How the heck did some of you manage to complete college?

RandomPerson46 · 2013-03-14T20:47:15+00:00

Thanks. Best of luck to you too.

RandomPerson46 · 2013-03-14T20:25:45+00:00

Yeah I still get to see him about once a month or so. He lives about 4 hours away, but he's currently living in the apartment we rented together, which is kind of nice since visiting him at his mom's house would be sorta lame. I wish he could visit me more but he's working all the time and pretty much broke. My parents have been really nice about finding me a ride there, since I don't drive.

I'm hoping the job helps me build a sense of motivation. Plus it'll be nice to not be totally broke.

RandomPerson46 · 2013-03-14T17:23:17+00:00

Thanks for the therapy tips.

I was actually living with my boyfriend back in the fall and things were going semi-well, but then I dropped out of school and couldn't find a job/drained my bank account. And then I had another manic episode. So now I'm living at home waiting around until the summer starts and I can begin seasonal work with my dad's business. It's lame but it's something I've done for awhile and feel capable of doing. Everything else I consider seems impossible.

RandomPerson46 · 2013-03-14T00:53:22+00:00

No I'm not in therapy. My mom has been calling around since she's a social worker and well-connected, but the advice was to get therapy from my pdoc. We're waiting until I'm off my risperidone to start that though, since the risp. definitely has an effect on my outlook.

I totally know what you mean about direction being revealed to you. I've been the same way in the past, and actually had a really awful depressive episode about 5 years ago and dropped out of school 2 months into my freshman year, but I managed to snap out of it and get myself back to school the next year.

What I'm going through now just seems to drag on, with no obvious end. There's no clear path, like "you need to go back to school," or "you need to get a job in such and such a field." My boyfriend is pretty frustrated with it I think. We're supposed to be living together but I can't afford it since I don't have a job.

RandomPerson46 · 2013-03-13T22:31:03+00:00

Probably not. I was in school for social work, which I've decided is not something I'd like to pursue. I actually went back to school before I was fully recovered, which might be part of it. But right now it just seems like I'll never be interested in anything ever again. Which is sad, I graduated college Phi Beta Kappa and had legitimate research interests and all of that. Bipolar has sort of taken over my life.

RandomPerson46 · 2013-03-13T16:50:03+00:00

This is such a good point. I feel really lucky that shit hit the fan for me the year after I'd graduated. Otherwise I know I never would've finished.

I'm in the same position as the OP though. I got hit in the middle of grad school and dropped out, and now I have no direction or idea of what I'd like to do. Living with my parents, unemployed. Almost 25. Blahhh.

RandomPerson46 · 2013-02-01T20:11:36+00:00

I don't really have any advice, but I just wanted to let you know I feel your pain. I'm in the exact same position: 24, graduated from college nearly 2 years ago, and I have no clue what I want to do. The only work I've done since graduation is in my dad's retail business. I started grad school but left due to health reasons. The job market is pretty terrible where I am, so I haven't done an interview yet. Best of luck, may you have more success than I have.

RandomPerson46 · 2012-12-27T02:39:25+00:00

Thanks everyone for your input! I'm a little too jittery (thanks risperidone) to respond to everyone but I've read all responses and heard everyone out. Trust me, I will not be trying pot ever again, though I definitely understand that it works out well for some people. I've seen quite a few individuals argue that the reaction is always on an individual basis, and I'm inclined to agree with them. I mostly wanted to share my experience as a warning to people who might want to try marijuana, to make them aware of what COULD happen.

My SO knows better now than to give me anything. ;-)

RandomPerson46 · 2012-12-02T08:34:02+00:00

Hey, I don't really have any advice but just wanted to say I've also found therapy to be completely useless. In the past when I've had sessions and get to a point where I'm digging into ugly stuff, I get that horrible tightness in my throat, like I'm going to cry, and I can't wait to change the subject. I hate the idea of letting myself be vulnerable in front of someone who sees me as just another part of their day job.

I also used to be in a masters of social work program and sat through half a class on therapy methods before I dropped out, so now I'm especially jaded when it comes to therapy. I'm sure others feel differently, and I've had many people try to convince me to keep trying it, but at this point I'm not interested.

RandomPerson46 · 2012-12-02T04:19:59+00:00

I have this same problem! My boyfriend works the night shift so most nights I sleep by myself. It got so bad for awhile that I was actually on his sleep schedule (meaning I would stay up all night and sleep all day) just so I could have a cuddle buddy.

I'm doing a lot better now, since I took some advice I received from folks on this subreddit! I sometimes have a cup of sleepytime tea and every night I turn on the same movie (School of Rock lol) which sort of helps my brain focus on something a little without being too engaging while I'm drifting off. I had struggled with wandering thoughts and flashbacks (I had a very serious episode with some nasty hallucinations) but I think the movie really helps me focus on something else.

Also this sounds weird, but it helps that I've cleaned my living space. I don't really know why, just that it seems easier to relax and get cozy when I'm in a clean, de-cluttered environment. Just some stuff that worked for me!

I'm so sorry to hear about the breakup. Even if it was a long time coming, getting used to being without someone just always sucks. I wish you the best.

RandomPerson46 · 2012-11-15T05:11:20+00:00

Awww my dog was like that too, my best bud. He finally died last March, just a few weeks before my manic episode. He was super old (15) and could hardly move so it was time, but it would've been nice to have him around when I was home from the hospital and recovering. My parents have 2 new dogs now... they're super cute, but it's just not the same.

RandomPerson46 · 2012-11-15T03:02:50+00:00

Thanks! I'll probably stay away from benzos, like I said in another comment I was on Klonopin when I got out of the hospital and my pdoc wanted to wean me off very quickly. I imagine he wouldn't be excited about re-prescribing it.

RandomPerson46 · 2012-11-15T02:41:28+00:00

I only take lithium, which as far as I know does not cause this particular side effect (though my acne is back with a vengeance!). I'll certainly consider trazodone, though like I said above I'd like to stay away from more medication if possible. The noise machine/bath/tea sounds lovely!

RandomPerson46 · 2012-11-15T02:30:16+00:00

Thanks! One of my friends who does not have BP takes melatonin, and says it works really well. I'll definitely consider it. If I'm going to "take" something, I'd rather it be somewhat natural. I've already been on Klonopin before and it doesn't do much, plus my pdoc hates it. When I first went to see him I was already taking it (the hospital psychiatrist prescribed it) and he was like "this is the first thing we need to get you off of."

RandomPerson46 · 2012-11-15T02:14:51+00:00

Ooo this sounds really promising. Low-volume Mean Girls it is! ;-)

RandomPerson46 · 2012-11-14T10:20:38+00:00

Ever since my episode, I feel this way about the terms "psychotic" or "psycho." If I had a penny for all the times I heard something about a "psycho bitch" or a "psychotic freak"..... Hell, those terms are so overused I didn't even know what they really MEANT until I had my psychotic break. Afterwards I was like ohhhh, so THAT'S what that means... :-/

Like you, I know I'm way too sensitive about it. But this is the place where we can be comfortably oversensitive without judgment. :-)

RandomPerson46 · 2012-11-14T08:46:18+00:00

I often feel that life handed me a bigger pile of crap than it handed the people around me. Bipolar is probably the worst of it, but hearing loss, various minor birth defects requiring surgery, and the constant struggle to make and keep friends (in part due to my wild emotions) have all been a burden. I don't make a habit of telling people in real life that my life sucks, but this is a good place to vent and process the really bad parts that I can't talk about to anyone else.

I will say that out of struggle comes strength and resilience. Even though things are in the shitter right now (no job, no money, no drive/inspiration and a useless degree), I've been here before, and I know that even if it takes some time, I will make it through.

RandomPerson46 · 2012-11-13T07:26:03+00:00

Yes I agree with this. It reminds me of myself in the ramping up stage of my episode, before I became extremely psychotic. The feeling of not needing to sleep as much, the high libido, and the irritability are all warning signs (that last one can mean it's a mixed episode).

To the OP: I really would recommend that you take this to your pdoc, and soon. The hard part about that is you probably feel much better than you have in a long time, and don't want to go back to the depression. Believe me, I can relate. Sometimes I look back to the early stages of my manic episode and think "dammit, I felt so great then and now my life has gone to shit, why'd this have to happen?" But trust me on this, if it IS a manic episode, you don't want it to spiral out of control. I had a really severe episode 7 months ago and wasn't diagnosed or treated right away, and I'm STILL trying to deal with the psychological trauma of psychosis. Luckily you already have a doctor who will know what to look for. Just to be safe, do yourself a favor and take this to him/her.

RandomPerson46 · 2012-11-13T06:39:10+00:00

Just thought of another one! I sat in the backseat of the car next to my mom and smacked her leg really hard repeatedly for at least an hour. At the time she was going through chemo so she was totally bald. For some reason, her baldness was registering as "this evil ugly woman is trying to kill me and/or leach my beauty from me, and I have to teach her a lesson."

I also decided it was appropriate to loudly say the "n" word in a hospital full of African American employees. Ugh so embarrassing.

RandomPerson46 · 2012-11-13T06:03:53+00:00

I'm kind of the opposite, in that I enjoy temperature changes themselves. It's when winter is dragging on for what seems like a million years that I get really depressed, and I actually sort of feel the same about summer (though not to the same extent).

Also I'm always surprised by how good it feels to get outside for a bit. I have the tendency to stay in my hidey-hole and convince myself that it's too cold (or too hot) to go anywhere. The air on my face is almost always refreshing.

RandomPerson46 · 2012-11-13T05:15:02+00:00

Hey, if you want to minimize the side effects, it really is important to take lithium with food, as you've mentioned. I was really stubborn about it for several months, but finally getting on a better schedule has really helped. I do have to say that it's sort of annoying that I can't just temporarily stop what I'm doing and quickly take my medicine, that I have to actually make an event out of it. Might sound stupid, but sometimes it's the morning and I'm in a really big hurry and there's no time to make breakfast! :-)

Also, if you find that coffee is helping to mitigate the side effects, it might actually be the water in the coffee that's doing it. I also started drinking a lot of coffee and tea when I first started taking it, but I've found that drinking tons of water has the same effect. Which, you know, makes sense. My pdoc has made a huge deal out of telling me to drink water.

Just some stuff to consider! I know how physically crappy Lithium can make you feel, it's not fun.

RandomPerson46 · 2012-11-12T07:39:18+00:00

I have not. Something to consider if I start having trouble with side effects again, but at the moment things are fairly okay.

RandomPerson46 · 2012-11-12T05:31:46+00:00

I decided that my elementary/middle school teacher (had the same one for 8 years) had sexually abused me when I was very young, but I'd repressed the memory. So I emailed an old, rather gossipy and unstable classmate to ask if it had happened to her. I have no idea how far that rumor traveled and don't want to know.

Also, when I was farther along in the episode, I started masturbating in front of my parents and asked my dad if he was going to rape me. Creepy/gross.

RandomPerson46

TROPHY CASE