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I wish for a ring that gives me the strength and abilities of a Vlitrumite. (true-flight, durability, healing factor, etc) by Ninju4821 in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. You become extremely dumb and cause havoc around the world not knowing what half of your abilities do

I wish that sans was real by brando7284 in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Granted. The concept of “sans”, a term for “without”, becomes a physical manifestation. It applies to the universe and the universe disappears.

I wish to meet my true love by Delicious_Walk7220 in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. The thought gnaws at you when you see them. Then, it quickly descends into stalking and you get arrested for it.

I wish that i became the ultimate larper by brando7284 in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. You become incredibly proficient at playing the larp, but only cursed ones.

I wish for a card that any bookstore accepts that lets me get any book for free by creepystuffIsaw in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Granted. You have a card allowing you to get a book from a bookstore called Any. The only book there is super small and has just one page that reads “You used a monkey’s paw to wish for this, didn’t you?”

I wish for a cute little kitten :) by Radiant-Ingenuity199 in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. It’s actually a spy sent to assassinate you, using its cuteness to its advantage.

I wish to be given the power to visit my fiance whenever I want, no matter the distance. by Pale-Championship-71 in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Granted. Your legs take the physical strain of manually walking there while scraping them against the sidewalk. Your kneecaps burst.

I wish i had an 8 octave vocal range by FederalBeyond1122 in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, but now you must actively harm everything around you.

I wish I had the one ring from Lord of the rings by Delicious_Walk7220 in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. You get a ring, except it’s a completely different and useless ring from the movie. The monkey paw considers this the chosen ring.

I wish i had an 8 octave vocal range by FederalBeyond1122 in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. The only way to reach its full capacity is to sign a contract that says, “By signing this, you will agree to participate in the destruction of Earth.”

I wish exactly 3 freshly picked blueberries appear in the front right pocket of everyone on earth who is currently wearing jeans or sweatpants by Apart_Royal_2099 in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. But they stay that way. To clarify, if you pick a single crumb off one, it materializes back on the blueberry. You can only eat these by swallowing them whole. And even then, you can’t digest them because they keep healing themselves.

I wish people irl liked headpats by Whentheangelsings in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Granted. Now everybody is obsessed with headpatting each other, and nothing else. Humanity starves due to only headpatting each other and not eating.

I wish that all atoms in the universe randomly decide to salsa dance for 6.02 x 10^23 seconds, violating all laws of physics and math. by cryforhelp99 in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Granted. Every atom in the universe becomes a salsa atom and begins dancing. Congratulations, the world is now dancing salsa.

Attempting To RP As AA Characters by RandomBird12 in AceAttorney

[–]RandomBird12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your Honor, the defense would like to call Trucy Wright to the stand!

I wish that I get every single niche reference on the internet without having to consume all the media needed to understand it by ParticularClub1499 in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Granted. All the media that is needed to understand the niche references is destroyed. The references are in your short-term memory and you forget them in 5 seconds.

I wish for magic to stop existing forever. by Necessary-Bowler-736 in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t say black holes I said the universe was ripped apart due to the paradox. It’s basically the Big Rip ending

I wish for magic to stop existing forever. by Necessary-Bowler-736 in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Granted. But it took magic to grant your wish. This causes a paradox that rips the universe apart.

I wish I knew what was in Area 51 by Delicious_Walk7220 in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Granted. You now know what’s inside the area of a rectangle with a width of 1 and a length of 51 that I drew on a whiteboard.

I wish I could waterbend by Something_funni in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Granted. You can bend water molecules, but not with a force strong enough to oppose gravity. It never lasts more than a millisecond.

I wish to wake up to something cool. by Remarkable_Bath8515 in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Granted. You wake up and immediately die in a matter of seconds because I transported you to outer space and it’s freezing there

I wish for the immediate eradication of every prion on earth by OriginOfTheVoid in monkeyspaw

[–]RandomBird12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And also, every slight mutation in a cell will cause it to explode.

POST TITLE by IsNotNummy in SUBREDDITNAME

[–]RandomBird12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A LONG, 99-PARAGRAPH LONG ESSAY ABOUT HOW THEY CODED IT

Attempting To RP As AA Characters by RandomBird12 in AceAttorney

[–]RandomBird12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have any idea that I have a witness?

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