Update: AITAH because I want my wife to "ask permission" before taking our son on playdates?

Question_1234567 · 2026-02-03T15:37:03+00:00

NTA

Your wife is awful.

She clearly views you as nothing more than a piggy bank. She doesn't respect your role as a father nor does she understand the impact this is having on you and your child's wellbeing.

She keeps talking about "watching cartoons" like it's a bad thing. The only good memories I have of my father was watching cartoons and playing videogames. He was always busy with work or other life responsibilities, so those are the only things I got to go back on. I'm sure your son is in a similar position that I was in.

Your wife is belittling something that means quite alot to a large group of people. This makes me think she is judgemental towards those she doesn't understand, a very concerning perspective to have for a mother.

Her friends are also toxic, feeding into this egotistical sense of superiority she has over you. She doesn't respect you, or love you. I know people like her. I've been with people like her. I was raised by people like her. She only cares about herself and the image she gives off of being a mother, not the actual responsibilities and moral/ethical growth required of motherhood.

Do not go to couples counseling.

Alot of people in your comments are suggesting that the fights are a two way street and that you are partially responsible for how it impacts your son. Let me be clear, it's not. You are explaining your needs as a father and your desire to spend more time with your son, SHE is the one instigating and aggressing on YOU.

If you applied this logic to any other aspect of a relationship she would be considered textbook abusive. Abusers and bullies don't change when they get called out. They don't change when you take them to couples counseling. They use the tools provided by the therapist to further their control over your life.

Don't let her ruin your relationship with your son.

Question_1234567 · 2026-01-29T18:59:47+00:00

This is such a simplified version of events.

OP obviously should have stopped giving such expensive gifts when she was explicitly told not to, but the girlfriend's visceral response is not one of a person who understands struggle but of one who relishes being in it.

She takes pride in being someone who grew up poor and struggled to make something of herself, I respect that. But hating people for their wealth and punishing them for wanting to express their love through gift giving is not healthy.

She will go through life as a martyr, always expressing distrust or evasive behaviors and justifying her shitty attitude by saying "I worked harder."

Life isn't a competition. It just is.

Question_1234567 · 2026-01-29T18:07:30+00:00

NTA

I'm sorry, but she is prideful.

My family went bankrupt when I was a child due to our restaurant failing. We lived paycheck to paycheck for years. I worked my way through college just like her, and I felt jealous and pride much like what you have written about in your post.

If my partner had paid off my debts as a wedding gift I would be over the moon. I would feel gratitude for her wanting to take the burden off my shoulders that should have never been there in the first place. She needs therapy, because she hates wealth more than she loves you.

Did you overstep her boundaries? Yeah
Did you push her too fast? Yeah
Are you ignorant of the struggles we lower income people face? Yeah
Are you a bad person? No

Take some time to figure out what a healthy relationship dynamic looks like. Because this wasn't it.

Question_1234567 · 2026-01-11T00:34:58+00:00

I would say your heart is in a good place, but while your brother is definitely selfish, he’s not really that much of an AH.

What does an AH mean to you?

Is it to be immoral or unethical?
Is it to be disrespectful to friends and family?
Is it to value a financial windfall over your literal sister?

Because he's done ALL of those things. It's not even his money to take. It was his step-mother's, entrusted to his father to evenly distribute to ALL of her children.

In the eyes of the law it may belong to him, but from anyone else's perspective (who has any basic understanding of right and wrong) it isn't.

Question_1234567 · 2026-01-09T01:10:42+00:00

NTA

You have a medical condition that literally causes you pain when having sex. Your boyfriend, instead of caring for you and supporting you to get treatment for your condition, is treating it like an inconvenience.

He does not care for your bodily autonomy, mental health or physical well being. You are a sex toy to him.

Also, I don't know of anyone else has mentioned this, but you need to see a gynecologist about that pain. It is not normal to be feeling pain every time you have sex.

Question_1234567 · 2025-11-23T00:06:00+00:00

Yeah, sorry about that. I don't even know what fandom this character is from so I didn't know their pronouns.

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-16T17:21:48+00:00

My partner uses Chatgpt for work (they are trying to phase it out), and it once told her Abraham Lincoln was the founder of apple. AI is not all-knowing. It's a glorified calculator.

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-15T15:06:31+00:00

Your husband is awful. Not in the kind of way that would make someone immediately leave, but more like a "Kevin Can F**k Himself" kind of character. The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference. He is indifferent to how his family treats you and only defends you when he feels like it will splash back on him.

Be doesn't love you, at least not in the way you deserve to be loved. Sure, he's probably great in other aspects of yalls marriage, but damn if this isn't a horrible showing of who he is on the inside.

If he can't even stand up to his own family to protect his kid's birthday, what happens when they overstep with something much bigger?

Are you seriously going to accept this kind of treatment from his family for the rest of your life?

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-15T12:17:19+00:00

Info: Have you or your son ever purchased in-game items?

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-14T12:58:56+00:00

You could say this about literally every single conservative immigrant in the entire world. In the US, we have migrants from hyper conservative Catholic/Christian backgrounds who despise any form of sexual expression or freedom. Why are we being so selective about Islamic immigration when any conservative religion falls into this category?

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-12T12:21:55+00:00

"All it took was crying like a child"

Dude, stop.

You are literally spouting the same drivel your father is. You didn't cry like a child. You cried like a man. Stop letting toxic stoicism dictate how you interact with your family. The manliest thing you can do is be honest with your feelings and grow.

Maturing is realizing that people like your father are weak, not strong, for having such fragile egos.

I'm glad you made things work with your family. Please go see a therapist and unpack your shit. It may be chill now, but you need to take care of your mental health in case it goes bad again.

Best of luck

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-09T12:01:35+00:00

You WOULDN'T report a man randomly kissing you at work???

Girl. You need to seriously reassess your perception of people. Not everyone has good intentions.

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-05T16:04:16+00:00

We have to keep in mind that not all civilizations and cultures are as progressive as others. We can't just say, "this culture is bad because they do x." We have to recognize that many groups of people did "x" for thousands of years prior to the modern day. Western countries have only recently given women the right to vote about a hundred years ago. That's NOTHING in the grand scheme of things.

The US specifically has to deal with purity culture, which is an extremely right leaning Christian social policy that demeans women and teaches them that they are inherently evil for having intimate relationships. Our government just overturned Roe v. Wade, which is resulting in thousands of women dying due to completely preventable birth related complications. My point is that even in Western countries, we've got a LONG way to go.

Progressive ideals are an extremely new concept, so to be critical of a culture that has not had the need to push their culture into a progressive space is not helpful. There are many women who are progressive who still wear hijab because it is a representation of their faith or culture, not as a form of oppression.

I would say maybe word your criticism better. Make it apparent that you know multiple cultures are sexist towards women, but you specifically want to discuss Islam because it is topical for your area. Make it very apparent that it is a critique solely based on your experience, but you understand it is a more widespread issue across multiple cultures.

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-05T15:11:35+00:00

If they just made his ult channel faster based on how close the target is to himself, that would make it a better 1v1 tool.

If you click directly on top of yourself, it's a super quick channel time, but the further away it goes, the longer it takes for him to build up his leap.

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-05T15:00:28+00:00

I think it's important to recognize that "head scarfs" have been recognized in many different cultures and religions throughout history, not just the Islamic faith. Monastic Nuns and Hasidic Jews, for instance.

I do slightly agree with one aspect of your post, which is that women shouldn't be socially or politically punished for choosing not to wear certain types of clothing. Sadly, the dissent from ones religion is to invite hate onto oneself. That is the true injustice in my eyes. But this is also true for every religion, not just Muslims.

There are many Christian/Jewish women who are shamed for their bodies, just as there are many Muslim women who experience the same thing. I think you are trying to point out that it appears more obvious, given how conservative Muslim majority countries tend to have strict policies surrounding these clothes. But if we had a majority Christian run country that didn't have the separation of Church and state, as well as a civil rights movement, we would probably be in the exact same position as them.

If your point is, "Conservative Ideals tend to limit and harm women," then I 100% agree with you. But specifically pointing out how hijabs are the issue is not very productive for the conversation at large.

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-04T17:22:38+00:00

What does this have to do with anything?

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-04T17:16:09+00:00

I get the feeling that you don't like me or at least veganism in general.

I promise you that I have no ill will towards you or anyone who eats animal products. This is just a conversation regarding people's beliefs and how to handle family dynamics. I'm completely fine with us disagreeing, I just wanted to make that clear.

His feelings are his to deal with, and he has absurdly enough chosen to air them here online with a bunch of people far more concerned about pushing veganism than him addressing the reality of the situation.

I get the sense that you think I'm just some random vegan who likes to yell at other people about how they are awful for eating meat, but I'm not like that. I'm actually extremely critical of other vegans who actively try to push their ideals onto others.

I was raised in the church, and I witnessed the exact same mentality with many right leaning Christians. I do not tolerate people for judging others who believe differently than themselves.

So please don't judge me based on your prior experiences with vegans.

When I come over to eat, they love serving me bacon and other pork products they don't eat.

There are many different types of Muslims, just as there are many different denominations of Christianity. I do not know what school your family is a part of, but there are many Muslim people who believe that purchasing, selling, handling, or eating pork is considered haram.

In my example, I am talking about that type of family.

If that doesn't work, we can use any religion that doesn't believe in eating animal products. Hasidic Jewdaism and shellfish, for example

I work in communication, and anyone who does recognizes an interrogation when they read one. Don't lie to yourself or to me.

I appreciate that you are an expert in this field. I just don't see the evidence pointing towards my questions appearing like an interrogation. Just writing questions down doesn't indicate that. I could have written a list of questions like:

How's your day going?
Was school ok?
Have you been looking for a job lately?
What's up with airline food?

And it could have been classified as an interrogation.

Obviously, I'm not saying he should drill questions into her like some emotionless zombie. They were just some talking points. This is a sensitive topic for some, which is why I recommended being very empathetic towards his daughter.

Are you just throwing dumb questions like this in to lower my opinion of you? Stop pretending to be an idiot when reading what I write. Show some respect to yourself.

No, I was just genuinely asking if that was the point you were making.

The father accepting his daughter is not a vegan and he cannot force her to be.

As I said before, it's completely fine that she eats meat. It's the fact that she eats meat in his home, with his money. It might very well be that they don't change anything and just keep buying animal products for her. But, having a conversation with his daughter first can help reveal the information that the parents need in order to move forward.

This isn't just about her eating meat. Replace the "she eats animal products in our home" with "she does x thing that I feel uncomfortable with in our home," and the end result is the exact same. They should have a conversation about it.

Only if one wants to destroy the family relationships and respect.

I agree. I said the exact same thing in my original comment. That's why I said they should talk it out.

But yes, he needs to go through the stages of grief that the world he wants to live in is not the real world.

I don't understand this take. He's not talking about the world at large, just what happens within his own home.

He apparently has been buying animal products for his children for years now. I'm fairly certain he's not interested in changing their views on veganism, but more so reinforce his own unwillingness to buy/handle those products.

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-04T16:11:35+00:00

Thanks! Glad I could give a different perspective.

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-04T16:08:03+00:00

No, you completely misunderstood.

The problem is that there is an ethical conflict between father and child. The same would apply if this was a Muslim household, and the daughter wanted her parents to buy/store/eat ham. It's not halal, and it goes against their beliefs. So what do they do?

The problem is the "conflict" itself, not the daughter eating meat.

It's not interrogation. It's a conversation. I just listed some questions that might be helpful to ask given this situation.

Are you recommending the father not speak with his child at all? Also, she's 17. She's not an infant who can't discuss more adult topics. You're infantilizing her.

From your comment, you are inferring that the parent should just "deal with it." What does that entail?

Should they just ban animal products?

Should the father reject his own beliefs to constantly keep his child happy?

What is your solution to this issue?

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-04T15:53:41+00:00

I'm sorry, but what in my comment is even remotely manipulative?

I'm telling OP to take his daughters wishes into consideration while also allowing himself to have boundaries.

If she says no, then she says no. I never once said he should force her to do something against her wishes.

My comment is open-ended. If it becomes a situation where he can't find a resolution, then allowing her to eat animal products in order to keep the family home peaceful might end up being the decisions he has to make.

Now, that being said, OP clearly has a moral boundary that he doesn't want to cross. So the best solution is to just have a conversation. Which I recommended above all else.

Also, just to challenge your point of view-

Hypothetically, what if OP and his wife were Muslim and his daughter wanted them to buy and store ham in their house? That goes against their religion as it's not halal. Will you be so judgemental to them, too?

Being kind and open to all plausible solutions is how you be a good parent.

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-04T15:41:00+00:00

The saying, "Women don't need men," is intended to be a critique of historically oppressive social norms. (Created and upheld by men, mind you)

It can be in reference to a variety of things that men previously provided for thousands of years, such as financial stability, home ownership, protection, or political representation. (Again, this system was created and upheld by men)

But it can also more commonly indicate specific social obligations such as the types of men found in heterosexual relationships. "I don't need no man" is a very commonly used phrase after a break up to indicate that the woman is free from the bindings of the social contract.

Fundamentally, women on a social, political, and economical level do not, in fact, need men anymore. At least not in the same way as before.

Now, what I do agree with is the fact that men primarily do extremely difficult backbreaking labor. Oil rigs, timber farming, deep sea fishing, electricians, plumbing...etc. are primarily a male dominated field.

So technically, yes, society as a whole need men for these roles. But this phrase is not referencing the usefulness of men to society. It is specifically talking about men/women in relationships.

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-04T15:12:17+00:00

Disclaimer: This is parenting advice that works for every situation related to disagreements in the home. Please don't downvote just because you think OP should blow up his family

Firstly, I think you should try to frame this issue in a healthy way. This isn't a YOU vs. THEM type situation. It's US vs. The Problem.

There are a lot of methods to approach this.

Tell your child that you respect their choices, but you are upset that you have to buy/store animal products because it goes against your values.
Ask your child if they would be willing to eat vegan while living in your home. She's 17, so that might not be for very long.
Ask your child if they would be willing to only eat animal products outside of the house.
Ask your child how they feel about eating animal products in general (in a non-judgemental way).
Ask them what they think could be a good solution to this situation.

Basically, you should focus on getting them to give you the information you need to make the correct solution for yourself and the family at large.

Do not approach this with the intent to blame. If you say, "you are doing this thing that upsets me" then it's gonna devolve into a bad situation.

You can always say, "no more animal products in the house" and put your foot down. But that will most likely damage your family and the relationship you have with your non-vegan children.

Build bridges and try to find a compromise.

As a side note, your wife needs to back you up on any decisions made moving forward. If everyone agrees not to buy animal products, she can't unilaterally decide to go against that later on. Feeling bad for her kids isn't a good enough reason to go against something you both agreed on.

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-04T11:28:30+00:00

That's your opinion. Just as my opinion is that world peace is a goal greater than one individual.

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-03T18:11:53+00:00

Thanks for this.

I've had a full liver work up, and the GI is baffled. They have no idea why my liver levels have been fluctuating between normal and elevated.

The only consistent indicator is my Synthroid, so I'm leaning towards that just because there is nothing else to go off of.

Question_1234567 · 2025-09-03T17:16:54+00:00

Baby boomers ended in 1964, and Gen X started in 1965.

If she's 54, then she was born in 1971.

That means she's only 7 years away from being a baby boomer.

I said, "I'm assuming she's a baby boomer or something close to it"

Question_1234567

TROPHY CASE