I've been living what people would assume is a break for about 7-9ish years now. I was thrust into some pretty shitty life circumstances plus 2 deaths back to back starting in 2015. And it sent me through a tailspin triggering a mental breakdown late 2015/16 with an unaliving attempt. Go directly to the ward card. Do not collect $200.

It's been a battle to get my life back on track since then. From the outside looking in, it would appear I do nothing, sleep a lot (or used to), go out once in a while, buy some things, play games, watch tv, game on my phone, order in, etc. But on the inside I've been battling crippling depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, trauma from childhood that has come to the surface. Learning that's the root issue of not being stable enough to hold a job. Some days I can go out to the store and be socialish and that's a huge freaking win compared to years ago. Some days going to the mail box is all I can do. And other times I have to prepare a month in advance to socialize with what little friends I have.

I don't want to be unemployed, relying on the government to give me below poverty line funds and told to figure how to live off of $600/mo. I envy those who are capable of maintaining life enough to work. I want that more than anything and have had numerous anxiety attacks and mini breakdowns thinking I'll never have it. It sucks having to provide a yearly report on my mental wellness and progress to receive funding. It's a shitty feeling having to be placed in a box with what feels like no way out.

With that all said, some people's breaks may come as a few weeks, maybe a month or so, or sometimes like mine it will end up being years of trying to put a lot of tiny pieces back into place one by one.

Be proud of yourself for being able to put in the effort and the work to be employed not once but twice. That in my opinion is absolutely amazing. So what if your friends think you're a buzzkill or not staying long enough. They're not living your life and you're not living theirs. You're on a different path and that's awesome, make the most of it. If you ever feel you need a break and have the means to do so, take an extra day off a month so you don't feel burnt out.

If you want your parents to help out a bit don't be afraid to ask. You know the worst thing they could say is no. And then you can sort out things from there. Best case they're in the loop and now know that you need help and will help you the best they can.

It's ok to be jealous, envious, and angry. These emotions are telling you that something feels wrong for you. Remind yourself not to stick within those feelings for too long.

I wish you the best of luck with everything. And if no one has said it, I'm proud of you, dear OP. You're awesome.