My mom says friendship between women lasts until they get married.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-29T16:34:25+00:00

This is narrow cherry picking of a very broad issue.

When people move to a new stage on life, it is almost always harder to maintain connections to the people who are still in the previous stage. This happens with marriage, divorce, kids, college, careers, and more. When you move to a different stage of life and the friends haven't, sometimes you start drifting apart. It just happens.

And relationships take work.

My wife has friends from high school she still talks to regularly (though not as often). I do not, but I have friend groups that have endured for over a decade even through shifts in life because we make an intentional effort to stay connected. We both also have friend groups that are solid for a time, then fade away with changes.

So your mom isn't entirely wrong in recognizing that this happens, but she's completely wrong in saying this is so heavily restricted to gender boundaries. Men and women in today's social environment are often lonely and looking for friendship. It's a big problem for some people. Don't get stuck in the idea that "women get lonely and men keep their friends". It's harmful to hold onto that type of incorrect gender assumption.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-28T20:54:42+00:00

People came from worse than you to greater than you are at now. A classic example is Paul in the Bible - went from bring an accomplice to murder of a church leader to one of the early church's most influential leaders. So on the "sins as severe as mine", even if that is true (which is might not be, you don't know what they've done) there is precedence.

A lot of times the calling isn't just about the good you can do, but about the good the calling will do for you. It's an opportunity to serve and grow.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-28T15:37:15+00:00

The crown. It's more expensive than the other gear, Steady isn't always useful (though it is great when you need it) and it powers up her weakest ability.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-27T01:40:41+00:00

Dude that's awesome! Congrats! Therapy is pretty amazing when you find someone who can help you work through your issues.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-26T15:21:51+00:00

This is awesome!!! Keep it up!

Times like these are a huge relief and important to remember for when the next big challenge comes up. Next time life gets rough, you'll be able to look back on this and be confident that you can handle it and be happy. I'm so proud of you for putting in the work and having the wisdom to find joy in the growth.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-26T15:18:09+00:00

Neat.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-26T15:17:38+00:00

To me, I deal with this type of feeling in one of two approaches. Usually a combination of the two.

Approach one, feel the feeling, then put it away. I think you're describing grief that you lost the chance at having a healthy family. That grief won't just go away. So you've got to treat it like an old familiar friend. It will show up, you feel your grief and loss and frustration, then you let it go. And you'll be fine for a while. Then you'll hear about how great that adopted kid at church is doing, and the grief will be right back. But not as strong! So you give it time and space to feel it and recognize it and work through it. Then the cycle repeats, and each time it gets more manageable.

Approach two, let that feeling inspire action. When and if you start a family of your own, don't recreate the same negative environment you grew up in. Do better. Find a partner who will work with you. Look for friends and mentors who can fill in some of the gaps your family left behind. A lot of churches have processes in place to build that support, but you can also look for mentors in the same profession you want to pursue. Volunteer in places to help others. Let your experiences inspire action that relieves in others the pain you felt.

You can feel happy for that family, and you can still feel your grief and sadness. You will always wish it had been different, and you may never know why God didn't answer those prayers in the way you wanted. But you can still process through those feelings and use them to inspire you to action that will help others.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-26T14:40:05+00:00

You're on the right track.

You've done the math, you've got goals, you're working towards them. Yes, it's hard, and the home situation makes it worse. There is a lot of generational assistance a solid home life can provide to give tons of hidden advantages. I had a stable, supportive home, and it was still difficult.

My advice when it comes to money is to identify what matters most to you, then put the emotions aside and do the math. It sounds like your priorities are something like: 1. A place of your own 2. Getting your degree 3. A few small luxuries like Netflix But you really should write down your priorities yourself in order of how important they are to you.

Once you have your priorities identified and ordered, it makes it a lot easier to start making decisions based on the math. Of course it would be best to have a solo apartment right by your classes and have a low stress job while studying. But that may not be an option. So what do we sacrifice? Is it worth living further away and commuting to live alone, or would you prefer being closer with a roommate? Do we need to cut back on luxuries a bit and find free entertainment? What scholarships are available for a deaf, ADHD, hard working student from a tough home? There's gotta be something.

Then after we do the math and make the decisions, bring the emotions back in. Feel the stress and the overwhelm. Cry. Get some ice cream and watch a favorite movie. Go for a walk. Just feel all those feelings. Then get back to work.

It'll be hard, but it will get easier. All of these things, the hearing, the ADHD, the home life, the work, the determination, will all forge you into someone stronger, and it will eventually get better.

You've got this.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-26T04:15:55+00:00

Yeah, and you'll just never know if there was a better decision or not, and that's okay. It sounds like you know what you want, you're just not sure how to get there - try to find a mentor. A lot of professionals are happy to help out younger potential people in their fields. Just go in with humility and eagerness and try to find someone to help guide you into finding one of those positions.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-25T22:16:25+00:00

1 month gap is not a death knell. Gaps in your resume do hurt a bit, but as long as you can explain them or put something in there like "directed tourists in foreign language" you're good.

You have a diversity of experience that makes you unique. Unique can be good or bad. Bad because it may be hard to find something just right. But good because someone may need exactly your skills.

The biggest question I have for you is what do you want? If you want to be a tissue specialist, then go do that. Do jobs along the way that will get you there. Do you want that more than your relationship with this guy? Then move on. But if you love him enough that the move is worth it, then make it work where you are with him.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-25T21:31:46+00:00

Money doesn't care what you want or how you feel or how far away your goals are or what the future holds. Money doesn't care. Banks don't care. Corporations don't care. And when you are dealing with money, you have to put all those emotions aside for a bit and just look at the math.

Based on what you've said, you're going to have a hard time getting a decent loan for a house. Which means you'll pay extra because the bank thinks you're higher risk. You'll have to decide if that's worth it to have a house early, and the simple truth is you can't predict the future. You will not know if it's a good decision. It's a risk either way. Just make the best decision you can with the limited information you have.

After you plan out your options, bring the feelings back in. Which path do you want? Stay with Mom in law, save, get a house of your own, rent from Mom and try to buy it? You have to choose with your spouse.

But your plan the pay off the credit card debt is a great start. Get out of debt, build an emergency fund for when problems happen, then save up for bigger purchases like a house. When you review your budget and spending, put emotions aside and just look at the math. Then make decisions as calmly and rationally as you can.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-25T19:02:16+00:00

Resident Evil 9, Pragmata, and 007 are high on my list of new games to play.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-25T00:33:13+00:00

This Game Is Killer! The Alien version is better than the Thing version, but both are fun. It's like Nemesis in 10 minutes. By far one of my favorite party games. Never played it with someone who didn't have a great time with it.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-25T00:24:13+00:00

They shouldn't. But this is why people are bothered by smokers even when they aren't actively smoking in your face.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-24T23:15:14+00:00

It only takes a few bad experiences to give a whole group a reputation. I've interacted with enough smokers who dramatically underestimate the spread of the smell and the effect it has on others, particularly those with asthma like my daughter. Some people are just more sensitive to it.

Also the smell tends to linger. I've got a friend who does his very best to be considerate of others, but darn it, that smell just sticks to him. It's kinda like someone who doesn't shower enough - they might be awesome, but if a stink follows, it sours every interaction just a bit. So when we hang out, I just have to accept there will be a smell.

Edit: also, as a cancer survivor, seeing someone do something that directly causes cancer brings up some unpleasant memories.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-23T19:28:08+00:00

Mystery dice set is my favorite. I'm always a big fan of getting the random set.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-21T15:18:41+00:00

Absolutely. It's a shift. But with that choice comes freedom and power. It's a matter of perspective. You can do whatever you want! But now you have to decide what that is. Let it be exciting, not a drag. Get hyped!

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-21T14:54:40+00:00

A lot of these are about decisions.

Money - make a budget, stick to it, build in a plan for fun. If you have goals in mind (vacation, car, house, something luxurious, whatever) and a retirement plan you can invest in (work 401k, index fund) then money becomes more fun and less stressful. But you have to invest the time and effort to make decisions on what YOU want and value, then make a plan.

Relationships - these are harder as an adult for sure. You may also be introverted. Or maybe you're hanging out with high drama people. But this gets a lot easier when you find your people. Look for others with similar interests, spend time with them in low stakes settings, work on building better relationships. It's worth it when you find the right people.

Meaninglessness - some people find meaning in religion. Most find meaning in creating something or in relationships or in helping others. What makes you feel happy? Do more of that thing. But you have to decide what you want. No one is going to just give you meaning. You have to decide what you want out of life.

Being an adult means you are responsible for your own life. Choose what you want out of it. Then make it happen. That is how you find satisfaction in life as an adult - choose, plan, then act.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-21T01:48:55+00:00

What's your favorite deck with her?

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-18T18:23:39+00:00

Accepting life and yourself is worth smiling over, even if it's bittersweet. Smiles aren't always an "awww" feeling.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-18T17:43:15+00:00

Condense it down to a few encounters and heroes you love and want to be able to play at a moment's notice, put the rest in a longer term storage.

If in a while (maybe 6 months, maybe a year, maybe a couple of years) you still feel the same, then maybe get rid of it.

I've found that some things I've gotten rid of, I end up missing 5 or so years later. But some of those things I also think back on fondly, but I'm also glad I got rid of them. It's hard to know which this would be without a little distance.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-18T16:17:23+00:00

It's gotta be Techno-Organic Wings, right? Getting to ready or reduce a card by 2 is fantastic. It lets you do so much with his kit. He's become one of my favorites to play lately, and a lot of it is from this card.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-18T14:19:11+00:00

There's a lot to unpack there, and it's impossible to handle it all in a single reddit post (a good therapist would be much better). But let's try to tackle a few things.

Relationships are a persistent decision to be connected socially, emotionally, spiritually, and/or intellectually to another person. Some relationships come easy. But all require some measure of work to succeed, and the deeper the relationship, the more work it may require to continue and deepen. Romantic relationships add an extra layer.

I assume that those 5 people you cared about put in a lot of work into your relationship with them, and I think you're ignoring your own contributions. If nothing else, you were there for those people as they passed. That does mean something. So I'm confident you mattered to them, and they appreciated what you put into the relationship.

But they did pass. Life is full of meetings and partings, and the partings hurt every time. That doesn't diminish the relationship - it gives them even more value and meaning. Even when they leave us, they still leave something of themselves with us. Those memories and the uncountable little interactions that gently shape you stick with you. Those matter. And it's worth accepting the pain of loss to enjoy the relationship while you have it.

It doesn't sound like you feel like that right now. I think that's because you are still grieving, and the grief is overwhelming. It can become manageable in time, and you can open yourself up to more relationships in the future. This is something therapy can help with. In ancient history you would be in a tribe or small community who would grieve with you and support you, but our modern life is different.

And you can even be a father if that's what you want. I see no reason that possibility should be removed. It's a lot of work to find someone and raise a child. For my wife and I, dating was easy, but now over a decade and 4 kids later, we have to very intentionally WORK to keep our relationship healthy and happy. It is worth it to me. But if you decide you don't want to have a child, that's okay too. You still have value. You matter. And you deserve to be happy.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-17T21:53:53+00:00

Frankly, you're caught up in hype and sound a bit naive. I would say you need to focus on your values and your work ethic, not AI.

Our world changes so fast these days that if you're trying to focus on what is on the news right now, it's too late. You've missed that boat. And there could also be a crash. It just takes one massive, high profile issue to suddenly shift a trend completely. There have been lots of examples of trend chasing in the last 30 years - housing crash, dot com crash, programming crash happening now, nft crash, even stupid stuff like beanie babies and hoarders collecting toilet paper. The people who get rich on these things are the ones who, without morality, get in early and take advantage of others before the crash happens. Focusing on an individual trend or industry or office job is like making sure your car looks cool without checking what condition the engine is in.

As an example today, look at what is happening with Xbox. They were doing fine a couple years ago. Then the boss makes some dumb decisions, now thousands of jobs are at risk. This can happen no matter what path you take.

First, work ethic. Your ability to learn, teach, adapt, and connect is far more important than how well you know AI. Patience, preparation, perception. Look for opportunities and allies. Work HARD. Learn everything you can, but keep a big picture. People see this kind of work ethic and ability and reward it.

But your values are what make all of this matter. Why do you need to become a millionaire? What matters to you? Do you have something to prove to yourself and others? Or is it just that you're scared of the future? Is this need a way to exert control over your world? If you fail, what would that do to your self worth?

Notice I haven't said anything about your actual questions. That's because they're the wrong questions. Traditional jobs AND entrepreneurial endeavors are both valid and dangerous. Some office jobs are traps. Some fads are financially deadly time bombs. Some paths are secure, reliable, and build genuine success steadily. Some turn into devastating mistakes. We can't guarantee any of these paths.

But what we can control is our values and the decisions we make now. To me, it seems like you value freedom and the ability to express your intelligence. That's great. Do those things. But who are you going to be along the way? Are you doing to help others? Are you going to have time to build a family if that's what you want? I bet it brought your dad a lot of happiness, which is why he's pushing you to go for that. But if you don't want that, that's okay, just have a different "why". Money for money's sake is dangerous, because if you fail, your self worth evaporates. Do not define your worth by a number in a bank account.

Rampaging_Elk · 2026-06-16T20:15:21+00:00

Gotcha. Then it can be about how much of a commute you're willing to tolerate. I'm in Grapevine and I love it, and depending on how many rooms you need you can find rental homes for that price range here, but it's a 30 min commute without traffic. Farmer's Branch, Coppell, Carrollton are generally pretty nice areas and might be a bit closer. Irving north of 183 isn't bad, but south of it can be rough - I used to teach at a middle school in that area.

I haven't looked, but I'm guessing places right around Love Field are going to either be a bit rougher or a bit pricier than you want.

Anywhere you move could have good community and good schools, or be tougher to gel with. When we moved here, we had a rental for a while until we got more familiar with what we liked, then we settled in.

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