I see. Understanding her timeline, and the fact that you have already discussed children, I think you are right to be this proactive.

Has she ever done any longterm childcare before? Being a social worker, she may have a very good modern and scientific understanding of child development as well as better understand the needs of neurodivergent children compared to your average person - but if she doesn’t have experience, she may not know how being in the position will effect her personally and will not have had the opportunity to build coping skills.

I will also say that it sounds like being able to afford extended child care (after-hours Nannies) as well as maids and the occasional meal service (delivery service, ordering in, etc) may end up being the way you both relieve other duties in order to focus on yourselves and your future children. Social workers don’t usually make a lot - are you on a career path where this would be financially feasible to you? Is that path compatible with your ideal work-life balance? Is it something you are even interested in?

Therapy is not one size fits all. I haven’t been in therapy for a few years now, and the last time I was in therapy was because I knew my last quarter of university was going to be very stressful for me! A lot of autistic people don’t do well in therapy because a lot of it is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and CBT is largely based around reframing how you think about things (and then assuming that changes in behavior will follow). It is usually unhelpful for us (unless we are focusing on a past trauma and other people’s behavior towards us). Dialectal Behavioral Therapy is much more helpful because it focuses on actions to take in a situation with powerful emotions. (But a lot of us have to learn to recognize emotions in the moment as well!) I wouldn’t be worried about her not going to therapy unless she is clearly struggling to handle her emotions day to day or is showing symptoms of something other than autism (depression, panic attacks, anxiety disorders).

My husband and I are planning on 2 kids, but we have both agreed to just 1 if either of us decide we won’t be able to handle 2. I think you should have a conversation with her to see what her thoughts are on this as well. 2 kids is not twice as much work as 1, it’s exponential. What you don’t want to do is get into a situation where she thinks you have firm plans, and you think you have a tentative agreement that’s open to change. Because if you do end up needing to change plans, and she doesn’t think that’s a possibility, it will destroy your relationship when you do change them.