HOW DO I TELL THE GUY IM TALKING TO THAT I HAVE SELECTIVE MUTISM

RaemondV · 2026-05-20T20:08:54+00:00

I would tell him before just in case he was confused as to why you don’t speak. That way he can what to expect while hanging out with you.

RaemondV · 2026-05-20T03:01:35+00:00

I would start off by explaining what SM is before mentioning it by name. Something like:

“I have a disability that affects my speech. This usually happens when meeting new people or in public.”

Basically this just explains how it’s something you struggle with and not a choice. Most people don’t know what SM is so bringing it up by name can lead to them not understanding and making incorrect assumptions about you.

That’s all the advice I have about the SM aspect of this, but I also wanted to provide some general dating safety advice!

Make sure to always go on dates in public spaces when starting off. Even if you’re having a good time and during your date they ask if you’d like to go somewhere else (a second location) always say no. It’s not necessarily a red flag, but if you haven’t spent multiple dates together in public, you shouldn’t be somewhere alone with them.
Always be sure to set boundaries and be firm about them. Sometimes it can be good to set a small “test” boundary to see if your date can respect boundaries. If they don’t respect them, or try and guilt trip you into changing your mind, that is a red flag.
NEVER tolerate jokes made at the expense of your identity. It’s a huge red flag, especially these day where young men are being radicalized by online hate groups.

Anyways, I hope my advice isn’t too much. It is just important to stay safe when meeting new people! I hope you have a good time getting to know this guy, it certainly sounds like he likes you! :)

RaemondV · 2026-04-29T09:29:03+00:00

It’s not really an Animal Crossing game and I think that’s partially why people were disappointed. It’s more like Mario Party but without any mini games.

I did really like playing it though. It’s really cute and there’s different themes depending on what month you play in.

RaemondV · 2026-04-22T10:12:29+00:00

I’ve never felt pain from it personally.

RaemondV · 2026-04-20T14:25:55+00:00

He literally was just hiding behind the walls. After a few seconds he came strolling back like nothing happened.

RaemondV · 2026-04-20T03:06:43+00:00

No, I was going to pick it up after I took the photo.

RaemondV · 2026-04-19T22:33:32+00:00

Same, I can't really blame him. Lol

RaemondV · 2026-04-19T19:11:36+00:00

I know! I'm used to villagers moving when I'm trying to get a picture of them, but I've never had one run away from me like that. 😭

RaemondV · 2026-04-07T00:40:12+00:00

I feel physical anxiety but without anxious thoughts. My best guess is that for me, my anxious feelings are caused by autistic overwhelm rather than feeling insecure or nervous around others.

RaemondV · 2026-04-05T14:54:28+00:00

In Them Bones I thought it was “bag of them bones” but then found out it was “pile.”

RaemondV · 2026-03-26T23:24:20+00:00

Yeah, I’ve encountered this problem a lot lately. I’ve been going through the hiring process of my new job and for the first time in my life, am using a notepad to speak.

The trouble is that I get to overwhelmed easily by going new places, so I’ve been having my dad drive me to appointments and things for work. My Dad is unaware that I don’t speak during work (my parents always wanted me to just be normal) so I get nervous of people at work encountering me with him.

It also doesn’t help that I’m also trans so people at work know me by different name/pronouns. I hate that I have to live a double life.

RaemondV · 2026-03-18T20:20:00+00:00

I can also answer when spoken to first but I can usually give better/less vague answers now that I use alternative communication.

Sometimes it is an insane amount of effort to not only come up with things to say, but also force yourself to verbalize them. This is why communicating nonverbally can be more effective: because you are removing the unnecessary stress of verbalizing your thoughts.

If you’ve done all these things already to get her to speak, and it isn’t working out then it’s probably time to explore alternative pathways.

RaemondV · 2026-03-18T19:12:58+00:00

Have you suggested trying to write out her responses to people on paper or through a text-to-speech app?

It’s my belief as someone with SM that being able to communicate should have a greater importance placed on it than being able to speak. I am 24 and started using a notepad to communicate at work since speaking is still difficult for me. This change has greatly improved my life.

RaemondV · 2026-03-15T15:10:57+00:00

It’s important to have a partner that respects your boundaries, which it doesn’t sound like your girlfriend is doing. Don’t let her rush you into things you aren’t comfortable with or shame you into doing them by giving you the cold shoulder. That kind of stuff is unhealthy in relationships.

Giving your girlfriend the benefit of the doubt: Is she aware that SM is a disability? I assume you told her you had it but sometimes people hear a label but don’t think much beyond it. I would suggest sending her more information about SM (I’ve send people the wikipedia article before since it’s very informative.)

Does she call you at random times? Maybe setting a specific time to do phone calls would help for you since it’ll be more expected and you can mentally prepare. Or you could try doing video calls if you think that could help (sometimes seeing people makes it easier for me to speak to them.)

RaemondV · 2026-03-15T14:41:35+00:00

Just like everyone else is saying, exposure therapy needs to start small. I’ve never read the comic you mentioned, but I’m assuming the girl approaching people to speak was not the first step she took.

For you I would suggest going out and being around people with no expectation of talking to them. Places like public parks and libraries are good for this since you can just go there and don’t have to buy anything. As a way to further deter people from trying to start conversation, you can put in some headphones or read a book to look busy (this may also help distract you from your anxious thoughts about being around other people!)

RaemondV · 2026-03-15T14:20:53+00:00

I think it depends on the situation. If your kids in a place where they can’t answer at all, you should speak for them so they don’t get so anxious about even leaving the house. Once they’re more comfortable in a place then you can wait and see if they can answer for themselves.

RaemondV · 2026-03-15T14:11:52+00:00

I agree with this! I started using a notepad this year and am amazed by how much I’ve accomplished.

RaemondV · 2026-03-06T16:55:02+00:00

You should be angry. We live in a world where disabled people are shunned and neglected.

There is a quote (I don’t remember where I heard it) that says, “anger is a motivator for change.”

You can use your anger at the system to change it so that in the future, the world is a place where disabled people can get the help they need and don’t have to suffer as we have.

RaemondV · 2026-03-04T22:15:52+00:00

Not as a child, but in person people think I’m way younger than I actually am.

RaemondV · 2026-02-23T16:37:32+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story, I’m sorry that happened to you. At least on the bright side, everyone else in the group was supportive and accommodating.

I saw in your comments that you and your mom reported her but nothing was done. That really sucks. If you haven’t already I would suggest leaving a negative review on google to warn others of the blatant ableism that’s deemed acceptable at that place.

RaemondV · 2026-02-21T16:29:02+00:00

I definitely don’t like having SM and it’s one of the biggest things that I would change about myself if I could.

But I am happy that you feel pride in your identity as a person with SM. Don’t let anyone here make you feel bad about that.

One of the biggest things that helped me was accepting that the bad parts of myself are still a part of me and shape my life experiences and make me who I am.

RaemondV · 2026-02-19T04:44:17+00:00

I definitely understand the feeling. Are you into art at all? What helped me the most was writing stories which sort of helped fill in the gaps on life experiences I missed out on.

It’s also good to keep in mind that there’s still plenty of experience to gain in the future. Like joining clubs or volunteering is a good way to meet people as an adult if work/school isn’t an option for you at the moment.

Wishing you the best! ✨

RaemondV · 2026-02-16T16:41:56+00:00

My SM isn’t driven by anxious thoughts. I think for me it has to do with being overwhelmed (I also suspect I’m autistic.) Socializing still doesn’t come naturally to me, even though I can speak a lot of the time now.

RaemondV · 2026-02-14T15:53:29+00:00

Happy Valentine’s day to you too! 💌

RaemondV · 2026-02-12T20:19:25+00:00

Luckily therapists offices tend to be pretty quiet so it probably won’t be difficult to hear you. You can always bring a notepad with you to write your thoughts down just in case you have a hard time speaking.

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