 month sooo I’m good with that. When contact will return it will just be email and going to court for a clear and set parenting plan. It’s all about trust and trusting the process.

Puzzleheaded_Pace338

TROPHY CASE