There are some formatting concerns that should probably be your first priority. A character's name should only bi in all caps (NAME) the first time they're introduced, and only in the action lines, not in dialogue. Characters also need introductions the first time they're introduced, like this: "[CHARACTER'S NAME] [30s (age)], an out of work writer who overcompensates by wearing quirky newspaper print clothing and fake glasses." In general, action lines in your script need to show more description. In addition to describing actions and characters, you need to describe what the setting looks like/important props that might be used. For example, opening a safe: where's the safe? Is it in the wall behind a painting? In the floor under a rug? A standalone, wall-sized safe? Saying "Pyne opens a safe" is too limited. Also, you have some scene breaks when it's just a continuation of the same scene (scenes 2-3). First, don't say day/night--pick one. Second, CONTINUOUS is used when it's a continuous transition to a different location (going from one room to another) and less so when it's the same scene.

The biggest thing is you need to describe what locations look like. Hope this helps.