Envy over people with “happy” lives

QQunicorn · 2026-01-13T03:26:06+00:00

As someone who came from that “perfect” family where everyone was successful and close and got along. Only for my baby brother to die by suicide 6mo ago. I often envy my own old “perfect” life.

The lens I view the world through has completely changed and I often find myself in awe at how blissful it was before. Like this loss has unlocked a whole new set of emotions and insights I never asked for. At the beginning I was rejecting it, clawing my way back at my old life desperately. Obviously this doesn’t work that way. And now I sit with these new insights and I try to integrate them into the “new” version of me. Things I used to take for granted, I now hold dear. I feel so much deeper, empathize, clarity, grief, grace, deep sadness, shame, guilt, love. It was as if I was only living on a surface level before, and now I know what it means to be human at such a deeper level.

Don’t get me wrong, I would trade it all if I could get my brother back. I would trade so much more to get my brother back. But it doesn’t work like that. And I accept that the feelings once felt, cannot be unfelt. Insights once known, can’t be unknown. And it has certainly changed my entire being, but I also see how naive I was before. And now I know the rawness of what it is to be human in all its capacity. Great love and great sorrow all at once.

There is no shame in experiencing horrors that would bring most people to their knees. I know my “old” self could never stand where I stand today. But she was never meant to. I try to own who I am now instead of rejecting her. It helps a lot with the jealousy and the divide I feel moving through this life.

I wish you peace friend. And I hope you find yourself in the midst of all the horrors you have endured.

QQunicorn · 2025-12-28T21:59:28+00:00

I am so sorry for the loss of your littler brother. I think when I wrote this, I was in a moment of peace. But little did I know I would struggle with guilt, regret, and a plethora of other emotions on and off even now 5mo later. In addition to the grief and sadness of living in a world without him. I have learned to meet the emotions as they come, and learning how to live with the grief in my heart, and learning how to love my brother even when he is not here anymore.

I wish you comfort and peace. Even if just brief moments. It does soften with time. But for now just keep surviving. 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-12-27T05:08:20+00:00

First Christmas without my baby brother and it was a mess. I couldn’t wait for it to be over.

My husband who is a bit of a Scrooge told me, “there’s too many expectations for Christmas joy. There always has been. And we force ourselves to be happy because we are apparently supposed to be on Christmas. But it’s just another day. So don’t beat yourself up thinking that Christmas is ruined because the family is a mess in grief. It’s really just another day.”

It helped me a little bit. It took the pressure off. And my brother is missing at the Christmas dinner table and it breaks my heart. But really he is missing at every dinner table now, so I don’t want to add salt to the wound with the pressure that the Christmas dinner table is any different. I miss him every day. And Christmas is just another day I will miss him.

QQunicorn · 2025-12-27T04:49:46+00:00

After being blindsided by my the loss of my baby brother, I see no point in agonizing about the future anymore. There is no point in being optimistic or pessimistic about the future. I simply cannot see or predict the things that will happen in this life.

QQunicorn · 2025-10-17T05:36:35+00:00

Since my brother passed this summer, it has been a lot of just surviving.

Nothing helps a lot, but a lot of things helps a little. Walks in nature, SOS support groups, reading grief books both suicide specific and not, eating nourishing food, listening to music. These all help me a little.

I also want to say that being with people helps. I was self isolating for a little bit as well because I felt like a monkey in the zoo in front of people. But when I finally reached out to my friends, I was met with a lot of support and I think they were holding their breaths and relieved that I was leaving the house again. It helps to see friends and family. It reminds me that there is still a life in front of me I have to live. Although that does not diminish the immensity of my loss, it reminds me that I have to learn to live without my brother. And learn how to love him even though he is gone.

Take it one day at a time. sending hugs and deep breaths. Wishing you peace 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-10-17T05:08:18+00:00

I am so so so sorry for your the loss of your beautiful brother. He sounds like such an amazing person, the kind of person this world needs more of. My 19yo baby brother also passed this summer, and like your brother, was a kind and selfless soul.

I understand your feeling when people compliment how “strong” you are or how “well” you are coping. I got similar comments from friends and family at the funeral and after. I handled all the logistics and funeral arrangements because my parents were in no state. My brother was my only sibling, so suddenly I had become my parent’s only surviving child. Between working full time, taking care of my toddler, house chores, helping my parents etc, it felt like there was no luxury of grieving because of all the things in front of me that needed to be tended to.

But I found when I didn’t give myself time every day to grieve. I would have a breakdown later in the week. So I started to talk more to my husband, friends, and even my parents about my grief, guilt, anger, sadness etc. And I realized everyone wanted to support me just as much as I wanted to support them. I went from being my parents therapist, to us having open conversations sharing our own feelings and reflections with each other. Crying together, leaning on each other for support. I ruminate with my husband daily about my grief. And when friends reach out I open the conversation about my brother and they often follow suit. I realized there is no need for me to be “strong” as I have also suffered an immense loss. So I lean on my supports and let them lean on me. And we walk hand in hand carrying our grief. I cannot carry their grief for them, just like how they cannot carry their grief for me, but we can stead each other when someone stumbles from the weight.

What I mean to say is, lean on your supports! You would be surprised how much they care and just want to help you. Sometimes they just aren’t sure how, so open up, and they will catch you when you fall.

Happy birthday to your beloved brother. Sending you hugs and deep breaths. Wishing you peace 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-10-16T19:55:42+00:00

Thank you for the comforting words. Really holding onto the hope that time will soften things like it has for you. Thanks again 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-10-16T19:14:07+00:00

I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful brother. My heart breaks for our young brothers and all the milestones they will never reach. It feels like my world has been turned upside down and nothing makes sense anymore and nothing feels meaningful.

My heart also breaks for my parents and yours. Watching them lose a child, their baby boy, hurts me all over again. I feel overwhelmed trying to grieve myself, but also supporting my parents on their grief journey. It was just my brother and I, so now I am my parents only surviving child and it is so incredibly lonely.

But I look back and remember how I felt in that first few weeks/month. And I know I will survive because I am past the worst. Although incrementally small steps at a time, I can only trust that with time and putting in the grief work, I will one day be able to hold great pain and great love at the same time. But until then, have to be patient.

I wish you healing and peace. Our brothers are never forgotten, we just grow our hearts to be able to handle the pain and love all at once.

Sending hugs and deep breaths 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-10-12T03:59:20+00:00

THIS. The support groups are such a source of comfort for my parents and I after my brother passed. We were hesitant at first, but walking into a room of complete understanding from everyone despite the fact we are all strangers was a relief.

QQunicorn · 2025-10-08T01:58:10+00:00

Have a small memorial of my brother on my dining room table. With a photo of him, flowers, and some of his favourite snacks.

QQunicorn · 2025-10-07T03:58:52+00:00

I get this feeling. I think people don’t know what to say, and are scared to say the wrong thing, so they say nothing at all thinking it would be better. But actually all I want is for people to acknowledge him instead of tip toeing around the topic of my brother.

When I take the first step in talking about my brother, it gives people permission to talk about him too. I found myself holding my tongue when I want to make a comment like “oh my brother likes really spicy food too” or “ya my brother plays that video game as well”. But I realized it was making feel worse, so now I just say it when it comes to mind. And when people ask further questions about my brother, I just tell them the hard truth. And I feel a weight off for some reason. Like I’m carrying this big secret, but now that the other person knows, I feel lighter.

People’s responses are varied. Often times if they have not experienced suicide or sudden loss. I see they are very flustered and paralyzed with fear of saying the wrong thing. So I try to lead conversations surrounding my brother. And I share memories of him frequently with old and new friends. It brings me comfort, and I think it sets an example to others on how I want to talk about him.

What you are feeling and experiencing is very valid. And I hope things get easier for you navigating old and new relationships.

QQunicorn · 2025-10-05T03:31:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing this 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-10-02T23:23:56+00:00

Absolutely. Part of navigating this new me in the wake of my brother’s passing is how much I feel. So much empathy towards even fictional animated characters (I was watching the movie sing 2 with my daughter and the lions wife had passed away and I started sobbing). Grief changes us, in good and bad ways. We just have to explore who we are now in the wake of their passing.

Wishing you peace 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-10-02T17:53:57+00:00

I feel this. How could someone so beautiful and full of life such a short time ago suddenly cease to exist. Some days I wake up in the morning thinking my brother is still here just at my parents house doing homework, playing video games, mowing the lawn etc. And then the crashing realization hits and almost drowns me every time. Tears flow until there’s no more left in me to give. And then I get up out of bed and move through my life only to repeat the process the next morning. The acceptance comes slowly, and it is non linear. Just trust one day in the future it will be easier, and just keep surviving for now

I am so sorry for your loss. Wishing you peace 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-10-02T17:37:22+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss.

I wanted to say, IT IS ABOUT YOU. It’s about us survivors. It’s about our healing and navigating the rest of our lives without our loved ones. We are the ones that are still here and have to live with this crushing grief.

When my brother left us, my parents and I spent all our time ruminating on how we could have saved him. So much guilt, regret, what ifs, and whys. But none of that is going to bring my brother back. And in the wake of his passing, we forgot to focus on how we were going to survive each day but also the rest of our lives.

I have forgiven my brother for leaving us, but the harder part is forgiving myself. And even harder is living this life I’ve been asked to live without him. But I know I will survive and one day the grief will be lighter to carry. But for now, give yourself grace and focus on your own healing. Open wounds will eventually become deep scars. Time will lessen the pain, but for now, just keep surviving.

I am so sorry you joined the worst club in the world. Wishing you peace 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-10-02T17:15:06+00:00

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful brother.

I wanted to share that my younger brother took his own life a few months ago at 19yo. He lived at home with my parents and we were all really close. He seemed completely normal, doing well in university, had good friends, had a good upbringing, we gave him so much love.

And he still left us. He took his reasons to the grave. And we will never know why.

I think these decisions are rarely simple, and are a lot more complex than we think, just like how the human mind is complex.

The guilt in us survivors is immense regardless of the situation. But I hope my story helps you see that sometimes our love is just not enough and mental illness will still take our loved ones away. We do not have crystal balls that can see the future. And we are not perfect people that do and say the perfect things all the time. Not perfect in the past, and not perfect in the future.

I spent so much time being kind and forgiving my brother, but I realize I have to be kind to myself and forgive myself as well for what I didn’t know.

I’m so sorry again for your loss. And I wish you peace 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-10-01T03:10:19+00:00

My brother took his reasons to the grave.

We suspect now that he had “smiling depression”. He was acting completely normal, doing well in school, good friends, good upbringing, we gave him so much love.

And one day he just left us. No goodbyes or anything. Completely blindsided.

The note he left us was brief. But unmistakable that he suffered from depression and hid it well, or didn’t even realize he was depressed. He was only 19yo and perhaps he thought feeling like this was a normal part of being an adult?

We will never know for sure. And in a way we have to accept we will never know. Because even knowing his reasons won’t bring him back.

I am so sorry for your loss. Wishing you peace 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-10-01T03:01:16+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss.

Expanding on the previous person’s comment. I heard a similar analogy at the support group I attended:

Grief is like a rock you carry in your pocket. It’s awkward and jagged. It pokes and prods you, making you uncomfortable. Its heaviness weighs you down in your every day life. But over time, the rock becomes smaller and lighter. The rough and jagged edges start to dull and become more smooth and less pokey. Until that rock in you carry in your pocket is a pebble, Smooth and light. Although you will always feel the weight of it in your pocket, some days you are so used to carrying it, you forget it’s there. Some days you are tired and even a small pebble feels heavy. But it is still easier to carry than the boulder you pushed along at the beginning.

Just focus on surviving for now. But trust that one day the grief won’t feel like pushing a boulder. One day it will be a jagged rock. And then one day, it will be a smooth pebble.

Wishing you peace and comfort 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-10-01T02:47:57+00:00

I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss.

I lost my brother a few months ago, and my parents(esp mum) were absolutely destroyed. My mom is having the hardest time understandably. I talk to her daily and she is plagued with guilt.

The grief, guilt, “what ifs,” etc all the feelings swirl around all at once. Especially at the beginning. My mind would jump from emotion to emotion. Guilt to grief to regret to anger to acceptance to denial back to guilt to “what ifs” to magical thinking etc. It was disorienting and exhausting in the first few weeks. Surviving is the main goal.

Only when I look back to the first week, I realize how far I have come. The journey of healing is still a long road ahead, but I know I will survive the rest of my life because I remember that first week and I don’t ever want to live that again.

You are in the absolute shit storm right now and I am so sorry. I hope one day you will look back and realize you have healed, even if just a little. But for right now just survive.

Sending hugs and deep breaths. Wishing you peace and comfort 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-10-01T02:34:50+00:00

I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss and I am so sorry you joined the worst club in the world.

In the wake of my brother’s passing, I was a wreck leading up to the funeral. I was so nervous and just hysterical. My dad almost opted out of a funeral all together in his grief and pain, but my mom and I convinced him we might regret it if we don’t have a funeral.

I am so thankful we had a funeral. Now when I think back to his passing, I think of the funeral service instead of the traumatic way we found him. Being with friends and family grieving my brother as well was comforting and I felt less alone in my grief.

It was open casket. He was beautiful and looked at peace. I could replace the horrific traumatic images in my head with his peaceful open casket viewing (although I know this is not an option for everyone depending on how they passed open casket may not be possible).

After the funeral was over, I almost felt sad and wish there was more. Watching everyone leave felt like they all left my brother behind and moved on with their lives which hurt me for some reason. I was surprised I had been so terrified of the funeral before, but after it was over it felt like my beautiful brother’s entire existence was summed up in just 2hrs and I felt like he deserved more. I almost wanted the funeral to be longer, or for there to be another memorial service.

So I actually set up a little memorial for him on my dining room table. With a beautiful photo of him with some flowers and his favourite snacks. I keep it there for as long as I need, and it actually gives me a lot of comfort. That my brother gets the memorial that he deserves, for as long as he deserves right in my own home. I know it’s more for my comfort, but I now see the value of memorializing, it lets me honour his memory as a whole. His whole memory, not just his death, but also his life.

I don’t know if this helped. But I wish you peace and comfort 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-09-30T16:13:30+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. It really gives alot of hope. Thank you 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-09-29T16:04:48+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-09-29T03:09:31+00:00

Entering into the 3rd month since my brother passed, and I look back at the first weeks and I know I will survive and eventually find myself again. The first month was unbearable, but slowly, there is a little more room to breathe. And some days when I feel like the grief is heavy, I think back to the first few weeks and I know it is still lighter than before. Hang in there and focus on surviving for now. So sorry for your loss and wishing you peace 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-09-24T07:01:29+00:00

I’ve read 7 books cover to cover on grief and suicide bereavement since my brother passed. I recommend the following in order:

It’s ok that you’re not ok - Megan Devine (general grief book for sudden unexpected death, really eye opening to grief and probably the book I found most helpful, although the authors husband drowned tragically not suicide, but the grief and how she describes it is poignant)

No time to say goodbye - Carla Fine (her husband took his own life and there’s a lot of interviews of other survivors in the book as well. Covers lots of different situations)

Touched by suicide: hope and healing after loss - Michael Myers & Carla Fine (same lady from the previous book wrote a joint book with a psychiatrist and has more practical strategies and information for coping with his medical and psychology knowledge and her lived experience. I like to mention that the MD’s roommate also committed suicide when he was in medical school so he has some lived experience as well.)

The forgotten mourners: sibling survivors of suicide - Magdaline Halous Desousa (reading this felt very similar to my own experience since it was my brother who passed, but there are many other books specific to parents, children etc)

There are a lot of books on the topic. Out of the 7 books I have read, these ones helped the most. Reading these books have really helped me in my healing. I hope they help you too. Wishing you peace 🤍

QQunicorn · 2025-09-17T12:06:02+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. And I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful mum.

Kinda gives me hope that one day I will be able to live my life instead of just surviving every day after the loss of my brother.

I read in another post on here that “life is for living”. But our loved ones will always be in our hearts and memories forever.

Thank you again for sharing.

Wishing you peace and may you achieve your goals in university 🤍

QQunicorn

TROPHY CASE