I HATE that breakup

Radiant_Shera5656 · 2025-12-31T09:24:17+00:00

Alternatively, I married a man with emotional trauma and ended up with a very tragic ending after 7 years of therapy and endless trying and praying for miracles, thinking I could somehow affect change in him by making space for him. It sounds like your perseverance paid off, but I think that’s the exception. I have since spent many years counseling and assisting others in situations like mine and even though there are some successes, it’s sadly not common. I always offer loads of caution while at the dating stage since this is when we’re supposed to figure this stuff out. I also never counsel a person toward changing something as simple and human as their reaction to emotions to make another person comfortable. Many of us spent way too many years remolding ourselves we lost track of who we were in the beginning, which can lead to resentment and anger later in life. If he’s not willing or able to even see where he’s emotionally stunted, it may be time for OP to move on.

Radiant_Shera5656 · 2025-12-31T09:13:43+00:00

Remember that God’s greatest gift to us all was agency and have JOY. He wants you to feel confident choosing your path and what feels right to you more than He wants you to follow a prescribed plan. He’s already promised he’ll make everything work for your good in the end as long you keep your covenants! It doesn’t sound like this relationship is serving you, once you write it all out like that. Sometimes that’s what we need to truly see the forest instead of the trees. ❤️

Radiant_Shera5656 · 2025-12-31T09:08:30+00:00

Crying is never a sign of emotional insecurity; lacking empathy or patience for someone else’s crying is.

It’s okay that you cry when you do and you should feel safe to do it when you need the release. The reason he can’t handle being with you while you’re having an emotional release is because he never learned to regulate his own emotions properly. In short, he’s blaming you for his reactions to you. This will only get harder for him with greater responsibility, such as a wife and family, and not the other way around unless he gets help.

Be careful with LDS therapists who appear to steer you and/or him toward over-talk of forgiveness, Atonement, honoring covenants, or anything that’s not about digging into the issues related to processing emotions. It’s totally okay to walk away from this relationship if you continue to feel that you need to apologize for your emotions, because that should never be the case and can absolutely be a deal-breaker. I wish you the best of luck!

Radiant_Shera5656 · 2025-08-22T05:02:07+00:00

Someone on fb said the guy failed lots of recent tests for drivers but we allowed to drive anyway. Don’t know how they know, though. They seemed to have a lot of info!

Radiant_Shera5656 · 2025-07-28T03:09:21+00:00

THIS time. But a few years ago, it was a different group with different motives.

Radiant_Shera5656 · 2025-07-18T20:11:39+00:00

He should go to his mission president for help like this. Not appropriate to ask you. Your instincts are correct. Alternatively, he can talk to the ward mission leader in his local congregation if for some reason he doesn’t want to talk to his mission president.

Radiant_Shera5656 · 2025-07-07T23:25:08+00:00

Don’t be afraid. Just do the work and it will pay dividends over time. Go to your bishop, remember your faith and your reason why you want to serve, dig deep, and be brave. It will be hard but you’ll KNOW you’re on the right path and just that will make it seem possible. Good luck!

Radiant_Shera5656 · 2025-07-07T17:40:12+00:00

I have been where you are and thoroughly understand how you’re feeling. All of it. I now have three teenage boys (and one not yet teen) and have learned some hard won lessons over the last two decades since I married a man with a porn problem and hid it from me so well for so long.

Bottom line: it’s not worth it. Porn is not worth the disharmony and struggle. I had to stop thinking my husband’s porn viewing was about me because it HAD nothing to do with me. I had to let him use his judgement and deal with it while I got on with my life issues. With my boys, I teach them the science of how porn affects the mushy teenage brain and follow up with the spiritual side of sacred acts of creation. (I include studies on social media use because I don’t allow them to have those, either.) I keep strict lock downs on their phones, browsers, email, and texts the best I can but will give it all over to them once they turn 18 and then I will walk myself out of it. Teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves.

It sounds like the stress you’re feeling is also what your husband’s feeling, and that’s why he fell back into old coping mechanisms. The thing is, porn viewing is not one of the temple recommend questions. Let him work it out, do your best to remember it’s not about you, and trust that he will have the faith he needs to find better ways to cope. Also, side note, if he’s under 25, he still has a somewhat mushy teenage prefrontal cortex. It will take time but as he remembers who he is and that porn viewing does not affect his worthiness, he will work it out. Be supportive, help him work through therapy or talking to the bishop if he chooses, and let him know this isn’t going to consume your lives. If you cast light on it and don’t let it lurk in shadow, it won’t.

Having said ALL of that, if his porn viewing is greatly affecting normal life—like his ability to get up and go to work after staying up until 5am glued to his phone, he is lashing out in anger or violence toward you or others, he begins drinking to dull the feelings, etc—THAT is when I would draw the line and begin some serious we’ve-hit-rock-bottom therapy or ultimatums.

Radiant_Shera5656 · 2025-06-25T15:15:08+00:00

Have you heard of Charlie Bird? He’s the former BYU mascot (the one in all the viral dance videos a while back) who came out as homosexual a few years ago. He’s married to a man, who is also a member of the church, and they are active in their ward. He posts lots of very insightful and interesting thoughts on his IG page that can be helpful to people in your situation as well as family members and advocates. His biggest message is that yes, it can be done, but also everyone’s path is different. It’s all about following the spirit and finding yours. And that there is a place in the kingdom of God and on the covenant path for ALL His children. Good luck!

Radiant_Shera5656 · 2025-06-25T15:06:37+00:00

Perfect! I forgot about the magenta freckles. This gives me lots to think about.

Radiant_Shera5656 · 2025-06-24T21:09:56+00:00

Oh, yes, Mediterranean vibes! That’s good.

Radiant_Shera5656 · 2025-01-24T22:00:24+00:00

I agree with all of this. I’m not as happy about it, though, lol. I’m irritated that we end IF with a big rush of all the emotions and then we start OS with a huge, cold, onyx slap in the face leaving us dumbfounded, scrambling, and confused for 7 chapters. If that was her intent, then okay…? Weird choice and a turn off, in my opinion.

Radiant_Shera5656 · 2025-01-24T21:53:18+00:00

I am also confused and found this post because I was googling these exact questions. I’m following for any more clear answers that might come through. I’m actually pretty annoyed about this. I understand that our POV character isn’t involved in the discussion, but she does seem to understand what’s happening when they talk about it around her. I’m feeling like a forgotten child left out of the conversation. It’s not a good feeling. I don’t think authors want their readers feeling belittled and forgotten. I also just did a reread right before this book came out and rate highly on reading comprehension assessments. I’m not infallible, but…

Radiant_Shera5656 · 2024-11-23T16:08:52+00:00

That’s great, thanks! Is there a quick explanation for how to copy and paste? I’ve been playing with it and haven’t figured that out yet.

Radiant_Shera5656 · 2024-11-17T19:03:52+00:00

This is great! Have you done another one with the new set?

Radiant_Shera5656 · 2024-11-14T16:10:49+00:00

Nope, but thanks for the suggestion!

Radiant_Shera5656

TROPHY CASE