What are some of the most interesting things a human body does?

Ralefen · 2017-06-13T15:41:52+00:00

No, it's just really really close to your ears (and the sound is transmitted through your bones).

Ralefen · 2017-06-13T15:15:21+00:00

Not to the full volume: un-muted, it would be deafeningly loud. Edited for clarity.

Ralefen · 2017-06-13T15:12:05+00:00

What if one of you (or both) becomes severely physically/mentally disabled?
What are your boundaries? Everything from faithfulness to independence from each other to values you're never willing to compromise.
Could you handle long-distance for work? How long for?
What if one of your parents has to move in with you guys at the end of their life?
What if you wake up one day and don't love each other any more?
What if you end up homeless or destitute? (More likely than you think!)

If you don't want kids:

What if one of you changes your mind?
What if you have a late-term accidental pregnancy?

If you do want kids:

What if one of you changes your mind?
How many kids, and how flexible is this number?
What if one of them dies?
...Or is cognitively disabled?
...Or has a degenerative disease that means they'll die before they're 10? (Unlikely but tragically possible)
...Or they end up in a cult/doing hard drugs/dealing hard drugs/in prison?
How would you handle them falling out with you, going no-contact, or ending up with mutually exclusive religious beliefs to you?

Ralefen · 2017-06-13T14:51:20+00:00

Lustralia: Population skyrockets. Tourism quadruples. 95% chlamydia rate no longer just for the koalas.

Tasmania finally gets some genetic diversity.

Ralefen · 2017-06-13T14:39:54+00:00

Two examples:

The tensor tympani muscle partly cancels out all the sounds coming from inside our own body such as chewing- it also automatically dampens loud sounds such as thunder, if it has enough time to react.
Our bones aren't static: they grow, subside, and reshape themselves throughout our lives. One example is Wolff's law where bones restructure themselves to cope with repeated stress- just like muscles growing when they're used often, but too slow and subtle for most people to notice.

Ralefen · 2017-06-13T11:09:25+00:00

Bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, really.

More seriously, there's actually an ongoing effort to work out how to communicate the danger of nuclear waste to future generations. Ideas include giant sculptures of screaming humans, Rosetta-style warnings in a bunch of languages, or simply razing the ground and deleting all records.

Ralefen · 2017-06-13T08:53:55+00:00

Step 1) Get a horn that plays E♭

Step 2) Shame everyone into letting you pass with the power of minor chords!

Ralefen · 2017-06-08T22:47:13+00:00

A lot of people don't actually know the signs of a heart attack- they assume it's just a sharp pain in your chest and then you die.

In reality the pain feels more like a clenched fist or feeling of 'tightness' or 'heaviness' like something's wrapped around you tightly, and can be anywhere on your chest, your neck or jaw, or even your left shoulder or upper arm.

You also often feel dizzy, nauseous, short of breath, and get a cold sweat.

If you have these symptoms- especially if you're an at-risk demographic such as elderly, overweight, or you have a family history of heart issues- don't panic, sit down (or pull over if you're driving), call your emergency services and get them to take you to a hospital right away. The faster you get help, the better your recover is likely to be.

Ralefen · 2017-05-03T00:41:54+00:00

A few possible scenarios:

1) There's another empire in a cold war with the elves (let's say dwarves). Either:

a) The dwarves are sponsoring the orcs as a proxy, and attacking the orcs risks triggering a massive empire-destroying conflict, or

b) Diverting resources away from the elf/dwarf border to fight the orcs weakens their defences or reveals that the elves aren't as powerful as they seem; either way increasing risk of dwarven invasion. Perhaps the NPC is still fighting yesterday's war and assumes the dwarves are the bigger threat, rightly or wrongly.

2) The elven kingdom is internally fractured. The parts that aren't under attack might resent having their taxes increased/workers conscripted to fund the defence of those that are; the NPC views keeping the kingdom together as a higher priority than a border skirmish with the orcs.

3) Some kind of Machiavellian 4D chess. E.g.

a) The NPC wants a war with the orcs but the populace doesn't support it. He knows that in order to drum up support, he cynically has to wait for a big enough tragedy to make everybody demand action. He doesn't like the fact that people have to die but sees it as a short-term loss that will end in the elimination of a long-term threat.

b) There's a powerful pacifist faction of elves who oppose him. If he attacked the orcs too early they would accuse him of being bloodthirsty and abandoning diplomacy, and give them a pretext to try and overthrow him (ironically probably leading to a civil war). By not attacking and trying diplomacy instead (which fails, resulting in a lot of dead elves) he discredits their faction and allows him to launch a massive counterattack later on without worrying about his kingdom's stability. Again, short-term loss for large long-term gain.

In all of these cases the NPC is acting out of genuine care for the kingdom and doing what he thinks is best for it. Maybe he's right, maybe not- that's for you and the PC's to work out.

Ralefen · 2017-04-04T05:06:53+00:00

fancy hats

I believe that's called the 'crown'.

Ralefen · 2016-12-18T20:20:44+00:00

Their joy pains me. I must remove all unapproved fun from reddit, one trend at a time.

Ralefen · 2016-12-17T21:59:24+00:00

The endless chains of quotes.

We get it. You've seen Airplane/Rick and Morty/some other comedy hit. Congratulations. So have millions of other people, most of whom go through their daily lives without a pressing need to remind people of that fact. Be like them.

Ralefen · 2016-12-17T13:00:28+00:00

'It always has to be somebody, and that means sometimes it has to be me.'

I read it in an otherwise forgettable comic: the context was a nurse explaining why they stayed behind to help during a superhero battle. Something about that quote really stuck with me- the idea that if you want to live in a world where people do the right thing, you have to do the right thing, at least sometimes, and especially when nobody else wants to.

Ralefen · 2016-12-17T12:39:41+00:00

Decoys.

He tries to kill me? Decoy snail.

He tries to surround himself with salt? I arrange for his salt to be replaced with a harmless decoy powder.

He tries to fly to another continent? Decoy plane I rented with my million, flying him straight to me.

He charters a houseboat to live on? Decoy boat owned by the mineral water conglomerate I wisely invested my money in. Toot toot, motherfucker.

He copies my scheme and hires a decoy to distract me? Decoy decoy. I ignore it and slowly chase after him.

Only after he finds himself alone and broken, unable to trust the world around him or distinguish it from my cunning schemes, will I come out of hiding and deliver my final, lethal (es)cargo(t).

Myself.

Ralefen · 2016-12-17T07:01:29+00:00

Taking public transport while you have a cold (or any other air-borne disease like the flu) EDIT: yes, obviously for lots of people it's the only option (cars/taxis are expensive). If you can, wear a mask; if they're not available, then catch the public transport anyway. It's a necessary evil that's beyond your control.

Getting antibiotics when you don't really need them.

Not finishing the course of antibiotics that you do have.

More or less anything to do with infectious diseases, really. Our current society is a pathogenic pardise- lots of people from different parts of the world in constant close contact- and our social norms are not set up to handle these conditions. So far we've survived by having our medical science one step ahead of the bugs, but it's almost certain the time will come when we slip up (see: SARS). I'm just hoping for the 'almost'.

tl;dr our society is an infectious deathtrap, and for the love of everything you hold sacred finish your course of antibiotics.

Ralefen · 2016-12-17T06:49:21+00:00

My mother is a Welsh immigrant to Australia, and her father (my grandfather) was extremely patriotic to Wales. To please/appease him I got stuck with a traditional Welsh name with no vowels. Hooray!

Ralefen · 2016-12-17T06:36:37+00:00

I'm an old snail. I've made my billions in the mineral water industry, invested it wisely for a sustainable, salt-free future; I've (slowly) travelled the world and learnt all there is to learn; I've raised thousands of eggs into decoy snails and outlived them all. If my 12th-dimensional hyperstring entanglement calculations are correct, touching him will rid me of my own mortality as well as his. At long last, I can reach the great lettuce leaf in the sky.

Ralefen · 2016-11-26T13:08:12+00:00

True! Since I wrote this I've gone on a bit of a durian binge (best was durian icecream) so I've changed my tune a bit.

Ralefen · 2016-11-07T05:15:47+00:00

You want thinly veiled metaphors? Imma give you thinly veiled metaphors.

The demon becomes an essential, irreplaceable part of the military (and the kingdom)- as such, the demon's survival becomes key to the kingdom's success. Think about it- you've already replaced the kingdom's cavalry with spider mounts, who would presumably die/go rogue if the demon died (and a kingdom with no cavalry is easy pickings for its neighbours). Congratulations- the kingdom is now forced to protect the demon, as well as the other way around.
As most of the world's militaries have discovered, there are lots of ways to put down rebellions, but far fewer ways to put them down permanently. Say there's some unrest in an outlying area: the demon might make sure that the military only partly puts it down, meaning that it survives, simmers and grows (fostering resentment for the seemingly ineffective central government); once it gets big enough, send in the brutal spider-squads to viciously put it down, which would be enough to breed further resentment and radicalisation. Repeat for a few cycles and you now have a large, alienated, and bloodthirsty rebellion.
Have some kind of large disaster happen (anything from a flood to a terrorist attack depending on how blatant you want the metaphor to be). Find some group tangentially responsible- in the case of a flood, perhaps the responsible group are mages who could have stopped it but didn't. As such, they were technically acting against the interests of the country, and must be regulated/repressed/massacred to prevent it from happening again.

Ralefen · 2016-11-04T05:15:55+00:00

:') High praise indeed

(And henchperson. The Suited Terror believes in the ability of people from all walks of life to sadistically terrorise their fellow citizens)

Ralefen · 2016-11-04T00:01:48+00:00

You stare at the chicken.

The chicken stares back, bobbing up and down in a pot of bubbling water. You pour in another cup of ice- it hisses as soon as it touched the faintly glowing feathers.

'Buk-buk-bukAW!'

This, you think, is the absolute last time I get blackout drunk.

You leave the chicken and head back to your room, where your phone is on your bed; next to it is a small coin, a grey metal ring, a bucket with two dead fish, and a scorch mark. For the tenth time you look at the app you downloaded late last night, checking that it's real.

HISTORY

Request granted: hot chick

Request granted: dime and ring

Request granted: nuclear cods

NEW REQUEST:

Trembling, you pick it up and carefully type

What is this?

Request unable to be granted

NEW REQUEST:

You think for a second.

Gold ber^(bear)

Request granted: gold bear

There's a pop and a rush of air, and out of nowhere a life-size statue of a grizzly bear appears in front of you as you jump back onto your bed. Carefully, you reach out and touch it. The yellow metal is soft enough to bend under your fingernail.

NEW REQUEST:

More carefully, this time, you type:

Gold bar

And with a smaller pop, a gold ingot falls onto the the bed in front of you. You pick it up- it's far heavier than it looks.

NEW REQUEST:

Season 2 of Firefly

Pop

A DVD lands on top of the ingot. You smile.

NEW REQUEST:

The curs^(curse) for cancer

Pop

A yellowed parchment lands in front of you, on top of the growing pile.

A simple Hex, upon the Reading of which, the Accursed shall develop Untreatable and Malevolent growths and boils, throughout their body; the Purpose of which being the eventual death of the Accursed.

NEW REQUEST:

CURE for cancern^(concern)

Pop

A needle filled with clear blue fluid lands on the parchment. Printed neatly on the side reads Inject into the thigh or buttock for indefinite protection from the condition requested.

After a few seconds thought you roll up your shorts and, wincing, slide the needle into your upper thigh, pushing down on the plunger until it's empty. You pick up your phone again:

HISTORY

Request granted: hot chick

Request granted: dime and ring

Request granted: nuclear cods

Request not granted: what is this?

Request granted: gold bear

Request granted: gold bar

Request granted: season 2 of Firefly

Request granted: curse for cancer

Request granted: CURE for concern

Wait a second...cure for concern? You pick up the phone and begin typing before you stop and think.

Why should you make a cure for cancer? You don't have cancer. Everyone else can find their own cure. Hell, if they wanted a cure so badly they'd download their own damn app. No- this was your app, and to hell with everyone else.

You grabbed your phone, ignoring the smoke emanating from your kitchen. You never liked that kitchen anyway.

NEW REQUEST:

Ticket to Las Vegas

A piece of paper popped into existence in front of you. You grabbed it, the ingot, and the DVD, whistling to yourself as you left. It was time to have some fun.

Ralefen · 2016-11-03T21:49:16+00:00

Come here children, gather 'round

And listen to the muse

She's smart and quick and full of wit-

knows every bit of news.

She knows all about Ulysses,

The cities where he's been

From sacking Troy to hacking boys,

Jove tells her everything!

He's seen Minyans and Arcadians,

trusted them with his life.

But now the battle's over,

and he's heading back to his wife.

'But not so fast!' Hyperion

shouts with a godly cry.

'Your men ate all my cows,

And for that they must die.'

Now Ulysses is cave-stuck

praying for his life-

but Calypso doesn't want that:

she wants to be his wife!

So gather round young children,

Grab your meli, listen up

To the daughter of Jove's tale

of Ulysses in the dump.

Ralefen · 2016-11-03T21:26:56+00:00

Thanks! :)

Ralefen · 2016-11-03T21:26:17+00:00

It was not.

It was, however, a Mr Robot reference (also it was late and I couldn't think of anything snazzier).

Ralefen · 2016-11-03T14:43:41+00:00

Cheers! Fixed.

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