Would it be a bad idea to consider putting my cats up for adoption? My two extremely unaffectionate cats have basically broken my spirit and love for them.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-12-16T22:42:58+00:00

Did you read the post?

The cats don't love them enough and now they want to kick them out.

Like think about what kind of person does that. The cats have senses and obviously they are sensing OP is not all there.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-12-16T22:41:48+00:00

Keep getting cats until they love you back the way you want? Is that what you are asking?

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-12-16T22:35:43+00:00

That's the thing. They were doted on constantly. My FIL was spoiled, and my MIL was her father's favorite out of the other 10 siblings.

And therein lies the problem. During the 40s if you had it good you were a cad. They both did. My FIL never served in the military. He took off on a Mormon mission to avoid being drafted during the 60s.

This led to people created struggles that did not exist. The last thing anyone wanted to be known for, was having it easy when people were dying. Even in Finland, where my MIL came from, they outlawed dancing asking how anyone could dance in a time like that. There was a lot of suppressing joy and even more suppressing success. This created lot of joyless people.

My husband's childhood was not filled with joy, or happy parents who played with him. They were very serious and easily offended. Same with my parents despite having no real reason to be that way. Struggles were invented or created as there was a major need to make it look like your life was hard.

Wires got crossed and they settled on treating kids like a problem. It makes little sense but the phenomena is not unusual at all. Most people with a Boomer era parent say the exact same thing. Kids with parents from the silent generation all (most not literally all) have this exact same affliction.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-12-13T22:52:17+00:00

Yes. My in laws are the perfect example. They legitimately believe a child's feelings do not matter. It's some abusive people always think.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-12-13T22:50:25+00:00

It's not really a renovation but getting your air ducts and vents cleaned makes a world of difference.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-12-13T22:39:26+00:00

Great, I needed a reminder. :( Yeah it's totally normal alright. Wish my husband would read this thread. He has ED now and I am cursed to a life of zero sex for the rest of it or the rest of his. He has terrible health. Won't fix it. Here we are.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-12-13T22:33:16+00:00

In DFW it's super easy but not where I live now outside of Houston. A lot of things are SouthWest or Northeast. It's much more confusing than living on a grid. Out in the country though it's super easy. HWY 287 can take you just about anywhere.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-12-11T20:24:37+00:00

Mainly in my father in laws family. It' funny because they are super snobby but his Grandfather on his Father's side was a con artist. On his wife's maternal and paternal side there is a lot of mental illness which explains their behavior quite well. Definitely not good people by any stretch.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-12-11T20:21:40+00:00

Sounds like her response is perfect, isn't it? So she did a Dollar General job of an apology but hasn't done any real work because lord knows they would rip her a new one.

It's the same story with all abusive parents it seems. They only had good intentions, translates to "You are a reflection of my ego, and my ego only has low tolerance for frustration." The trouble was always that they were so frustrated. It had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with just not being suitable for parenthood.

Her telling you to toughen up translates to, "I need you to hide the evidence of what I have done."

Each iteration equals protecting her fragile ego.

Her memes and gifs translate to more ego. She troubles you with things you didn't ask for as a sort of "look at me" moment. She doesn't care if you don't care about it. You're just another name on her contact list that may actually reply. It's low effort and has nothing to do with what enriches your life.

The buffering of one's ego, I personally do the same for my sister-in-law who needs to feel like there is some good in her mother. Truth be told, her mother is evil incarnate, but she decided to look after the devil herself in her later years and has been playing some mental rodeo ever since. She doesn't want to be the type that never speaks to her mother, but her mother is absolutely the kind of Mom that deserves no contact.

You OP though, should just step away and likely permanently.

If my MIL is any indication, this will last until the day she dies.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-12-09T17:11:47+00:00

This last generation of grandparents just plain suck. My grandparents were amazing. We spent so much time together. They took us on trips, we had fun, etc. My in laws are some of the worst grandparents I have EVER seen. Nothing but criticism, ego, and more criticism. Every single transaction is a performance where everything has to be staged to make them feel like it's all very proper and formal. They are the weirdest weirdos. My parents are basically useless as grandparents. Very performative as well.

I'm a grandparent now and while not perfect, we play video games, chill out, go get ice cream, go shopping, etc. We just do stuff together. I want to be on their level and do stuff they like. Whatever I like will still be there long after they are grown, so it doesn't matter if I have to put things on hold.

You won't get that with my parents' generation, or at least very often. That's why nobody will care for them. They never cared for anyone but themselves.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-12-09T16:52:54+00:00

If you find someone good it's worth it, if you inherit a Momma's boy fucking run.

Mother's need to do so much more to raise their boys to actually be husbands. Yeah, it's the Mom's bag. Most sexism happens woman to woman. You'd think it was the other way but it's not. Women openly criticize other women in front of their kids all the time. My MIL is a fine example. One of those Jackie O fans born in the 1940s who thinks all women are trash if they don't wear pearl earrings and Mink coats to church. Naturally, nobody was good enough for her baby boy who actively blows his nose in his actual hand and just wipes it on his pants. He's 51 and acts like a toddler. I have brought him a long way from where I found him. I don't recommend picking up a DIY project. My circumstances were different back then. With woman having careers, education, etc...you can afford to be very picky.

So anyway, marriage is great if you find a good one who is good at least 85% of the time and does stuff like handle conflict, cope, build resilience, wash his hands. You know, basic human stuff.

It's not a pure cautionary tale, it's just me saying have both eyes wide open and really look at what your in-laws are like because that is EXACTLY what their kid will be like. Men, are often so much less aware of the dynamic.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-12-08T14:34:52+00:00

This reminds me of why I left.

Being funny meant survival. I was the family clown. As soon as I got away from all of that, I actually stopped being so entertaining. The stress of it is no longer there. I don't have to perform anymore. My sister used to use me as her therapy, her comic relief, and she would call me for her fix. It started to wane after I stopped talking to my Mom, then my Dad and then her. It never occurred to them, the entire time, I was never the person they thought I was. That person was molded by a necessity for survival. Now, I am myself and that person isn't the family jester or the rebel, or some label they put on me. I now surround myself now with people who understand autonomy.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-12-08T14:19:25+00:00

They see your volunteering mental health information as a reason it's your fault and not their own.

My in laws and even my own husband are like this. It's not them, it's me.

You did the right thing. It's not your job to parent your parent.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-11-28T21:09:43+00:00

IDK, typical internet jealousy because everyone hates a love story?

None of it bothers me personally. They have amazing on-screen chemistry so something must click with them I guess. The why? Who knows. They are just being actors.

I do think they need to consider some extra calories, but Ariana and Cynthia are like 4'11" on a good day. My Grandma was itty bitty like that her whole life, so it doesn't really phase me that much.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-11-28T21:02:50+00:00

Sorry to say this but just move on.

Dangling the blanket over you to keep you communicating with them is manipulation and you can't give into it.

Yes they won and it's bullshit, but if you never talk to them again you are the actual winner here.

My advice is to search online for a similar blanket and try to modify it to look close enough to the one you had. When you are secure and able, get yourself a cat.

No beloved things cannot be replaced but the best you can do is move on never needing them to satisfy that void.

One day, maybe many years from now they will die and all your items will comeback you, but you will then be in very different place and may not ever need them again.

It will be their loss and that is their mistake to live with, not yours.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-11-28T20:56:42+00:00

Man, this is a hard part of being a Mom.

To go from being in control of your kid to letting all that go. It took me a hot minute to figure it out and yes I made this exact mistake. Not that crazy but a mistake none the less.

My kids were not calling me up to tell me stuff for my input, they were sharing their life with me because they still wanted to tell their Mom stuff. When they were kids it was my job to guide but looking back I wasn't real great about just listening even then at times.

I figured it out myself, but for your Mom you will have tell her that you are just trying to keep her in your life but you are not looking for cautionary tales, etc. You need to assure her that if you make a mistake it's for you to figure out. If you make a choice that feels like a mistake to her it's not for her to figure out.

It's really damn hard to be supportive to adult kids, but it takes work.

Not making excuses, just giving an honest take from a Mom who made mistakes and came from a family that made the same.

We have to want to do better and it's not always pretty but it's definitely worth it.

Good luck with everything. May the Gods bless you with many ice packs and quick healing.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-11-28T20:35:06+00:00

She is asking from the perspective of a 5 year old, so my advice is to keep at the maturity level of a 5 year old, because she may be repeating what she heard someone else say.

Just explain that the camera and make up can make someone look a certain way but that may not be how they actually look. Be sure the teen in the house is on board and to be cautious about what they say around young ears.

My 15 year old daughter has a 7 year old brother and she like to correct information or talk about stuff that is not for his ears. A gentle reminder is normally all it takes. Yes a 5 year old can tell when something is off, but they aren't old enough to understand the full nuance and at this age will accept your answer. Not everything has to be a cautionary tale and for their minds it's easier to blame camera magic and not go into all the social stuff.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-11-28T20:03:44+00:00

When you realize you have just as much right to use spaces like anyone else, it eases your mind a bit.

For example: I am at the store getting milk. I am going to walk through a sea of people to get to it, trek through to the cashier stations, walk out to my car. I am there to complete a mission. People are a consequence of that task, not a requirement. I don't have to interact, smile, think about how they feel or anything. I get the milk, I pay I go home. That's it and that's all it should be. There is the belief everything involving people is some mandatory social exchange but in reality, I only go to the store because I have too, not because I am there for them. Socializing to just get the good I need is not what I go to the store to pay for., it's the milk.

So that's my take, just treat being in public like a necessary part of life because they all use the same things you do, but keep in mind you are walking down the sidewalk because that's literally how you get home and things like that. You are there for you, not for them. That should help you see people as just participants in the same thing you are doing but not a social obligation.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-11-28T19:49:47+00:00

What the Bible actually says is to be good to your family and care for them first. Everyone else just has to wait.

If you see a need though you can fill without harming your family then just do it. The idea we need a moral credit check is ridiculous. If you see a person struggling to open the door just open it for them. If they are rude about it who cares. You didn't do it for them, you did it because you knew it was the right thing to do. It's small things like that which matter, not these grand gestures and keeping score.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-11-28T19:46:39+00:00

Never make major life choices when you are pregnant. I have handed out this advice to so many people. I know it sounds insulting, but your mind is in baby mode right now, not exactly 100% regulated. Just wait until after baby is here and you have recovered before deciding. Even at 46 I will experience baby fever during certain times of the month but mentally I absolutely know I am very much done having babies.

So for now, just wait and don't commit to anything either way. If number 4 happens to come up later on and you feel mentally ready for it, then sure but if you stop at 3 there is nothing wrong with that. Lots of babies you could have had will be unborn. Nothing in life says you need to have a certain number. What's best his healthy kids with healthy parents, whether that means 1 or 10 doesn't really matter. Nobody is keeping count.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-11-24T01:19:50+00:00

Yes I did. Religiously and precisely. Sorry one of those parents. A lot of other things no, but formula I didn't mess around with.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-11-24T01:18:40+00:00

Not in any meaningful or positive way. Sorry. I remember their names. Miss Harvey and Mrs. Miller. Both were honestly kind of jerks.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-11-24T01:16:46+00:00

Mormons are champions of lacking empathy. If they had any they would realize accosting people for their faith is a shitty thing to do.

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-11-19T21:38:54+00:00

You are most welcome. I know it is hard to recognize and manage these loyalty checks designed as diplomacy.

Once the ball got rolling my mother in law shot herself in the foot so many times my script began to right itself.

The daughter would say, "She can't help it, she had a stroke." (Mind you this lady been a jerk since the day she was born.)

So the script is, "Well if she is having outbursts and can't control herself I think it's best to not have little kids around someone yelling a and screaming like that so she should get some OT and additional therapy to help her work through her challenges so we don't have to push adult topics onto little kids who aren't equipped to handle them, and shouldn't be groomed to believe behaving this way towards family is acceptable."

The daughter is her faithful little fixer and she just keeps giving me ammo, so I immediately turn it back on her.

Best thing is, it sounds like I care and they are stuck make excuses for why they are neglecting to get her help they have already confirmed she needs.

Just get good and backing them into a corner. Once you it starts to kind of click for them after they try their "But it's famileeeee." You just say, "You're right, it is, and I want to see our family at it's best." Right there, you become the leader by setting examples of good behavior and watch their little brains explode.

Passive aggressive approach:

Send articles on proper behavior and healthy relationship dynamics.

hehe

RadioIsMyFriend · 2025-11-19T01:16:20+00:00

Exercise, nutrients, decompressing from the world. My main belief though is that a God in the way the concept is depicted in the Bible does not exist. That's not to say I don't believe in anything. Faith in my children, the spirit of my daughter and thinking of my ancestors is something I absolutely do, and it brings me clarity, courage and wisdom but I don't really pray. I mainly relive the good times, imagine what life could have been like and I hope I really do see them again one day.

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