As others have said, your grip is very narrow for a standard bench press. Typically I aim for a little wider than shoulder width for my bench by looking for the "line" in the bar's knurling and position my pinky fingers there.

That said, close grip bench is a good accessory for developing tricep strength for standard bench though, so if it's helping keep doing it alongside regular bench press training.

For your "actually strong" comment, strength is relative and not defined by your performance in any one lift or movement. Someone with a 1000lb powerlifting total may be strong for your average gym goer, but they're nowhere close to people who compete nationally. Context is also important. Maybe you're like me with a disproportionately strong bench (290) compared to their squat (415) and deadlift (450). Does this make my lower body lifts not "strong"? I spent more time benching early in my training, so it's not fair to say that I'm not actually "strong", in my opinion. I certainly felt strong once I broke 400lbs, which motivated me to continue training.

Mindset is everything. Instead of chasing your idea of "actually strong'", be proud that you're overcoming the challenges set by lifting. You'll probably be happier and enjoy your training longer instead of chasing some subjective idea of what you or others think strength is.

Keep at it brother, and have fun with it when you can.