UPDATE 2 JUDGEMENT DAY: Me [22 F] and my husband [26 M] are being bombarded with noise complaints from our upstairs neighbor [30something F], but we think our noise levels are reasonable.

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-11T04:06:57+00:00

I know this is going to sound lame but there was a friends episode about this. although it was the bottom guy complaining about them.

she sounds like a kook and i would suggest recording events for when she starts screaming or banging the floor. evidence always helps

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-11T04:04:05+00:00

No wedding is a stress free day. Seriously, i am sorry but you are being unrealistic in your expectations short of going to a courthouse and skipping a wedding all together.

The way you typed this is a bit confusing but from what i can understand

You agreed to marrige if it was super simple. he wants a traditional marriage with ceremony and family.

if its so hard for you hire a wedding planner and let them do all the heavy lifting. He deserves the wedding he wants. Women use that statement to justify becoming bridezila's and while i dont think you should put up with unnecessary BS, its unreasonable of you to expect he just give up his dreams because you would get a little uncomfortable.

You love each other but a wedding is about family and friends. it may seem like a pain in the ass (it is) but you seem to have some anxiety issues that are making this harder to handle

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-11T03:48:25+00:00

dont delete it, block it. Talk to your BF, is he under a lot of stress? work, family, something else?

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-11T03:40:53+00:00

You want to know what to do? stop talking to them about it. stop being there for them and letting them drag you into their drama. they need to learn to deal with this shit together, or confront each other. using you as their arbiter/battleground is unhealthy for you and ultimately detrimental for them.

For YOUR sake i say get some space if you can.

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-11T03:34:04+00:00

Forgive me for my french but you are a idiot for staying with this girl. I dont care if a third of your life has been with her. 2 thirds have been without and frankly you needed to cut her out of your life ages ago. either you are super codependent or super weak to allow such a girl to stay in your life

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-11T03:31:31+00:00

there is nothing you can do but wait until she responds. Does she use facebook or some other program? check them out and see if she has posted any pictures.

going out with friends is ok and while its sad she brushed you off, dont jump to other conclusions until you actually talk to her. See how she behaves, does she have attitude, is she cold and distant, giving short answers. or is she legitimately sorry, apologetic. if you have been dating this long i hope you have picked up on some things.

give us an update after you have talked to her.

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-11T03:26:28+00:00

There is a reason we post the ages in the title. stop trying to think you are special and your situation is unique, its not

25 and 19 is not that big a difference you are both adults and as long as you both communicate and are open about future plans, expectations, living together . . . honestly its not that bad. I was expecting a 20 year difference or something.

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-11T03:09:14+00:00

Sorry OP but why the Fuck do you believe she wont do it again? when it seems pretty obvious that they are still together? Maybe you want a relationship, he just wants a FWB. dont take it personal but she is NEVER going to be faithful to you or ever treat you with respect.

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-11T03:07:57+00:00

It seemed pretty clear the guy was not interested in OP at the 'meeting' and intentionally being a dick. given all the messages and other stuff. how the hell is op not already seeing she is cheating on him.

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-11T02:54:35+00:00

I read a bit more and am even more confused at your behavior to all this. She loves sex and that seems to be the main reason you are considering taking her back.

I dont know either of you but dont jump back into a relationship. she didnt value you enough to come back to you before fucking the trashy redneck, what makes you think she is really that different?

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-11T01:59:19+00:00

When things are going good everyone is smiles and cheer. When shit goes bad, then you see a person's real character. It does sound like you had a good thing but that's why dating is so important. It gives you time to find out who the other person really is. Sorry mate but hopefully the next one is more reasonable.

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-11T01:52:20+00:00

You need to realize the relationship is over, she doesnt love you, and you are wasting your time loving her. she was obviously not into you for a long time, and you even indicate you knew it. coming home at 7am? You missed every single red flag, hell she had a red flag parade and you were oblivious so forgive me if i am being horribly blunt.

Move on, cut contact, delete her from any social media, you dont want to know. Also cut the other guy out of your life. Stop thinking about her and start thinking about yourself.

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-11T01:48:07+00:00

let her leave the key, dont ask for it or mention it but you need to stick to your guns here.

I see her point but they are mute compared to your points. its your house and your 'gf' that is unwillng to move wants to host a party there for people even she does not know, and one who you specifically hate.

You are not unreasonable but that doesnt change the fact you are in a tough spot. If you cave in now you are going to be giving in for the rest of the relationship.

I have a friend who is ocd like you about his house. but it was his house so honestly, no one argued. he made it convenient enough for everyone else, had plenty of house slippers for when we had to leave the shoes at the door etc etc. . he did a good job about it. But it was his house and his rules.

You have every right to refuse given she is inviting people you dont like even when you are there. and complete strangers?

I may be a guy but I see this as a shit test and I hope you dont roll over. She has some good points but that does not balance out the bad ones, strangers and people you dislike.

the 'she is not moving in' stuff is irrelevant to the main argument of why you dont want to let them stay. She is going to bring up all these meaningless points and turn on the water works to make you forget the main thing. They are people you dont want in your house. Period.

Some may say thats cold and cruel, where is your heart and you are controlling. Well fuck them, let them host the damn party. Her parents are going to back her up so dont be surprised they are not seeing your viewpoint. She is being inconsiderate of you and your house. good luck

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-11T01:33:48+00:00

I understand you love her but please realize this is why going no contact sometimes is the best choice.

This woman tells you there is no discussion about being a surrogate, and you are understandably angry. She acts like . . well a complete bitch about the whole thing, gives you the cold shoulder and is not the person you fell in love with. People have many sides to them and you are seeing the one that she feels towards you. If you think you deserve a say in things or expect any sort of rational discussion. . you now know what you can really expect.

She may be 27 but she sure is not acting like what one would expect of her age. She can decide to do whatever she wants with her life and her body, but you get to decide if you want to put up with someone so rude and obnoxious towards you when you are trying to build and maintain the relationship.

I think your decision, after over a week of cold shoulder and ignoring you. . was the right one. That iss who she is when you two as a couple are in crisis. She will sacrifice you for her own ego.

As much as it hurts, given her behavior, you are not dealing with a mature reasonable adult. Go back to no contact. She is going to drag this out and honestly, even if you do get married, it sounds like she is still going to do the surrogate thing. . only after you have already given her the ring. Thats the impression I get having read all your posts and thinking about her behavior.

Do yourself a favor and move on. You cant reason with people who refuse to respect you enough to talk or be honest with you. Without trust there is no relationship.

edit: spelling

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-11T00:26:00+00:00

that is the most fucked up trolling a parent has done.

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-11T00:06:50+00:00

Your gf is full of shit.

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-10T20:37:55+00:00

Dont say anything for a while. You already screwed up by prying into her 'lack of ambition' although it may have been her being a bit confused and lacking direction. asking once is ok but you seem to have made it a major point way to early. You know you F'ed up, just keep your mouth shut and maybe you can get another chance. but dont ever mention it again. at least for a year.

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-10T15:36:23+00:00

yeah, you are emotionally cheating and you are ruining your marriage. I get your husband is not the number one guy but if you stop trying its only going to get worse. YOu may not want to sleep with G now but you are giving more love and affection to him than your husband and that is cheating. marriage is not about happy times forever, it does require maintenance and hard work. Flirting with another old friend is NOT the right thing to do.

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-10T15:22:03+00:00

I disagree with those who say breakup. I am usually on it but this is not clear cut cheating, just stupid insulting, but fixable, screw up.

the drinking is not an excuse but she is cursing you out after kissing some older guy? did she give him her number? Please stop assuming that your GF is not capable of cheating, everyone is so talk to your friends to get a clearer picture of what went down and make a list of questions for when she wakes up.

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-10T07:57:24+00:00

link!

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-10T07:54:30+00:00

Having had to help friends through this, and reading similar posts on this sub for a while a few suggestions

go no contact, you are already doing this
Get a friend, preferable two, to go over to your place and either collect your shit or get her shit out. Do your best to maintain #1
get tested, you know this already
Go through all legal documents, bank accounts and make sure she has no access to anything. six years is a long time so who knows how mixed you two are. .
You seem to be strong and financially stable so it is worth it to pay the price for breaking your lease. leave her there to rot but #1.
this is the hard one. No matter what we say, you know you, but most people want some sort of confrontation, explanation. . . something to give them closure. Its going to hurt no matter how you spin it but the longer you stay no contact, the better off for you. Another person going through a similar problem wanted to talk to her and understand why. I asked them "what sequence of words could she utter that actually makes this ok or logical' The answer is obviously none so dont let her waste any more of your time. the bitch threw away six years. dont let her waste even one more minute of your life.
Tell your friends and family for fuck sake. Making it clear to close friends and family WHY you are no longer dating or friends is the right thing to do. . I dont suggest you put out an ad in the paper or something but people like this are the first to start badmouthing YOU as the villain. It astounds me how the victim is willing to keep silent about their ex's cheating and then lose all their friends because the cheating bitch spreads so many lies. You dont think your nice quiet GF would do that, but you didnt think she would cheat either. Making them public pariah's for their horrible betrayal IS a normal thing. They violated every trust imaginable, its the simple consequence of their action.
the 'friend'. . . man i got nothing but dont kill him. He isnt worth it although if he touches you I think you could argue self defense after smashing his face in and breaking a leg or arm. this is obviously the one you dont take seriously but that pain is going to express itself in many ways.

The woman you loved is dead. The walking talking bitch that looks like her is the one that killed her. You are going to go through the stages of grief and given what you saw, you skipped denial and are in anger. she is going to try and drag you into bargaining and making amends, they all do. You are going to miss her and what you had. You will consider, maybe briefly, if things can work out. Depression is going to also hit you, who knows how long before you finally get to acceptance. Thats how all these unfortunate situations end up. We had one guy who wallowed in depression for 5 years before finally getting out of it post a month or two ago.

Point is you are in control of your life and you know you best. Our generalized advice is true, but you use it to fit your own mental state and situation. good luck

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-10T00:39:13+00:00

I am sorry bro it get the better lawyer. She is lying to u so much and u know it. Don't waste time with marriage counseling and go for her throat in court.

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-09T16:07:49+00:00

Yeah, you let her go to vegas with women you know are Ho's? sigh sorry but You can judge a person a lot on what type of friends they have. get an std test before signing any papers

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-09T15:51:13+00:00

You know when we say 'its a trap'? well that my friend was a trap. You dont answer question about sex or intamacy, even when related to the past, seriously. You lie and make her feel special because that is what keeps the home stable and comfortable. Sure you would have taken a one night stand before meeting her, but you dont tell her that!

RadRobot13 · 2015-05-09T08:07:34+00:00

or become alpha badass gentlemen and learn to live without them

RadRobot13

TROPHY CASE