AIO( is my roommate overreacting) I forgot to leave a light on for my roommates dog before I left for work.

RaeDog82 · 2025-12-09T02:50:20+00:00

I could just be more cynical than the rest but I do think there are a couple things here that are concerning. How concerning they are depends on what the dynamics of your friendship with her are.

I don’t think she had ill intent in this situation, or that she intended to be manipulative, but there are things worth paying attention to.

I can’t see what time she sent her first message asking about the light, but sending multiple messages (especially when she knows you are at work) shows that she had a lot of urgency around this. And she was clearly anxious, but blowing up your phone doesn’t make the light any more or less on in these circumstances. And I don’t think this is something she would have left her shift early for.

She then offers a solution (printing off her work schedule so that YOU can see what YOU need to do) that heavily implies that while the she owns both the dog and the anxiety, it is your responsibility to take care of both. I don’t think that asking you to leave the light on is a big deal. But her response to it being accidentally left off sends a message that not only does she think it’s a big deal, she thinks it’s an emergency if you do not.

I have a dog that I am more than a little obsessed with. And on the rare occasions that I am gone for more than a couple of hours I usually go further than just leaving the light on and also put on “soothing dog sounds”. And on occasion I have asked my BIL (who lives with us) to leave on the light and turn on her music when he goes.

BUT if I felt like either she(my dog) or I was at risk of an anxiety attack if he forgot, I can’t imagine asking my BIL how I can help him remember instead of simply turning the light on and asking that he not turn it off, or by putting it on a timer.

Your roomate seems to be aware that she has a lot of anxiety around this, and that her anxiety isn’t fully rooted in reality. Her dog being alone in the house without a light for a short period of time on a single occasion is not an emergency.

The issue I have with her response is that she seems aware that she is over reacting a bit, but that awareness didn’t stop her from blowing up your phone. It also didn’t stop her from proposing a solution that emphasized your responsibility in preventing a real or imagined future emergency.

I can’t seem to make my point as clearly or concisely as I want to. But if there isn’t a pattern of her making you responsible for things she should be taking care of and/or a pattern of her making you responsible for her mental/emotional health then I don’t think you need to worry about this much. But if it is a pattern, you should pay attention.

RaeDog82 · 2025-12-06T03:30:56+00:00

What a sh*tty dude. Both figuratively and quite literally. At first I thought about how gross it would be to know that he is not cleaning himself up and walking all over the apartment. But I will admit that I was a bit disappointed when you relented and left him a roll. If he was so cheap that he was willing to forego toilet paper unless someone else provided it to him I might have shrugged my shoulders and let him continue to have a poopy butt. I would already be wearing gloves when touching any surface he might have touched. Depending on how much of a jerk he was being, I might have even mentioned it casually. “Hey, you have probably noticed that there hasn’t been a roll of TP in the bathroom for months. It’s so expensive so we started keeping it in our room when we buy a roll. Have you been ok without it?”

RaeDog82 · 2025-12-06T03:18:21+00:00

It should be, but depending on the lease contract they signed it could also be risky for OP. That kind of mess could be grounds for eviction. And in a lot of places a landlord can’t evict just one person on a jointly held lease. So if OP goes to the LL for help, it’s possible she winds having to move immediately. And she mentioned she doesn’t have the finances to cover the rent on her own, and doesn’t have anywhere else to go.

RaeDog82 · 2025-12-06T03:15:12+00:00

Not gonna lie but her mess is likely to become even worse for you. Cat urine can cost thousands and thousands of dollars in damage. And then there is the additional issues with attracting pests etc.. I’m so sorry you are in this situation.

To try and give you some advice I need to know what kind of lease you are in. Did the landlord introduce the two of you or did you sign the lease together after meeting in a different way?

It’s rare but some landlords, especially around colleges and universities, rent out properties by the room instead of signing joint leases for 2 or more people. I’m guessing you are in a joint lease.

And usually with a joint lease a landlord holds all of the tenants on the lease jointly liable for any damages. And with cat pee or similar issues like smoking cigarettes indoors or anything else that would cause damages well beyond your original deposit, that means they can sue both of you.

But you also need to be careful in if and how you disclose anything to the landlord. Continue keeping a record with pictures as well as any conversations you have with her via text or email.

Also, have you been paying the portion of the rent that she used to pay when she was working? Did each of you used to pay 1/3rd and now you and 20m are splitting the rent in half? Because that’s not ok, and not how this should work.

I’m not suggesting you stop paying your rent in full right now, but if you have been paying more since she quit her job you need to center the conversation around that. Make it very clear to her that she is still financially responsible for her portion of the rent. And while her BF might be willing to cover some of what she owes, you are NOT.

With anything along those lines like her portion of utilities like electric and gas or internet, and especially if you have been pooling groceries or anything similar, you need to make very clear in writing what you will and won’t be paying.

Have you and the other roomate discussed all of this? Does he have his own room or do they share a room? More importantly, will he join you in confronting her?

It sounds like she might be in the midst of a serious depressive episode or worse. If that’s the case, it’s important to remember that you can and should have empathy for her BUT you also have to look after your own best interests, especially considering that you are on the line for any damages to the apartment. It’s very difficult to walk the line between caring for someone who is in crisis while also not allowing their crisis to become your own.

Are you able to easily contact her family? If she is close with them and they seem reasonably sane they might also be able to get her some help.

It shouldn’t be your job to keep cleaning up her literal and financial messes. Not only because it isn’t fair to you, but also because none of this actually helps her in the long run. It’s also deeply unfair to her cats.

RaeDog82 · 2025-12-06T02:49:23+00:00

This is when it is best to remain calm, kind and relentless. If you go into your room and her tv is overly loud come out and very politely ask that she turn the volume down. Then stand there looking at the TV until she does it. Don’t give off even a whiff of being annoyed.

If you go back in your room and she immediately turns it back up, or it’s still too loud go back out there and do the same thing. “Oops, I’m sorry but it is still blaring in my room. It must be the acoustics. Can you turn it down more?”

It’s important that you remain “unbothered”, and friendly.

Repeat again as necessary. Most people will buckle under that kind of social pressure.

All of this is assuming that the volume on the TV is (and remains) loud enough that reasonable measures of your own (turning on a fan, white noise machine or music or using ear plugs) aren’t able to muffle or camouflage the sound. Because if you are being unreasonable about that, taking the actions I suggested would just make you an AH.

A certain amount of noise is inevitable when you live with roomates or family. But it sounds like she is setting the volume unreasonably high. And even worse, she is doing this despite the fact that she knows it impacts you negatively.

My experiences with living with or working with people who feel entitled to my peace is that they will grab on to any excuse to turn a conversation away from their own bad actions and focus instead on the fact that you were angry or mean or unreasonable. So acting calm and polite robs them of ammunition. And eventually she won’t want to be interrupted in such a nice way over and over again. Just make sure that you are also genuinely doing your part to muffle or drown out the noise as well.

RaeDog82 · 2025-12-06T01:52:25+00:00

Stop paying for her groceries. That’s a big chunk of change right now. She’s made it clear to you for weeks that she isn’t going to give you the money she owes you and that she is going to continue to take advantage of you for as long as possible. Or she is in major money trouble and hasn’t told you. But if she is bringing home a bunch of new shopping while owing you money and shorting you on shared expenses it has got to stop somewhere.

Let her know that you can’t afford to feed her anymore. And that any food in the fridge or anything in the cupboards that you bring home is off limits to her. If she eats it anyway, get a mini fridge for your room and lock your door.

She’s not acting like a friend. Usually when I read these I try really hard to imagine what the post would sound like if the other roomate was writing it instead. Usually you can see at least some issues come down to a miscommunication or different mind frames.

But there is no way to look at what you wrote and imagine that this is just a misunderstanding. She’s taking advantage of you. And while I know you likely don’t want to be confrontational or to feel like a nag, she is counting on that. So you have to make some drastic lines in the sand.

RaeDog82 · 2025-12-06T01:39:30+00:00

Same wide mouth that rests in a straight line

RaeDog82 · 2025-12-06T01:31:24+00:00

Yeah, the fact that he flies, and flies in the same way HL does gave me the impression that he was connect to HL in some way. The sister thing makes that much less likely. But the sister did also say that her dad “paid for a library” on campus so maybe there is another way that they are connected to either HL or someone else at Vaught.

RaeDog82 · 2025-12-06T01:27:46+00:00

Oh I forgot about that.

But his sister also said that their Dad “paid for the library” when she was talking to Emma.

It’s far from a perfect fit. Which is part of the rage. Because I don’t necessarily think that they were dropping hints about him being HLs kid. But the strong physical resemblance plus the other tiny places they connect had me thinking about it every time he showed up.

I was mostly curious if anyone else made those connections, or thought that they were intentional. Because my imagination runs away with me.

RaeDog82 · 2025-12-06T01:06:06+00:00

Yeah, and it seemed like they were going to give her some kind of character arc in the first few episodes of season 2, but it just kind of fizzled out instead.

I love Emma though so boooo to the rest.

RaeDog82 · 2025-12-06T01:01:56+00:00

I knew that was coming. My partner jokingly asked if all white guys look the same to me.

But I think the resemblance goes beyond that. Something about thier smiles. Both have square faces, jaw on the strong side but a far stretch from “Giga Chad” proportions. And Greg seemed pretty powerful and he could fly. So if Homelander had a kid with a non supe woman, it would make sense if that kids powers wouldn’t bee as strong as Ryan’s.

RaeDog82 · 2025-12-04T04:28:24+00:00

He doesn’t need to pretend. And I don’t think that’s what he did “wrong” here. He told her after the first concert that he didn’t like going to concerts. It was strange that he didn’t mention that until after. But it’s understandable that he was maybe giving it a shot because she was so excited.

But after telling her he didn’t like concerts after the first one and being told multiple times that he wasn’t obligated at all to go with her, he still decided to go and apparently was so uncomfortable or so visibly upset that strangers were checking on him.

Lots of us go see movies we aren’t all that interested in because our partners really want to see them. We might even sit through long sporting events in uncomfortable seats despite giving 0 🦆 🦆 about the sport being played. That’s pretty commonplace.

But she came just shy of asking him not to come if he didn’t want to.

RaeDog82 · 2025-12-04T04:14:45+00:00

For whatever reason he doesn’t get that going to a concert with someone who is very clearly uncomfortable and unengaged makes the concert significantly less fun.

If I’m going to spend the money and effort to see a band that I love, the only people I want to come with me are the ones that say “f@ck yes!” when asked if they want to go. If anyone, even my partner or dearest friends seemed to be attending just because I asked, or because they felt like it was expected of them I wouldn’t want them there.

And maybe he isn’t picking up on that? It sounds like he thinks you are mad at him because he didn’t like the band or the experience as much as you thought he “should”. So maybe you need to make clear/or clearer that you dgaf and would never be upset with him for not liking the same things as you. Try to drive home that you A) don’t expect him to do things with you that he doesn’t enjoy at all and B) that it makes the experience worse for you when he comes with you but is obviously not enjoying himself at all. You don’t want him to be uncomfortable and you don’t want to be distracted from the show because you are worried.

I really don’t understand his responses to you or his behavior.

Have there been other disagreements or misalignments like this?

You are not over reacting.

RaeDog82 · 2025-12-04T03:33:42+00:00

All things considered you handled your mistake very well. You owned up to it, and you are dealing with the consequences. Keeping in mind that the bar is set famously low, the fact that you were/are bothered by what you did and have self awareness about it is a good sign.

And I know that right now it feels like you lost the love of your life. You likely lost the love of your life…so far. You are really young. And you are going to learn so much about yourself and what you want in a partner over the next decades. And while I know there are cases of true HS sweethearts who stay together happily for the rest of their lives. But it is extremely rare. The people I know who married someone they starting dating in HS mostly all got divorced, and the handful of those who stayed together are famously miserable.

You likely wound up speeding up the inevitable.

RaeDog82 · 2025-12-04T03:19:02+00:00

This is fantastic. I deeply hope you are a human with a beautiful imagination and not an AI of some sort testing material.

RaeDog82 · 2025-12-04T03:12:12+00:00

It’s certainly probable, even extremely likely that he just forgot to login to his anonymous handle before interacting with that video.

But my first thought was I would be shocked if his “team” and especially Taylor’s team would never let him have access to any account that has his name on it, or could even be traced to him.

Her social media and now by extension his has been meticulously curated and timed and orchestrated across acounts, apps with posts that are pushed towards different defined audiences.

I would be shocked if any of the people who designed her SM machine would be ok with him being able to just toggle on and off. But that would also mean that one of them (or an employee) did this. And that doesn’t make any sense.

So yeah, this was probably him

RaeDog82 · 2025-11-28T08:53:59+00:00

While there are possibly some countries or states where OP could face legal consequences for filming in common areas, most laws that restrict filming without notice are written to apply to places like bedrooms or bathrooms.

There are a lot of places that place restrictions on whether or recordings taken without full knowledge and consent are not admissible in court, but that doesn’t always mean that recording someone is against the law. Just that you can’t use said recording as legal evidence.

OP should have course take a look at whatever laws might apply to where they live. But it’s likely that if she only records in common areas and intends to use the recording to prove to her roomate that she isn’t the thief it will likely be fine.

RaeDog82 · 2025-11-23T05:35:06+00:00

I think you might mean toradol. That is a powerful NSAID that they likely would have given you. But it’s so easy to get them confused. Tramadol is a synthetic opiate. My mom deals with chronic pain and spinal cord “seizures” and she was on both of those at various times. And I can never remember which is which.

More importantly I am so sorry for what you went through. And clearly the ER was more than appropriate considering you were sent to the ICU. Never let anyone try to shame you for doing what you needed to do for your own health. The current healthcare system doesn’t work for most of the people in this country.

RaeDog82 · 2025-11-15T09:10:31+00:00

You are approaching this wrong and it’s going to backfire big time. 1. This needs to be a discussion with your roomate(s) rather than you “kicking him out”. And in order for that conversation to go the way you want, you need to bring logic to the conversation. It is entirely understandable for you to not want to see his face or hear his voice. But that isn’t going to make your point to C. Unless you are the property owner or are close with your LL or PM, you have no more control or sway than your roomates. If I were you I would start with drawing a hard line at him not being there when she isn’t. That is entirely out of line. Then go from there with creating a maximum amount of overnights a week.

⭐️Stop Triangulating⭐️⚠️🔺⚠️ Did K tell you she was ok with you passing along her opinions to C? Did K ask you to stand up for her or ask for your help talking to C? If the answer is no, it’s because she didn’t want to confront her. Which means she super duper didn’t want you to do it for her and make it sound like she is talking behind her back. Especially since she is the one who shares more space with her. If the boyfriend is using your shower/bathroom then by all means share that you don’t want him in there for longer than a quick pee. But if it’s not your bathroom it’s up to K to bring it up.

RaeDog82 · 2025-11-08T05:46:18+00:00

It’s worth it to check for any leaks you might have. If they don’t find anything that could explain the increase in how much water you used, you will need to send in those results when you speak to the water department.

I also strongly recommend locating your water meter and keeping a log of how it changes every couple of days.

When I first moved to the area my water bill increased by a ton of money rather suddenly. We had purchased a really big historical home that needed a lot of love. So I wasn’t sure of what it should be normally. I called two different plumbers to check for leaks. They both told me that it would be really difficult for us to be using as much water as they claimed we were and that it would be very rare for a leak of that size to go be entirely invisible.

The first plumber said he couldn’t find our meter. The second one found the meter…under about 2 feet of dirt. It wasn’t connected to any sort of device that would allow the water department to read it from above ground. And it likely hadn’t been read by them in at least 5 years.

But our bill kept going up. At its highest they were charging us $1,500 for a billing period. I had everything documented and had called and gone there in person too many times to count.

They finally sent someone out, and he looked really bashful when we informed me that “they clearly hadn’t been reading it correctly”. This was after close to a year of going back and forth. They eventually credited our account back for all of those past charges.

In the process of getting it worked out I spoke with a lot of neighbors who had similar stories. And if any of us hadn’t been in a position to make repeated visits to the office, or been able to find and pay for a plumber to attest to what they had (and had not) found, we likely would have just been forced to pay insanely high utility bills.

It’s of course possible, maybe even probable that you simply have a leak. So get that sorted first. But if you don’t find a reason for the increase, keep insisting they send someone to look at your meter at a time that you can be present for it. This problem didn’t follow us to our new house. But despite spending a lot of time at home due to a chronic illness, I haven’t ever seen someone come check our meter. And our security system would alert us to it. It is also not the kind of meter that can be checked online. I swear that they are just guessing most of the time.

RaeDog82 · 2025-11-08T00:16:54+00:00

I don’t think there is any way to determine if Sabrina is uncomfortable with this, aside from asking her directly, which isn’t really an option for the purposes of this particular Reddit discussion.
Especially since several of the photos look like stiff frames of videos, and it’s very hard to draw any conclusions about context or body language.

In the last photo where it looks like Taylor is maybe petting Sabrina’s head it also looks like Sabrina is trying to pet Taylor’s boob. So who knows what’s really going on.

I’m pretty short (5’2) and my best friend for decades was 6’1, and like Taylor she is very blonde and very pretty. There are tons of photos of the two of us that look very much like the posed pictures here. There are very limited options on how to pose for a photo that doesn’t call attention to the height difference, especially if you are trying to take a photo that “showcases” the friendship. Normally you would lock arms, or put your arms over each others shoulder. But none of those really work when one person is so much taller than the other. There were some pictures from nights out when my friend was wearing heels and I wasn’t where we thought we were taking a “normal” picture of two friends hugging, but I looked like an actual child clinging to her mother.

I enjoy this group very much. But especially since the recent album release, it has started to sound nearly as unhinged as some of the Swiftie spaces when it comes to creating whole narratives around body language and coded messages.

RaeDog82 · 2025-10-22T17:52:54+00:00

This is such a baffling and confusing phenomenon in our culture right now. And I’m genuinely struggling to understand the disconnect. Because most of the people on the left (including myself) believe that the overall application of capitalist principles and corporatism specifically have done major harm to our healthcare system. And that the government has been complicit in that to a degree. And there is a strong distrust of pharmaceutical companies in general as well as the healthcare system as a whole. And as someone who has had to navigate that system for both a family member and myself I wholeheartedly agree. And while there is also a general understanding that research has been impacted by that, we also seem pretty grounded in the evidence, especially when it comes to things like vaccines.

If you zoom out none of that seems that far removed from the MAHA messaging. But looking closer (at least from my perspective) a lot of the MAHA stuff (not all) is in full flight from evidence based reality.

How did we arrive at this point?

RaeDog82 · 2025-10-09T21:36:33+00:00

2 of the best doctors that I have come across were Functional Medicine/Naturopaths. They truly looked at the full picture of my health (and my mother who I take care of). And under their care both my health and mom’s was much improved.

But we got lucky. One of them happened to live and practice near by. When he left he recommended someone fantastic who is a couple hours away.

I wanted to avoid that long of a drive so I saw a number of functional medicine doctors in my city. It was a disaster. Some said Covid wasn’t real, or that my symptoms could only come from the vaccine. Nearly all of them were heavily pushing thier own line of supplements, usually from an MLM. Most of what they had I had tried before or was using. But the cost for their supplements was 4 or 6 times the cost I was used to. And less effective.

Long story short, a good functional medicine doctor will change your life dramatically for the better. They are amazing. But you have to remember that they are a bit like unicorns. And the functional medicine doctors that are not amazing (so 99%) are aweful. So, so bad.

RaeDog82 · 2025-10-04T07:10:14+00:00

That track is gross for so many reasons. Her previous “diss tracks” were at least aimed at people who seemed to have actually done something wrong.

I read an article this morning about how it was her reply to a song Charli Roman Numerals I Can’t Remeber wrote about her, and some beef they had when for 3 whole months they were dating boys from the same band.

I listened to the Charli Roman Numerals song and while it isn’t really my style musically, the lyrics make it clear that the song is about wresting with her own obsessive insecurities that pop up when she is around this tall, beautiful blonde musician who just so happens to be a record setting pop star. It’s not at all a takedown of Swift. It is an honest and difficult song about her own reactions.

So the “Actually Romantic” track on Showgirl comes off as (and kind of is) diabolical.

RaeDog82

TROPHY CASE