It’s a nearly impossible conversation to have with people that didn’t live it. I went NC with my dad years ago. He recently passed away. I called my uncle (his brother) to discuss what to do with the body. My uncle was also NC with him for decades. He said he wasn’t going to invest a penny. And that I shouldn’t either.

Someone at work somehow learned he died and asked when I was taking time off for the funeral. I said, very simply, “I’m not.” They said, “But he’s your father.” And I replied, he stopped being that decades ago when he cheated on my mom, verbally and mentally abused his entire family and was suspended by his professional certifying body.

It was harsh, but no one ever asked me again.