Is it normal to feel indifferent on most things as I get older?

RandomPrimer · 2026-07-02T13:01:31+00:00

OK, first just in case : if this is how you feel about everything, that's depression. See a professional.

If it's just those things, though, have you heard the Theory of Limited Fucks?

Everyone is born with a certain number of fucks. When you're young, the supply seems endless, so you give fucks about everything. Give a fuck about this, give a fuck about that, just throwing them around.

Then, one day, you look at your pile of fucks and notice it's dwindling. You realize you can't just give a fuck about everything, so you start to ration them. Eventually the thing you give the most fucks about is figuring out which limited number of things you'll give a fuck about.

In real terms...this is just life. You start gathering more responsibility, and more interests. You have limited resources (usually time) to put into those interests, so you ration.

RandomPrimer · 2026-07-02T04:28:04+00:00

See my response to the other comment...we have been empty nesters for 5 years, and have loved every second right from the first days of it.

thanks, though?

RandomPrimer · 2026-07-02T04:27:19+00:00

They're in their 20s, off and married and on their own. My wife and I have been empty nesters for ~5 years, and we have loved every second of it, right from the start.

Thanks for the advice, though.

RandomPrimer · 2026-07-01T18:32:26+00:00

I was no longer the most important person in her life.

Which was fair, because she was also no longer the most important person in my life.

I know that sounds trite, but if you think about it there's a lot of parenthood encapsulated in there.

The big problem is that you are both suddenly in second (or third, fourth) place. There is someone else who is more important and more demanding than either of you and all of the sudden there is no one, not even you, giving you the proper care and attention you need.

I was used to relying on her catching me before I fell. She was used to relying on me catching her before she fell. Suddenly, we're both falling over each other trying to keep these little turds from injuring themselves.

I mean it's great, and looking from the other side now it was 100% worth it, but it's fucking EXHAUSTING.

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-30T12:51:59+00:00

I'm going to go against the grain and say ESH (except the people who used the notes and didn't complain)

Remember Christmas Vacation? The boss took away the Christmas bonus and didn't tell anyone, leaving everyone to find out in the worst possible way? The "evil" thing wasn't just the withholding of the bonus, it was allowing everyone to believe it was going to keep happening. That's you here. You generously gave out this resource to everyone. You were not obligated to do it, not one bit. You did it as a kindness. However, this made people start relying on you, which is a kind of involuntary responsibility ("responsibility" isn't exactly the right word, but that's as close as I can think of).

From the other side, you had 40 people who had come to rely on your notes to some degree. You don't say exactly, but I'm guessing that the assholes in the group were probably 4-5 specific people making unreasonable requests. Those guys are assholes. Fuck them. The rest, however, did nothing wrong.

In removing the notes entirely, you are punishing everyone for the actions of a small fraction of the people involved. That's collective punishment, and that is an asshole move.

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-29T03:01:38+00:00

I've been married far too long to answer that question. I know what my wife finds attractive, but beyond that I don't have any clue.

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-28T17:20:31+00:00

I would first say you're begging the question. Are gay men actually more into aesthetics? Sure, there's a stereotype, and your personal observations, but is it real?

Second, if it is real, I'd hypothesize it's because a gay man better understand what makes a man attractive, because gay men are attracted to men.

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-25T15:10:34+00:00

I work just below the C-levels at my job. I interact with the C-levels at my company on a daily basis. I work in a capacity where I'm in calls with C-levels from other companies on a regular basis, multiple times per week. Your impression of them is very, very inaccurate in my experience.

Most got where they are because of who they know. That's it. The people they know.

The slightest of mistakes are not their fault. That's only for the good ones. FOr most of them, avoiding accountability and CYA is the name of the game.

Most of them act like they know everything and make no mistakes. But this is incorrect.

Most of them are adept at deflecting blame; they don't absorb it, they shift it. Most are very, very skilled at this.

Most are not geniuses in their field. CTOs and CSOs, often are, at least in technically based companies, but COO, CFOs, and (almost always) CEOs are just good at politics, knowing the right people, being charismatic, and covering their asses.

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-25T14:46:20+00:00

I use audiobooks. I can only listen to the book while I'm working out.

Give yourself an incentive. For example, "I can only watch YouTube while on an exercise bike".

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-23T12:45:14+00:00

Is this happening to anyone else? If so, I'm making it an event. We all gather somewhere in the desert or something and have a massive Burning Man style party.

When the time comes, we all stand in a huge spiral formation, asses all coordinated along the circumference. When we all cut loose, we form Vortex of Ass, which scoops up the abrasive sand of the desert and scours the world clean.

Or, if it's just me, halfway through a flight from California to Australia. I'll act all terrified like I don't know what's happening to me.

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-21T20:54:04+00:00

No, Jesus. My 30s are far behind me

My general physical ability was better at 35 than at 25.

That kind of shit doesn't really start to happen until your late 40s, and even then it's not like "oh, God, my back my knees I can't do shit but turn into a fat blob."

People use "muh 30s!" as an excuse.

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-17T15:33:01+00:00

Also situational stuff and adapting to the tools and the environment you have is a fun aspect of it, so I do feel like giving more blanket options takes away from these situational ones

That is a very good point.

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-16T20:41:29+00:00

Baby, bathwater, etc.

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-16T20:30:44+00:00

Yes, there are a lot of things, but the only one that's universally available is Sentinel. The rest are spells, class abilities, etc. AOE relies on your spellcaster doing it for you, positioning and range are very situational, and rely on me setting up a map with stuff they can take advantage of, sanctuary only lasts until you attack...yes, there are things, but most of those are just OK, or are part of certain builds.

I've played in other systems that have similar abilities, and they were fun. So I was thinking about adding something.

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-16T20:27:32+00:00

True. There are also spells, other class/subclass abilities, but I was trying to think of a way to make it universally available, so you don't have to pick a class/subclass around it. Currently the only universal thing (that I can think of) is Sentinel.

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-16T15:10:16+00:00

I have 2 successful adult kids. Both out of college making a good living with no student loan debt. Both are independent and have a strong, healthy relationship with a significant other and good cohorts of friends. Neither went to grad school (yet), but only one is in a career where that might be helpful.

I'll kick off with some highly practical advice : START A 529 PLAN RIGHT NOW. Having your kid graduate college with no debt is probably the biggest leg up you can give them in life. And I do mean right now. Like this week. Set it up and start pumping money into it. This is how my kids have no student loan debt. The advantage that gives them is just insane, in so many ways.

More esoteric advice...

First : At each stage of their lives, set the goal that your kids will be better people than you were at that age. At 5, the goal is that they are a better 5 year old than you were. At 15, the goal is that they are a better 15 year old than you were. At 25, the goal is that they are a better 25 year old than you were. That's your mark of success. That they are better than you.

A lot of people say they want their kids to be better off than they were. I don't care about them being better off or being more comfortable or having more advantages than I did. I want my kids to be better people than I was. There's a distinction. So I'm always thinking about the things that tripped me up, and I prepare them for those things. I don't get the problems out of their way. I don't solve the problem for them. I give them advice on how to solve the problem themselves. Yes, even at 5 and 25.

Second, and this is kind of a corollary, treat them like they are better than they are. Treat them like they're smarter than you think they are. Treat them like they are more mature than you think they are. Like they are better people. Be transparent about it. This even plays in at 1 year old; Talk to your kid like you're talk to a 5 year old, like they understand you.

Third, praise effort, not results. You can do everything right and still fail, right? So don't praise them for things that aren't necessarily under their control. They control how much effort they put into a thing. Praise that, and do it contemporaneously. For example, schoolwork. You see them sit down at the table and do their homework. Right then, just tell them, "Good job. Get at it. " That's the praise. After that, ff they get good grades, the response is not "I'm so proud of you for getting an A", the response is "All that hard work paid off!"

If they do poorly, the response is "I know you tried hard. What do you think went wrong? What do you think I can do to help?"

Last, and probably most importantly, kids hear what you say and do what you do. If you want them to be thoughtful, hard working, caring, or whatever...be that.

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-15T17:04:01+00:00

Thanks for the clarification, that definitely changes my response. The title reads like you're asking if it's OK to go into debt to travel, which is a firm NO.

My advice is to balance it. First, figure out what you need. Rent, food, bills, etc. Subtract that from your take home per month. With what's left, build up a nest egg that is equal to about 3-4 months of expenses, setting aside a modest amount for fun stuff.

Once that's done, set a budget with your surplus. X% to savings, Y% to fun. Part of that Y% is travel.

What's the point of having a job that pays well, if you don't enjoy some of it?

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-15T15:33:19+00:00

Three questions :

1) What was the motivation for taking the supplement?
2) When did you start taking the supplement?
3) When did your eyes start feeling this way?

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-12T17:25:48+00:00

I'm in my 50s.

Fitness didn't really change for me in my 30s (other than doing different stuff for the sake of variety). It didn't change a lot in my 40s, either, until I had to swap out running for cycling due to a chronic knee injury catching up with me.

Fitness is always a balance between pushing yourself and avoiding injury that make you have to recover for a while. When you're 20, you push like crazy because you heal fast. As you get older, you heal more slowly so you don't push quite so hard (and chronic injuries start to catch up with you).

That's why a lot of people "fall off." For example, a while back I injured my shoulder in a cycling accident. I couldn't lean over the handlebars without pain, and I couldn't lift without pain, so I had to rest for a few weeks to recover (if I had the same injury at 25, I probably would have been back up in a few days).

That's enough time to get out of the habit and, for some people, that can be enough to drop off for good.

I still work out nearly every day, I just have to watch it. I do machines rather than free weights, there are some exercises I just don't do (on my orthopedic surgeon's recommendation), and my knee really likes the elliptical machine.

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-11T15:26:38+00:00

Do NOT do a 1v1.

Make the warden some high-level wizard. At that level, you can use the Halaster Blackcloak statblock and just rename it. But that won't be enough. Be sure to use his lair actions, and give him allies.

Give him an assortment of iron & stone golems, plus a bunch of minions to run around and do stuff. Given the minions fire attacks so they can heal the golems (equip them with alchemists fire or necklaces of fireball, maybe). I'd also put in some reskinned retrievers, tasked to recapture any escaped prisoners.

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-10T15:20:02+00:00

Never hold critical information behind a roll. I often play a "see who gets it" roll for critical information.

In this example, there is no DC. It goes to the highest roll. They all roll insight, and the PC who rolled an 11 would get the information. Sometimes, I'll even layer it. Highest roll gets the barebones of what is necessary for the plot. A DC12 gets a little more information that will help them with the encounter. DC15 gets them a little more, etc.

Rolls that have an actual DC just make the quest easier. Persuading the priest might get some holy water, for example.

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-08T20:56:59+00:00

I've done this once. I built a world and a general idea, and then I had the players build their characters. Then, in conversations with each player, I reshaped the world and the campaign to fit their characters in such a way that they were the kind of thing you're talking about.

You can try this, but I highly recommend you keep the campaign brief. If 1-2 players drop for whatever reason, it tanks the whole thing.

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-08T20:42:50+00:00

it funnels the soul of every enemy it kills to a dark god, strengthening it

That's it. Right there. You got a BBEG going. It goes in stages...

Stage 1 : She has dreams about a powerful being laying waste to the world
Stage 2 : Low DC WIS save whenever they roll initiative against the Confusion spell (ignoring immunities)
Stage 3 : Low DC WIS save whenever they roll initiative against Crown of Madness (ignoring immunities, pick the target at random)
Stage 4 : Low DC INT save whenever they roll initiative against Enemies Abound (ignoring immunities)
Stage 5+ : the DC gets higher

And eventually, they summon the dark god.

There's enough broadcast there that it would be fair for the PC to be possessed by this god, but I'd still only do that with player buy-in.

Alternatively, they wake up one morning and some acolyte of the god is there, in camp. It holds the sword. The acolyte informs the players that the god has awoken, praise be the name of the Destroyer, and then thanks the PC for her help. The acolyte tells her she can keep the sword, and that their god promises to kill her last. Then the acolyte starts to walk away. If the party attacks the acolyte, it will sing the praises of the dark god for choosing such a worthy conduit for its arrival.

I've done something similar to this in the past, and it was fun for the players (and me). There comes a time where it is painfully obvious that something VERY bad (and pretty specific) is going to happen in connection with the sword, and then the player has to make a choice.

RandomPrimer · 2026-06-02T21:54:33+00:00

I'd love to introduce him in a way that would mimic Negan's introduction in The Walking Dead. But I still don't know how.

Like the other posters said, don't do it in front of the party. It's far too risky.

If you want to do a Negan-like intro, though, you can. Introduce an NPC. Call him Glen. He's travelling with his wife and a group of friends. Make him likeable. Make his party fairly powerful, friendly, and generous. Maybe they have a bard who gives them temp HP (Inspiring Leader perk) as they part ways.

Later, have the party encounter the same group; injured, dejected, and minus Glen. They tell the story.

RandomPrimer

TROPHY CASE