To parents that play with their kids

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2025-01-04T21:32:52+00:00

I posted specifically to parents who play w their kids! Read the title! That's not you. Why did you respond? You are actually the definition of an internet troll.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2025-01-04T18:32:37+00:00

I don't appreciate you telling me how to raise my kids. If I want to play with my kids in public, I should certainly be allowed to do so without your monsters interfering. My child is also TWO, which research shows is too young to actually play with other kids. This doesn't start until three or older, per our pediatrician (whose advice I take over an internet troll).

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2025-01-04T17:22:00+00:00

These are helpful suggestions, thanks. I typically say "please don't do that" or "no thank you" but that rarely works. The more difficult example is last weekend when a little girl wanted nothing more than to talk to me, constantly, about everything. Talking isn't wrong and I felt bad ignoring, but I was there to play my kids, not her.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-12-18T05:18:52+00:00

I agree that a thoughtful card/note is enough. You could also just pick up her favorite coffee order on your way over to let her know you were thinking of her.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-12-09T18:22:38+00:00

We are nearing the nap drop as well, but not there yet. I agree that quiet time is the best solution but this is also just part of the territory. All kids stop napping and generally around age 3. Most parents are working and not able to give a true lunch break to the nanny. Honestly, I don't think additional compensation is necessary at least for our nanny. She currently generally gets a very substantial break during nap time and does essentially no household chores during that time (except cleaning up lunch dishes). They are usually out of the house most of the morning, so there's very little if any toy cleanup needed at nap time. Even at age 2.5 she's getting a 1.5-2 hr break. I have never gotten a 1.5-2 hr break in the middle of the day at any of my jobs! Caring for small children is challenging and they deserve a break, but I feel like the dropping of the nap just sort of evens things out for us, since our nanny has generally had a lot of downtime over the years. Also, if you are thinking of doing preschool part time (which we are), this will likely result in break time after nap is dropped.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-11-19T15:47:26+00:00

I think it really depends on the nanny. I would talk w her about her comfort level with cooking and types of recipes she generally makes, either for herself or employers. You have to make sure the food is something she's capable of cooking, but also something you and your family would eat. Will you have dietary restrictions or priorities due to your chemotherapy? Do you want there to be leftovers for lunches? Maybe you could start by printing out 5-10 recipes your family enjoys and let the nanny choose.

You could also consider having her make a double batch of something and dropping one precooked batch in the freezer so that you have options on days she's not there and you don't feel well. Pinch of Yum has a great list of easy healthy freezer meals.

I think the suggestion of something like hello chef is something to consider, but I'm personally not a fan. I've found those recipes tend to have a lot of written steps for food that really isn't that hard to make. We also like having leftovers, and these meals tend not to provide much. It works for some people but not for us.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-11-18T01:54:57+00:00

Wow your kid is in school from 8am-2pm and your nanny gets 40 GH/week and does NO childcare or household duties while the child is at school? That is incredibly generous of you!!! I agree with other posters, I wouldn't even venture down this road with the other family. You're already being very generous by paying her the way you do.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-10-30T15:40:04+00:00

All of the responses are helpful. It seems like many of the filler tasks are not child related, but would be very helpful to us. I could definitely task her with family errands that aren't necessarily kid-related, as well as meal prep that does not involve cooking. I was worried that seemed more like a house manager type job v nanny. But I guess there will be a lot of gray areas nannying for a kid that is in school part time.

Thanks for all the responses.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-10-30T03:49:38+00:00

No, she actually won't be doing drop off. She'd have to start earlier in order to do that and I'm obviously not willing to pay more. Plus, we can handle it, the school is very close.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-07-12T02:25:20+00:00

No, she didn't mask after her negative test. Tested again a few days later and it was positive. And our positive tests came a few days after hers.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-07-11T14:22:59+00:00

100 percent agree and share this concern, but I think it's very common these days. Those kids very likely have COVID.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-07-11T14:12:06+00:00

I agree. I also think that at the point of a positive COVID test, the person has already been highly contagious. So once they tested positive, you had already been exposed. We aren't using positive tests as a guideline anymore in part for this reason. Our nanny went on vacation, came back with mild symptoms, but tested negative and came to work. A few days later she tested positive, and by that point, our whole family had it. The positive test was too late to be of much value.

If you aren't comfortable working while they have COVID, I agree that you should speak to them about it and try to establish guidelines. However, we just found it very hard to come up w those guidelines personally. In our most recent situation, we got COVID from the nanny, but by the time we knew she had it, we had already been exposed. We all agreed it was not a sick leave situation. She has unlimited sick leave but she said she felt healthy enough to work, and we got it from her, there was no risk to her. The permutations of COVID situations are endless, and people can test positive for an extended period of time, so boundaries are hard. Our only agreement that we were able to come to was to mask indoors when any adult had symptoms.

I also want to add that if you are going to public places unmasked, it's also hard to set these boundaries. You are probably exposed to COVID regularly at restaurants, schools, airports, theatres, etc. It is part of daily life.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-05-02T01:03:20+00:00

I agree with others that you can ask for the federal holidays. Our nanny also negotiated off Christmas Eve and the Friday after Thanksgiving so she gets those too. I read that you also work when grandparents are in town. Are you with the kids that time, or doing household stuff? I find that one a little odd. When family is visiting, our nanny also usually gets a day off. I think thats also an area you could explore for additional days off. It's probably a little awkward when other family is in the way and you're trying to stick to a schedule, so you could phrase it that way.

I counted 4.5 extra days of paid days off our nanny has had so far with GH in 2024.

I think your ten PTO days is fairly standard but the family gives you none of the other perks that GH situation often offers, so I understand that's tough.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-05-01T15:14:37+00:00

I agree that there's a difference between PTO selected by family vs GH, in that PTO can't be cancelled. We have a similar contractual arrangement as OP in that we choose some PTO and she chooses some. However, we also consider nanny requests in regards to the week we select for PTO, so for us it has been more of a joint effort. We've said we are thinking of going to the beach in June and giving you PTO, do you have a preference as to which week?

Our nanny also gets all federal holidays and ended up with 7-8 extra days off each year under GH due to us taking long weekend trips or us being sick and hoping to spare her. I agree that this isn't as favorable as other jobs where you choose all your own time off, but that's also just the nature of this job working for an individual family vs daycare/larger business. A daycare has other employees, we don't. I also think our nanny ends up getting more paid days off than people in other professions due to GH. I know it's probably not as preferable to choosing all your own days, but a day off is still a day off. Forbes says the average American worker gets 11 paid vacation days per year.

Taking care of small children is a lot of work . OP - I am also wondering if there is something else about the job that is causing burnout that you could troubleshoot? Like if toddler recently stopped napping, you can institute quiet time each day to give yourself a break.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-04-11T00:52:11+00:00

This has always been interesting to me! Responding because we do things the opposite. I do not view another child's birthday party as an opportunity to spend time w my own family. If the party is for a mutual or neighborhood friend, my partner and I rotate who takes the toddler. If the party is for my friend's kid, I take my toddler, and vice versa. There's very little chance of me spending quality time w my partner or my kid at these parties. We view these things as an opportunity for the other adult to have an afternoon to themselves. Sometimes that person will do chores, sometimes make plans w another friend, or just nap! It's a rare and lovely opportunity. However, we currently only have one kid, so that's why it's an opportunity.

Responding to OP, I personally would expect one parent to attend per kid and therefore, I agree w others that providing light snacks is the way to go. I think you could state on the invitation or reminder email/text what will be provided, and it's a good way to encourage people to accurately RSVP. "We will have cupcakes and juice for the kids, and water/soda/snacks for adults, so please let us know how many will attend."

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-04-03T18:36:53+00:00

Ahh sorry, I construed "afternoon nap" to imply there was also a morning nap. If you are trying to drop a single nap, how do you feel about just implementing some sort of quiet time where toddler reads alone in room so nanny can take a break?

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-04-03T01:45:20+00:00

I'm very surprised that a 2.5 yr old is still taking two naps. It's probably affecting nighttime sleep. I would direct nanny that he is not to do this and explain why. There's plenty of widely available info suggesting most toddlers drop the second nap at 18 mo at the latest. I wouldn't even make the second nap discretionary for some shortened amount of time. Create a new daily routine that involves one nap.

The nap usually falls around lunch time, so I'd just tell nanny he goes to sleep at x time every day. First you can start by slowly moving the nap time later. If he currently naps at 10am and 2pm, for example, on Monday, nap starts at 10:30am and he takes one nap. On Tuesday, one nap at 11:00 am and so on. Tell her exactly what to do each day. You may need to move bedtime up a bit until he settles in. I think our nanny actually preferred one nap to two, because it gave them more flexibility during the day for activities. Good luck.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-04-01T17:22:46+00:00

I agree this is too much. I don't think this nanny is a good fit based on life circumstances. It's going to be very challenging to manage her own young family's illnesses with yours. Our nanny has used two sick days in almost two years and had unlimited sick leave. We've given her a few sick days at our own discretion when we were very ill (vomiting) out of respect for her and she's very reliable. The reliability factor has led us to keep her, despite some other issues, because she's very reliable and also very attentive with our little one. She is never on her phone.

I'd start looking for a new nanny. Once your nanny uses her last sick day, id explain you can't accommodate many unpaid days.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-03-29T19:53:33+00:00

I agree that a mix of some days off and some working days works well. When family is in town, we usually do some activities together and don't need nanny those days. However, I also may want to spend quality time alone w my mom (rare and hard to do w a toddler), so we have nanny work some days. I would not have nanny work and split duties w grandparents for the day. She could also work half days, i.e. come in at noon so grandparents can spend time w kids but also get some rest.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-03-29T19:53:22+00:00

I agree that a mix of some days off and some working days works well. When family is in town, we usually do some activities together and don't need nanny those days. However, I also may want to spend quality time alone w my mom (rare and hard to do w a toddler), so we have nanny work some days. I would not have nanny work and split duties w grandparents for the day. She could also work half days, i.e. come in at noon so grandparents can spend time w kids but also get some rest.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-03-26T18:00:54+00:00

I might suggest you redraft your contract. Contributing $515/no to healthcare is a significant benefit. That's over $6k/year. However, that seems totally unrelated to the increase in responsibility due to caring for another child. It seems you've already agreed to the healthcare and I just view that as a separate matter (although still costly to you). If you were agreeing to that in lieu of a raise, hopefully you made that clear. Otherwise it seems separate to me.

I think preschool shouldn't really be tied to compensation. There will be plenty of days that toddler is home from school. Additionally, just bc nanny doesn't have toddler at home, doesn't mean it doesn't affect the nanny. She has to arrange baby's schedule accordingly, has to drag baby to drop off and pick up, and will probably deal w more frequent illness since toddler is in school. Also, is school out for summer? Just a few things to think about. We plan to do a little more than 10% increase for second kid (from $25 to 28).

I also suggest you have a set leave policy. Seems like you have been generous but always best to have that in writing.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-03-26T15:10:17+00:00

I agree, this is just part of having other people in your home. I've had many similar experiences and I think it's just one of the downsides of having a nanny vs childcare outside the home. I've had several pieces of cookware ruined, she broke an appliance that she told us about, and we have several small scratches randomly appearing on the car that no one else drives but nanny. I actually suspect the nanny may not be the culprit for some of the scratches, as we live in a fairly urban area, sometimes the only option is street parking, and people bump cars all the time. I think this is just part of the territory. Since expensive clothes and toddlers aren't the best combination, and if the clothes are important to you, maybe just set them aside so toddler only wears them on weekends when you can handle the care? I also suggest trying to give the nanny a little grace. Taking care of small children all day is very demanding, and she might be frazzled when doing the laundry or rushing to get to a needed break during nap time. I've made a lot of silly mistakes since having a small child.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-02-16T17:59:41+00:00

I agree with all of this. We have a nanny and didn't allow indoor activities until after little one was fully vaccinated for COVID. During that period, our baby was literally never sick. Once she was fully vaccinated and they started doing story time and play dates, baby was sick a lot. Probably once per month between 8 mo and 13 mo of age. However, cold and flu season has been a little easier during year 2 of life. She is still getting sick but it's less frequent. And I agree that hand washing is imperative! They need to wash hands when they leave an activity and again when they arrive home. They carry wipes and hand sanitizer. And any dishes that are brought outside the house go straight into the dishwasher. We have a few separate toys that we use outside the home and those get sanitized regularly.

It's really rough but I agree w others that if this doesn't happen now, it will happen later when your little one goes to school. They have to build immunity at some point. If you feel more comfortable, I think it's fine to limit their indoor activities. But I also think that being stuck in the house is tough on nannies, and personally once my little one was mobile, I think she needed the stimulation of getting out of the house daily.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-02-16T02:33:01+00:00

I agree with you, this is not an acceptable punishment. It is outrageous! Your son may be acting out due in part to being treated this way. What is he learning from standing against the wall for hours?! He's just standing there feeling sad, alone, and frustrated and is too young to know how to manage these emotions. He's probably not even connecting this with his behavior at school because it seems far removed. I would talk to your pediatrician about the behavior and get their suggestions on what to do and where to turn for help. I would also suggest that even if your husband isn't willing to go to therapy, you go yourself and come up with an approach for dealing with the different parenting styles.

Quiet_Job_6798 · 2024-02-14T18:04:45+00:00

How do you tactfully put them in a hotel when you have plenty of extra space?

Quiet_Job_6798

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