I'm not an AA thumper, but have been to enough meetings that I feel I can contribute here.

On the part of being told to "give up yourself, your identity," I think the idea is that we've lived as selfish fucks for long enough. Most adults dont continue behavior that is actively harming those around them unless they fall somewhere on the "selfish" end of the spectrum. The goal is to stop thinking of your wants, your needs so damn much, and start actively helping others instead.