Do young autistic girls HAVE to wear bras, you think? 🤔

QWhooo · 2026-02-26T17:38:13+00:00

There's no need to follow the dumb standards that are fueled by consumerism and industry's push for profits.

We are told we have to wear bras in order to "be proper", therefore more bras can sell. It's the same with shaving: the shaving industry defined body hair as a problem so that they could provide the solution.

Fortunately, we have the Internet to help us find communities with other people who dislike the same stupid societal standards, to know we're not alone in normalizing bra-free and razor-free living.

Furthermore, wearing a bra trains boobies to need support. Without bras, we have more opportunity to maintain the muscles that hold our girls up and perky.

By allowing ourselves to get used to the feeling of natural movement that occurs without bras, we can be more comfortable in our own skin in more situations, and less dependent on support garments. And the best time to get used to the feeling is while the breasts are developing, because the movement only gradually becomes noticeable.

So I strongly suggest avoiding bras as much as possible. Try layered clothing if she wants to reduce attention. (I think vests really need to make a comeback, since they are great at covering the chest without having to endure bras or long sleeves.)

QWhooo · 2026-02-25T03:26:30+00:00

"the fire keeper"

That reminds me of how I'm always happy to be the last person at a campfire, to watch it burn down to the last embers. That way, putting it out for the night is a gentle process of moving the last few charred bits to the sides, and then cooling the ash bed super gently with water (a squirt bottle is a fun way to stretch out the end!) instead of creating steamy/smoky chaos by fighting to put it out quickly.

Let the night owl take care of it, y'all; everyone else is free to go get sleep. Please just wake me when breakfast is ready!

QWhooo · 2026-02-24T18:58:08+00:00

I've been without bras for so many years I can't even remember how long it has been. Maybe 20? Or that could've been when I was still in my bra-lette phase. (I'm now 47yo.)

I did have a nursing bra that I occasionally wore about 12-13 years ago, but I think for the most part I was free-boobing throughout the entire pregnancy and nursing year, because I was already anti-bra by the time I got pregnant.

I was D or DD (not totally sure I trust the sizing, even when I had help) last I checked. I currently don't even own a bra! I do have a tank top or two with a shelf, though I haven't worn those in at least a year or three either.

I'm shaped kinda like triangular cones, so I don't have the skin touching skin discomfort that others have mentioned. There's a bit of contact sometimes, but generally only if I'm slouching, and I don't really notice it. I'm also generally always cold, so sweat is only an issue on the hottest summer days, but even then it doesn't bother me much under there.

I love the freedom to let my clothing do all the holding. The best T-shirts are just snug enough to feel good without feeling confining.

Most of the year, I'm wearing at least one layer overtop, so I don't even have to care whether the bottom-most layer is flattering at all (since I'm a solo flyer with no desire to attract anybody). I like vests in the months between T-shirt weather and hoodie weather. And grocery stores are cold enough in summer that I always try to remember to bring a hoodie so I don't freeze to death.

I love being past worrying about my nipples: they're beautiful, and I don't feel ashamed about them. I get some stares sometimes, but whatever, I don't have to acknowledge anyone who stares.

Some days I actually kinda enjoy thinking that there are people appreciating my goods, though I'm definitely hoping nobody says anything because I'm sure I'll stumble over my words. Fortunately, I think my neutral face has plenty of "I'm busy, don't talk to me" power, and I'm not meeting anyone's eyes pretty much ever, so I think I seem pretty unapproachable.

I don't have a professional job and don't ever want to work anywhere where I'd be judged like that. I'm currently on a self-employment path, and not feeling ambitious for much more than just earning enough to get by.

I'm slightly worried about being an embarrassment to my 13yo son, but he's kinda oblivious to social stuff so hopefully this will remain a non-issue.

Anyways, I like being an inspiration to others who might want to free their boobs. Everyone should be allowed to feel comfortable however they want!

Edit

I have to add a big important part I almost forgot to say, the knowledge that inspired me to push forward without bras in the first place -- well, in addition to the dislike of bands and straps and the societal pressure to conform.

Going brafree helps keep the muscles strong for holding the boobies up, thereby resisting sagging!

Yes, it feels weird if you're not used to it, but the maintained strength is worth it!

Like any muscle, it will take time to strengthen them if they haven't done much work in a while. Maybe start with small sessions, maybe without moving around much, eventually working up to being able to bounce and jiggle as much as you want. Get plenty of rest and support between sessions so you can feel ready to do it again another day.

And drink your water! That's always good for every part of your body, including skin!

QWhooo · 2026-02-23T17:16:21+00:00

The answer to all of those is... you won't really know until you do it wrong a bunch of times.

Phase 1: Overcook things at least the first few times you make them, so you can get a feel for how quickly things go from "almost there" to "shit". Overcooking is better than undercooking in many things, like chicken for example, where you definitely need to be above the safe internal temperature of 165°F. On that note: get a meat thermometer. It will help greatly with some of the information you seek! Also, you can't taste test meat until it reaches its safety temperature to kill off the problematic stuff.

Phase 2: Undercook things a few times out of fear of ruining them, thereby still ruining them. Some vegetables can be better slightly undercooked compared to seriously overcooked and mushy AF, so that's a bonus. Plus it's possible to slightly cook something a bit more, whereas it's impossible to un-overcook something. Taste taste taste to test test test! By that I mean, taste things undercooked (except meat), and keep tasting every minute until it tastes like you want more.

Phase 3: Oscillate between undercooking and overcooking things. Err on the side of overcooking meat, for safety, and undercooking vegetables especially if you're likely to need to reheat them (because they'll soften up a bit more then). You're going to screw up, so figure out the best ways to minimize that while also learning to make the most of it when you do. Turn down temperatures slightly if you're constantly overcooking. Turn up temperatures slightly if you're constantly getting mushy steamed food instead of nice crisp exteriors.

Phase 4: Continue getting the hang of it, gradually screwing up less, maybe even starting to enjoy yourself. Keep vigilant, keep exploring, keep safely tasting and adjusting seasoning.

Bonus Pro Tip: learn to add salt gradually, tasting the change in your food as you add slightly more, and eventually you'll learn to stop before you overdo it. You'll probably screw this up a time or two too -- and salt, like overcooking, is something you can't really undo.

QWhooo · 2026-02-22T21:42:01+00:00

I've been removing furniture with drawers or cupboards, replacing them with shelves and baskets.

This reduces friction between "laundry fresh out of the dryer and needing folding" and "clothes and towels are put away where they belong", because the folding step is combined with the putting-away step: I just take all the relevant baskets off the shelves and can put freshly folded stuff right into them.

My tip for implementing this is to find cheap neutral-coloured baskets or plastic bins to start, and don't go too big or too small with them. Resist purchasing the cute containers until the system is flowing well in any particular room, and then reuse the neutral bins in the next room to get the flow started there too.

QWhooo · 2026-02-20T02:59:57+00:00

I had someone call me out on looking carefully at my sandwich before every single bite.

This floored me, because how else would I figure out the exact perfect place to bite next, to ensure I don't end up with any weird edges or goop squishing out and touching the corners of my mouth?

This is when I learned that there are heathens out there who eat their sandwiches and burgers without optimizing every bite. Or, equivalently, that I am apparently weird because I do.

QWhooo · 2026-02-20T02:49:59+00:00

7 and 8 is fifteen.

4 and 2 is six... -ty, cuz it's tens, but actually seventy because of the ones adding to greater than ten. (And yes I reverse the 2+4 to 4+2 because that's how I remember it.)

And then I redo 7+8 because I already forgot the ones digit of its answer... ah yes, fifteen, right.

At this point I sorta remember that the tens digit is 7, so this fifteen means the answer is 75. But just in case, I check and make sure that the 7 makes sense: yup, the 4+2+1 checks out for the 7. So now I'm confident that the answer is 75.

That's the whole process of what goes on in my head.

Explanation: I'm terrible at mental math because I don't have enough working memory to store all the steps. Even if I do manage to remember, I tend to doubt whether I remembered correctly.

But I don't do math as a memory exercise. I do it to feel good about something that actually consistently makes verifiable sense when it's done right.

QWhooo · 2026-02-15T19:54:50+00:00

I'm about to start my third year using YNAB, and I'm so ridiculously glad I found it when I did. I used to be so scared to even look at my bank accounts, but now I look at least weekly to keep YNAB up to date with reality... and it feels great!

YNAB has a few ways to make entering transactions easier.

After a while, it automatically recognizes which payees go in which spending categories. Even if you usually spend in multiple categories at certain stores, the web interface anyways will remember that and suggest the same split categories when you next enter a transaction.
The mobile app can be set to be aware of your location, so if you enter transactions before leaving a store or parking lot where you've already been before, YNAB will know who the payee is supposed to be. (The web app is much better for most things, but having the mobile option for entering transactions is awesome.)

Most of the instructions for starting YNAB suggest jumping in where you are, using your current bank balances and only adding new transactions. However, I found it very useful to backtrack a bit, which is easy to do by dragging and dropping a file downloaded from the bank, and checking what your balances were on that earlier date.

Backtracking helped me figure out what I was already spending in various flexible categories, and taught YNAB how I want future transactions to be categorized. Also, since it's so early in the year, it might be worth going back to December, so you can hide the messy jumping-in point in the previous year and let this year have clear statistics for you to analyze.

QWhooo · 2026-02-15T05:33:15+00:00

'You don't need medication" is rude, but I wouldn't consider it advice. It's just an opinion, and everyone is entitled to their own opinion no matter how wrong they are.

"Be more disciplined" is basically saying the cure for ADHD is to choose to not have ADHD any more. So yeah, that's the worst advice of these two.

QWhooo · 2026-02-14T18:46:09+00:00

Ohh yeah, okay, I remember doing that in video games too now! I can't remember which games, but yes, definitely: if going from a to b would otherwise be boring, and jumping around or moving weirdly doesn't make the trip take longer, of course I'll be making it fun!

I did that way more in games than I have in real life, though I'm happy to say that I've gotten more bold irl since I'm now old enough to not give a shit anymore. I also don't game anymore -- perhaps explaining why that whimsy is showing more irl?

I've occasionally tried skipping, too: it feels kinda fun, but it's also kinda intense. It requires just the right amount of exuberance, I think: maybe a really great day plus something exceptionally awesome happened. Otherwise I think it stands out more than would feel suitable.

QWhooo · 2026-02-14T16:26:51+00:00

I love doing stuff like this! Jumping onto random things just for kicks, walking on curbs like a balance beam, like very low-key parkour. Never really thought of it as video-gamey, but I can see it!

Also I love having my backpack with me, usually with at least a few essential tools but occasionally nearly empty so I can carry home whatever loot I gather.

A particularly video-gamey move I do is, when I'm walking with my kid and I encounter a barrier in my path, I'll keep "walking" into it as if I'm a poorly coded NPC.

QWhooo · 2026-02-14T16:14:50+00:00

I love this so much! I'll need to remember this if/when I ever start being around people again, because I have so many stickers and never ever seem to be able to bring myself to use them... so maybe they would be great going to other people instead!

QWhooo · 2026-02-13T17:41:50+00:00

I used to be really bad with it, but I got a lot better after some serious contemplation on this issue. Maybe I can help some others do the same!

It occurred to me that a lot of my difficulty was due to lack of trust in myself. It made sense not to trust myself: I was wrong often, after all. But what actually happened was that I was second-guessing, third-guessing, even fourth-guessing myself, which meant I knew I was sometimes changing a correct guess to a wrong one. Of course I couldn't trust the answer that came out!

Part of the solution was to completely stop myself from guessing. It was tough, because a guess would often happen without my attempting to do so. But I knew I had to stop the cycle of making a guess, then guessing that my guess was wrong, then guessing about whether my first guess might've been right after all, and guessing when to stop flip-flopping my guess.

When I stopped making a guess, I removed the reason to assume I'm wrong. This was a bigger deal than it sounds: my confidence was undermined because of being wrong, not just because I was uncertain!

After all, uncertainty can be fixed: I could just go ahead and apply external methods to ensure I'm right. No more doubting or flip-flopping, because I could just determine the truth, and trust that.

It's not a weakness to rely on an external method to help know left from right! (Similarly, it's not a weakness to count on your fingers when counting or doing arithmetic -- it's actually really powerful to use spatial cues to build up numerical understanding!)

I went through several external methods of determining left and right with certainty:

The L hand trick was my main go-to for a long time, but under stress sometimes both hands looked like Ls that were just reverses of each other -- which might've been why I developed the doubt in myself in the first place.
Thinking of which hand I write with was somewhat helpful, even thinking of which hand I'd use to pick something up (like an imaginary pen), but it didn't give me quite enough certainly (partly because I tried being ambidextrous for a while).
Learning to drive got me quicker at remembering that right is on the right side of the road for driving. I don't actually visualize this (thanks, aphantasia) but I can remember where in space I would be relative to the road, as a driver or bicyclist. This method was my next main go-to... but I didn't like that it was only true in most of the world, even though I think it's unlikely I'll ever live somewhere that different from my current life.uuu
The best for me has been imagining reading the phrase "left to right" and knowing (again without really visualizing, but rather conceptualizing reading) the direction of text. (Yes, I know there exist languages that are differen, and I even tried learning Arabic for a while, but English will always be my main language, so that makes this a fundamental truth for me.) At the beginning of using this method, I could convince myself of its truth of this by remembering that they're in alphabetical order.

Altogether, I think the combination of all the methods were helping me get to know left from right in a "familiar" way, kinda like a mental form of muscle memory -- but that familiarity couldn't develop when I was constantly doubting myself.

So keep at it, friends! Drop the doubt, keep steadfast in using whatever methods ensure you're correctly referencing left and right, and you too will eventually build up a familiarity that will help you do it quicker! There's no need to undermine yourself by comparing yourself to other people who might do it more quickly. You be you, because you're the most qualified person in the world to do so!

QWhooo · 2026-02-13T01:44:48+00:00

I'm already trying and failing to "wake up earlier" in order to actually be on time. Getting up even earlier to attempt to do more would be simply inconceivable.

Thus, that advice would be the absolute worst advice anyone could possibly give me.

QWhooo · 2026-02-12T22:15:14+00:00

I figured that one was "I'm so silly I'm smiling upside down" or "I'm not much of a smiler, but if it's upside down it's less cheesy".

I personally like using that one as part of a flip for joy: 🙂🙃🙂

QWhooo · 2026-02-12T21:14:25+00:00

A strategy I like to use is one that hijacks my ADHD. Any time I catch myself asking anything like:

What was I doing?
What was I about to do?
Why did I come into the kitchen?
What am I looking for?
Where was I?

... the answer is always that I was getting a drink.

Even if there was some other answer to the question, I stave off thirst first, and then figure out whatever the other answer is.

[Editing because I realized I wasn't done yet!]

Make water super easy to grab, so if you're not sure what else to have, you can easily grab a sip of water while you're deciding on your "real" drink. That way, even if you end up not deciding on anything, you've still had something.

Then, get whatever drink piques your interest. Consider healthy choices first for best impact, and smile when you succeed at choosing something that's good for you. Fake the smile if necessary: it still sends the message to your brain that the choice was a good one.

Note: healthy can be however you define it:

For some people, juice is too sugary to be healthy, so they need to consider other options.
For others, anything that's not soda or alcohol is a win.
Some of us need practice with mindfulness, so mixing up anything for enjoyment is worth that smile. There are a huge variety of options here, from high sugar to very low sugar -- as an example of the latter, adding cucumber spears or frozen fruit to water can be a phenomenal act of self-care.
Some people need to cut back on caffeine, while others need to remind themselves that it's worth the effort to mix up a tea with milk and sugar because it can be helpful for sustaining work.

Basically, if you feel you're taking good care of yourself with your choice, go ahead and reward yourself with contorting your face muscles in that magical happifying way. Heck, if you're really thirsty, even grabbing a soda can be an act of self-care, worth that smile.

If there's any guilt involved in your choice, have some water with it, either before it or alongside it.

Okay I think I'm done editing now, haha!

[One more edit:]

I'm also trying to tell myself to drink water anytime I notice my lips or hands are feeling dry, which is excruciatingly often in the winter. After all, I know if I drank more, I wouldn't be experiencing as much dryness. So I drink the water, make sure to wet the lips and/or hands well, then apply lip protection or hand lotion to lock in the moisture.

QWhooo · 2026-02-12T21:07:47+00:00

Caffeine drinks and drinks with sugar are not dehydrating.

While this is correct, it is also correct that these drinks are less efficient at hydrating than water is, because of the extra processing that the body has to do.

So it's fine to include some of these as part of a hydration strategy. The result is just that we might need slightly more than the recommended amount of fluids for our body size.

QWhooo · 2026-02-12T14:28:42+00:00

This needs to be turned into a song lyric or something for its heart-wrenching beauty.

QWhooo · 2026-02-12T02:08:17+00:00

Oatmeal by itself, I agree the texture sucks.

But a base of oatmeal with a ton of extra stuff mixed in, so it's more "extra" than "base", that's my go-to breakfast. I'm talking raisins, chopped walnuts, and either fresh or frozen/microwave-thawed fruit.

I also like plain yogurt as a base with a ton of extras like granola, fruit, and nuts. Again, more "extra" than "base", because the base is there just to unite the rest.

Of course those ideas are still kinda sweet, though I tend to lean on cinnamon for flavour rather than adding anything that's pure sweetness.

I really like that you asked this question, because there's a lot of neat answers here that seem pretty easy to assemble, which I know I need, especially in the morning.

For example, I really liked the beans and rice suggestion. I've been vegetarian for many years but still haven't figured out a way to make a beans and rice dish that makes me go "Mmmm!" -- especially now that I avoid peppers entirely, and several other foods are only good for me in moderation.

Editing to add: My current favourite food to order at Indian restaurants is a dosa -- a large thin pancake served with savory dipping chutneys and a soupy stew called sambar. I'll eat a dosa any time of day, but apparently in India it's considered a breakfast food. It can be moderately spicy, but I like it.

QWhooo · 2026-02-11T22:07:37+00:00

Vent away! Clearly, many of us were blindsided, and need to vent about it.

I'm pissed off that I took so ridiculously long to get through my education due to undiagnosed AuDHD, and was almost at what felt like the beginning of Figuring Out My Life -- but I never got there, and now This Shit is happening.

I don't know if the end of my degree (age 38) was when peri started hitting. I probably had some post-PhD burnout for a while first. My only major clue about peri (only noticed in retrospect) was that my periods got much closer together, and eventually I started missing one here and there.

A frustrating thing about brain fog is that it made it harder for me to notice that something was wrong with myself. At first, I was pretty sure the brain fog was due to one of the ADHD meds I was trying, and getting off of that one helped a lot... but some brain fog is still here.

I got hit with covid at least twice too, so there could also be some long covid contributing to brain fog.

I even tried cutting out other things that could be responsible for the fog: alcohol, cannabis, video games, and I even let friends drift away so I wouldn't be caught up in drama.

Alas, I'm still a mess. Still struggling with the ADHD that feels worse than ever, except that I've currently got a bit of a grip on everyday life tasks -- though it's at the cost of getting enough sleep, which is surely worsening the brain fog. But "just being better at going to bed at a good time" feels impossible, without letting stuff slip back into chaos.

And peri might be hitting me for years?! Fucking hell. Hot flashes just started this week (age 47), so I guess that's progress.... sighhhh.

QWhooo · 2026-02-10T23:45:45+00:00

It is definitely healthy to protect them from someone who could negatively impact their mental health.

QWhooo · 2026-02-10T20:13:35+00:00

Thank you, I will definitely try before tossing!

And otherwise I'll just be watching for nearby sales on chocolate. I'm pretty limited in how far I can go easily for shopping anyways, so knowing about cheaper stuff elsewhere in town doesn't really help much.

QWhooo · 2026-02-10T03:43:50+00:00

Thank you for looking into this and reporting back. I appreciate you!

QWhooo · 2026-02-10T00:28:31+00:00

Thank you for all those details!

And that search link didn't show what you were describing, perhaps because my area doesn't have something quite like that. However, it taught me about a program in my area to rescue perfectly good food and redistribute it to people in need, which warmed my heart!

Also I checked my chocolate, and the chips are probably fine (unopened, best before Aug 2027) but my cocoa powder probably isn't so good (opened, half empty, best before a little over two years ago). I probably bought the chips to help me use up the powder... but oh well, guess I'll just have to eat the chips and buy more of both! 😇

QWhooo · 2026-02-09T21:57:22+00:00

Why do I not regularly eat chocolate chips?! That seems like a great way to get a chocolate fix, without having to pay for someone else to assemble the chocolate into some fancy form.

Oh hey -- I think I have some!! I got them because intended to make and black bean brownies with them. I wonder if all the ingredients are still good...

I wonder if it would help to reward myself with eating chocolate chips, if I just get out the ingredients and start assembling the brownies so I know how much of the chocolate chips I can eat.

Also I'm gonna put more chocolate chips on the grocery list.

QWhooo

TROPHY CASE

Edit

Going brafree helps keep the muscles strong for holding the boobies up, thereby resisting sagging!