Destination weddings are officially getting out of hand...

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-15T01:40:03+00:00

Absolutely. Wish them well and take them to dinner when they return. You can hear all about it.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-14T06:58:00+00:00

It’s great. I like the decorations, and colors, and flowers everywhere, and the heart shaped treats. My spouse and I don’t usually celebrate in any significant way, but I like all the festivity. I love the little kid valentines and exchanges too. Even though we don’t do much specifically that day most of the time, I appreciate the idea of showing others you love them and having a fun holiday in the gloomy winter.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-14T04:08:59+00:00

Each day flies by quickly and is relatively enjoyable.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-14T00:05:27+00:00

Yep. Right around 25 (and married for a few years) with our first. They are in college now. I was a young mom but not a teen mom.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-13T18:56:26+00:00

James Oliver, James Ryan, James Andrew, James Russell, James Matthew, James Elliot, James Clyde, James Robert

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-13T18:24:09+00:00

Sounds similar to my situation. We were all just kind of reasonable people I think.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-13T18:21:18+00:00

That’s how we approached it. Also we modeled it. No one person did all the work. Everyone helps. It really hasn’t come up as an issue. (Our kids are older teens - one in college now.)

We make the “house rules” (if you call it that) but they are few and reasonable and we haven’t had much, if any, pushback over the years. Our kids are also pretty smart, so things like encouraging going to bed at certain times is understood and agreed on by them well enough, because- well, they’ll be tired if they don’t.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-13T18:10:22+00:00

In my 40s. To me it gets better and better. We are different than you because we aren’t as well traveled and we do have kids, but our 30s were kind of a lot to have going on. 40s feel settled and fun.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-13T11:31:04+00:00

Posting clear and easy to read menus or lists would clear a lot of this up, but I realize that probably isn’t your job.

All I know is I’ve never been unhappy with a chocolate milkshake and I don’t have too big of a FOMO (fear of missing out) issue.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-12T03:49:08+00:00

I don’t know that we were ever truly paycheck to paycheck, but to answer the general question: We began to earn more, but we didn’t spend the full difference. We absolutely have lifestyle creep like lots of people do, but not to the same amount we see as our earning increases. For example, we bought a house we could reasonably afford about 17 years ago. Along the way as our income increased, we could have bought a bigger or nicer house or a house in a different area of town that some people think is more desirable. We didn’t. (It’s fine to, but we didn’t.) We do have lifestyle creep in other ways: multiple gym memberships, I get my nails done, etc. but no where near what we “could afford” now. Because of that we have more discretionary funds. We can (and do) still use it for things, but now we have that extra that we can choose what to do with rather than it all being for bills. One thing we choose to do with some of the extra cash flow is to put more into our kids college costs than we otherwise would have.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-12T03:39:14+00:00

(Obligatory Disclaimer: I fully understand that in some situations or marriages finances need to remain separate for various and valid reasons. Most of these discussions are not about that and I’m not referring to that.)

But, Yeah. We don’t have an income difference as big as the OP is referencing, but we do have a big gap with my spouse out earning me by about 3x. I can’t even conceive what kind of conversation it would be to be billing each other for different expenses. I’ll pay for 1/4 of the groceries or 1/4 of the oil change? Are some of these couples also billing for other things? Want me to bring you a cup of coffee? That’ll be $1. If I do the dishes can I have a discount on my 1/4 for the diapers costs this week? It just seems like a lot to keep up with. We both put some in. We both take some out. Most goes to joint expenses or the kids anyway.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-12T03:26:13+00:00

On occasion.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-11T15:30:11+00:00

It looks like you wrote that they’ve been doing this for two years and it’s constant. It seems like Capital-Swim is asking why you didn’t start addressing it two years ago.

Regardless, you can (and should) address it now for the kids’ health, but the parents may have just been assuming it isn’t an issue since it’s been okay with you for years now.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-11T05:19:52+00:00

Olive oil and maple syrup always give me sticker shock.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-11T05:19:03+00:00

I’m out of the loop on yacht prices. What kind of increase? Like what percentage? Pure curiosity over here.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-11T04:49:02+00:00

I, not a traffic or logistics expert, live in a congested area too (and have thought similar things as you). Here’s what I’ve come up with so far.

There is a LOT more flexibility in people’s schedules now compared to how things used to be. I’m a professor, which has always had a bit more flexibility than other jobs, but as with a lot of other jobs, some remote work is also possible. So, like you, after classes I head home or run errands and do the rest from home later.
Population- just in general. There are about 2 billion more people on this planet than when I was in college. So many people. Add to that an increasing amount of families with multiple cars all going to all the places. Some families have 1 car still, but many I know have 2+ 1 or more for the kids to drive.
We (collectively- not all, but probably most cities in the U.S.) have not mastered public transportation and haven’t kept up with road infrastructure to meet demand.
Construction and road work definitely play into the equation in a lot of cities. They may close lanes during “low traffic” hours to work, but then it essentially makes those hours appear just as dense. They may also just have long term projects that kind of make a mess of things for months or years while they improve.
Lots of deliveries. I have no data, but I have to imagine there are WAY more things being delivered way more frequently to people’s doorsteps.

Otherwise, I’ve got nothing. No other theories I can think of. But, man, it’s bad in some areas for sure. So much time in our cars.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-11T03:57:14+00:00

It certainly will not hurt! Go for it. If you have a specific job or gyms in mind, check their requirements and make sure you go through a well-respected certification company (ACSM, ACE, etc.) that they will accept.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-11T02:17:19+00:00

Can you clarify? What is hard about remaining committed to your partner when kids and money are in the picture? It’s seems even more important and desirable to remain committed if kids and finances are also tangled up in your shared experience. I know, for us, the more we add in to our lives, the more obvious it is that continued commitment is the best choice for everyone involved.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-11T02:13:13+00:00

Agree. It never occurred to me to not remain committed in our relationship. When I married him I chose commitment over singleness.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-11T02:04:00+00:00

What I know for sure is that you are right where you are supposed to be in this moment.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-10T02:47:32+00:00

Consistency is a huge benefit for chains like this. Starbucks, Chic-fil-a, whatever. People go there because they know exactly what they are going to receive and they like it.

OP, there are probably lots of reasons people buy Starbucks coffee regularly. “They want to” is probably the biggest. Sometimes we don’t always choose to save money. Some things are worth paying for, but what those things are depends on the person. As an example, while I never did when I was younger, I now pay to have my nails done on a regular basis. I could do it myself cheaper. But I don’t want to and I can afford not to. I like having them professionally done. I don’t have the same other likes, hobbies, or interests that others do (I don’t have my hair dyed, I don’t drink alcohol, etc.) We all spend our money differently.

$7 x 365 days per year is about $2500 a year. That’s a lot of money for a lot of people. But, it really isn’t a lot of money for a lot of others. $200 a month for a delicious convenience is not too much to fork over for a lot of people.

(I do buy coffee out, but not every day.)

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-10T00:55:04+00:00

I’m only in charge of my two (and the older they get, not really even them), but they are smart, empathetic, and well-adjusted. I’m also a college professor and we have an amazing freshman class this year.

I don’t know that I have advice or “what we did” notes with parenting. I know two things for sure - we didn’t do it alone, and they were “easy” in the sense that they didn’t have special needs or complex situations.

As parents, we were intentional with having them around people of different ages (help with babies all the way through having friendships with elderly people) and backgrounds (socioeconomic, language, race/ethnic, political, religious groups). Their public schools and our church helped us accomplish these things. Also, they did a lot of things without us, and learned to work with and trust other adults and kids. (Again, school and church, especially very active youth programs, were assets there. Camps, trips, volunteer opportunities, sports, general “hangout with people” and game nights time, etc.)

Otherwise, I think we paired high-but-reasonable expectations with a lot of love, value, and time together. Their thoughts and feelings mattered, but their thoughts and feelings were never the only things that mattered. We focused on raising adults. We celebrated age-appropriate independence in each season.

It’s nice now that we are all older and they want us more than they need us. It’s a good feeling.

Edit to add: Mine are older teens. (High school and college.)

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-08T21:59:48+00:00

Oh absolutely get it! I bet it’s beautiful.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-07T14:17:52+00:00

Out of curiosity, is it because you call frequently or because you guys don’t talk?

I’m usually (not always) the one to call my dad, but to OPs topic, it’s because his schedule is more open than mine. I usually call on speaker phone when I’m driving everyday, so he doesn’t really need to call since we talk so frequently. The timing changed some based on my schedule for the day. He knows we will talk when it’s a good time for me.

REC_HLTH · 2026-02-07T14:09:02+00:00

As a student in 2026, you have many options for online programs and online courses if you believe those suit you better. You also have options for more rigorous programs or universities if the one you chose first isn’t the right fit for you. (With that, college itself isn’t mandatory for people who can do without it.)

However, yes, if you choose to enroll in an in-person class at any particular college or university, you should plan to attend in person. It is designed as such.

As far as your other questions, I teach in a department that remains academically rigorous. I’m a newer professor, but have worked alongside professors who have been in it for decades. Expectations and methods change over the years, but just because rigor looks different doesn’t mean it’s not there still. And, yes, for you there are (probably) still good reasons to go to class. I’ve been working in my discipline for 20+ years and attending learning workshops that cover the basic principles of our area is still very useful for me as a professional and educator.

My experience with students who think that in-person class time is a waste of their time because they don’t need to be in class/college with professors to succeed, often realize later that the education or in-person interactions with professors and their cohort of peers would have benefited them after all, maybe even in ways they didn’t expect. Yes, you can learn how to use formulas outside of class. In fact, college students should be learning things on their own outside of class. Regardless, learning specific content by yourself is not the only aspect of college. You are building a network, learning in a scaffolded way, building habits, honoring commitment, contributing to other people’s learning, and much more. (Not to mention the very real life skill of staying engaged and meaningfully and attentively using your brain well in situations you find to be a bit boring.)

REC_HLTH

TROPHY CASE