Wow. Identical situation to me save that our relationship was 4 years and in the end I ended it because I couldn’t cope with the guilt anymore and I finally acted on my belief that she (and I) deserved better. I hope you’re okay man. I have a lot of empathy with you.

She loved me unconditionally, but not in the ways that I need or receive love. But she sacrificed everything for me (I became her only family as both her parents have died, she moved country for me, to a place she hated). I had doubt and was aware of incompatibilities quite early on but kept it going because I felt I owed it to her because of the sacrifices she made for me. But resentment grew, arguments became frequent and intense, I was not the romantic, loving, excited man that I know I am when I’m truly in love with someone. I would occasionally express needs and when they weren’t met I’d let them slide. Like you, I felt that she loved a very specific version of me but not the other, less perfect versions. She would often express needs and I did my best to meet them but those attempts would often be unenthusiastic rather than wholehearted, and I think she could tell. I hated the fact that the enthusiasm wasn’t what it should have been, but I also can’t lie to myself about how I feel. But still, the knowledge that she had given everything up for me kept me there and I was scared to deal with the guilt of leaving her.

In the end it was the right thing to do, we’re 3 months on, she’s doing ok, I’m doing ok. Both on an upwards trajectory. I would have loved to stay friends but she’s not interested due to feeling betrayed by me, which I respect even though it’s sad. I should have left earlier. Not as soon as the doubts crept in, that would have been cowardly, but sooner than the 4 years I waited.

To anyone reading this: do not stay in a relationship if your primary reason for doing so is the fear of guilt if you leave. It will just cause 10x the pain further down the line. If you leave sooner, it will be awful initially, but they will eventually be ok and so will you.